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\u201cYou shall not commit adultery.\u201d (Deuteronomy 5:18)

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These five words are ground zero of the culture war over human sexuality in the CRC.\xa0 Synod\u2019s decision to make a list of sins confessional was attached to it via the Heidelberg Catechism\u2019s use of the word \u201cunchastity\u201d to describe what this word prohibits.\xa0 We\u2019re not going to dwell much on that today because the questions that really animate the culture war conversation are mostly to do with same-sex marriage, which is neither the main point of this seventh covenant word nor relevant to most of the intimate relationships in which you\u2014the readers/listeners\u2014are involved.\xa0 Statistics continue to suggest that the community of those who are same-sex attracted remains a very small minority of the population.\xa0 That is not to say that this conversation has no place\u2014if it impacts you, I/we are happy to talk further\u2014but it is a specialist place of pastoral concern for a very few, not the main topic of concern for the whole church nor for this seventh word of the covenant.

Anyway, this to say: I must admit that this seventh of the covenant words evokes a certain sorrow and weariness in my soul.\xa0 It has consumed more time and attention, created more division and heartache, and become the context for the disillusionment and loss of more faith, hope, love, and even membership than I care to name.\xa0

But it doesn\u2019t have to be that way.\xa0 Keeping the main thing the main thing in each thing is an important corrective.\xa0 And the main thing the seventh word is concerned with, similarly to the whole of these ten words, is relational fidelity.\xa0 In this case, within a marriage.\xa0

Being married has not gotten easier.\xa0 The impact of COVID isolation and intensification (spending more time with certain family members at home) has placed a lot of stress on marriages, as it has on all relationships.\xa0 The ramping up of digital immersion has taken its toll as well: we are more restless and distracted and find less capacity to meaningfully engage with the person in front of us.\xa0 Not only that, but the ease-of-access to pornography and other social contagions (like the sort that breed polarization and culture war) along with the corresponding ease of bypassing accountability that\u2019s been enabled by our personal screens has placed depersonalizing and alienating enemies within our gates.

Marriage continues to require of us good communication and good commitment that gives space for the journey of sanctification that marriage demands of us: turning us continually away from vices and ugly character traits and towards the deeper virtues of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.\xa0 It\u2019s not easy, but the good news is that this is still a work the Spirit desires to accomplish within us\u2014and marriage remains one of the key tools in our lives by which he does it.\xa0 A faithful marriage starts to smell like Jesus after a lifetime of partnering with God and one another through healthy fights, life-changing experiences walked together, and much confession and forgiveness offered.\xa0

We cannot do this work without God, but we also can\u2019t do it without a community of support.\xa0 As God\u2019s people, it is important to continue to offer ourselves to support one another in our marriages: asking one another how we\u2019re doing in our marriages and encouraging one another in this difficult, but good commitment.\xa0

And as God\u2019s people, we would also do well to speak a good and encouraging word about marriage to those growing up behind us, too.\xa0 Divorce rates are down significantly from where they were a few decades ago, but so are marriage rates.\xa0 So many burdens weigh so much more heavily on the upcoming generation than it did on the previous ones\u2014economic, educational, technological, relational, etc.\xa0 It\u2019s easy to be cynical about the future, marriage, and even singleness (which stretches on much longer on average than it used to).\xa0 The church can be a place of supportive relationship where the upcoming generation can find good conversation partners and encouraging words about the possibilities for healthy relationships and commitment.\xa0

So: how might you support the relational flourishing of the people in your life and in our church today\u2014whether they are married or single?\xa0

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