185: How to Apologise

Published: April 18, 2021, 9:13 a.m.

\nIt can be so hard, and so painful, to apologise sometimes. But what would happen if we saw that rupture and repair were an inevitable part of every relationship? If we knew that it is the very act of repair that knits us together into something more real, more durable, more connected?
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\nThis week's Turning Towards Life is a conversation about a loving, mutually respectful, dignified path we can follow when we're in difficulty with others, hosted as always by Lizzie Winn and Justin Wise of Thirdspace.
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\nThis is Turning Towards Life, a weekly live 30 minute conversation hosted by Thirdspace in which Justin Wise and Lizzie Winn dive deep into big questions of human living. Find us on FaceBook to watch live and join in the lively conversation on this episode. You can find videos of every episode, and more about the project on the Turning Towards Life website, and you can also watch and listen on Instagram, YouTube, and as a podcast on Apple, Google and Spotify.
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\n\n\nHow to Apologise
\nby Ellen Bass
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\nCook a large fish\u2014choose one with many bones, a skeleton
\nyou will need skill to expose, maybe the flying
\nsilver carp that\u2019s invaded the Great Lakes, tumbling
\nthe others into oblivion. If you don\u2019t live
\nnear a lake, you\u2019ll have to travel.
\nWalking is best and shows you mean it,
\nbut you could take a train and let yourself
\nbe soothed by the rocking
\non the rails. It\u2019s permitted
\nto receive solace for whatever you did
\nor didn\u2019t do, pitiful, beautiful
\nhuman. When my mother was in the hospital,
\nmy daughter and I had to clear out the home
\nshe wouldn\u2019t return to. Then she recovered
\nand asked, incredulous,
\n/How could you have thrown out all my shoes/?
\nSo you\u2019ll need a boat. You could rent or buy,
\nbut, for the sake of repairing the world,
\nbuild your own. Thin strips
\nof Western red cedar are perfect,
\nbut don\u2019t cut a tree. There\u2019ll be
\na demolished barn or downed trunk
\nif you venture further.
\nAnd someone will have a mill.
\nAnd someone will loan you tools.
\nThe perfume of sawdust and the curls
\nthat fall from your plane
\nwill sweeten the hours. Each night
\nwe dream thirty-six billion dreams. In one night
\nwe could dream back everything lost.
\nSo grill the pale flesh.
\nUnharness yourself from your weary stories.
\nThen carry the oily, succulent fish to the one you hurt.
\nThere is much to fear as a creature
\ncaught in time, but this
\nis safe. You need no defense. This
\nis just another way to know
\nyou are alive.
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\nPhoto by Steve Mushero on Unsplash\n