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I.

Chefs. Hundreds of them. Tall chefs, short chefs, black chefs, white chefs. I pushed forward through them, like an explorer hacking away at undergrowth. They muttered curses at me, but I was stronger than they were. I came to a door. I opened it. Sweet empty space. I shut the door behind me, sat down in the chair.

\\u201cHello,\\u201d I said. \\u201cDetective Paul Eastman, pleased to make your acquaintance.\\u201d

\\u201cDoctor Zachary LaShay,\\u201d said the man behind the desk. His little remaining hair was greying; his eyes showed hints of the intellect that had been buried beneath the dullness of an administrative career. \\u201cI hope you didn\\u2019t have any trouble getting here. Did my secretary warn you about the chefs?\\u201d

\\u201cShe did not,\\u201d I said.

\\u201cWell, forewarned is forearmed,\\u201d he answered, inanely and incongruously. \\u201cBut I trust you got my message about the federal investigators?\\u201d

\\u201cOnce a federal investigation has started, we\\u2019ll retreat and let them take over. But two women died here. We can\\u2019t just not investigate because you tell us you\\u2019re trying to get the Feds involved.\\u201d

\\u201cYes, ah, of course. It\\u2019s just that we\\u2019re a sort of, ah, defense contractor. None of our projects are officially classified, yet, but we were hoping to get someone with a security clearance, in case this touched on sensitive areas.\\u201d

\\u201cI won\\u2019t pry further than I have to, but until someone from the government says something official, this is a matter for city police. Maybe you could start by telling me more about exactly what you do here.\\u201d

\\u201cWe\\u2019re the United States\\u2019 only proverb laboratory. Our mission is to stress-test the nation\\u2019s proverbs. To provide rigorous backing for the good ones, and weed out the bad ones.\\u201d

\\u201cI\\u2019d never even heard of your organization before today, I have to admit. And now that I\\u2019m here\\u2026it\\u2019s huge! Who pays for all of this?\\u201d

\\u201cEverybody who uses proverbs,\\u201d said the Doctor, \\u201cwhich is to say, everybody. Consider: he who hesitates is lost. But also: look before you leap. Suppose you\\u2019re a business executive who spots a time-limited opportunity. What do you do? Hesitate? Or leap without looking? Eggheads devise all sorts of fancy rules about timing the market and relying on studies, but when push comes to shove most people are going to rely on the simple sayings they learned as a child. If you can keep your stock of proverbs more up-to-date than your competitor\\u2019s, that gives you a big business advantage.\\u201d

A smartly-dressed woman came in, handed Dr. LaShay a cup of boiling liquid. He put it to his lips, then spat. \\u201cThis is terrible!\\u201d he said. \\u201cTry it!\\u201d

I had been expecting it to be tea, but it wasn\\u2019t. I didn\\u2019t know what it was. But it was terrible. Somehow too plain, too salty, and too bitter all at once. I gagged.

\\u201cThat settles it!\\u201d said the Doctor. \\u201cToo many cooks really do spoil the broth. Tricia, tell the chefs they can all go home now.\\u201d

\\u201cSo that\\u2019s what you were doing!\\u201d I said.