234 - Holy Matrimony

Published: May 3, 2024, 2:53 p.m.

Your Stupid Minds returns to its loose theme of \u201cSicko Movies from the 1990s\u201d (see: Blank Check, Milk Money, First Kid) with the hilarious premise of \u201cwhat if an adult woman married a child as a joke?\u201d It\u2019s 1994\u2019s Holy Matrimony, starring Patricia Arquette, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Tate Donovan.

After a life-changing carnival-money heist executed by Havana (Arquette) and her boyfriend Peter (Donovan), the pair retreat to a Canadian Hutterite community to lay low until the heat dies down. Peter is a former member of the community pretending he wants to return to the fold. In order to stay, he and Havana must marry. But when he dies in a car accident, due to their levirate marriage tradition (based on Deuteronomy 25:5), Havana must marry Peter\u2019s 12 year old brother Zeke (Gordon-Levitt) or be cast out. Since she wants to find her heist money, she calls their bluff and marries the child.

The movie descends into some second act zaniness where she learns the value of hard work (or doesn\u2019t), then they must go back to the United States to return the money, and are pursued by a corrupt FBI agent Markoski (John Schuck). Will they return the money? Will anyone learn a lesson? Is this movie as gross as the premise implies? You\u2019ll have to listen to find out!