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If you\u2019re in a relationship with someone struggling with emotional detachment you\u2019ve probably noticed that it\u2019s during conflict that he\u2019s most likely to shut down, to distance himself emotionally from what\u2019s going on, to stop taking much of an active part in the discussion. As we\u2019ve written elsewhere detached personality can affect both males and females but it\u2019s more common with males so we\u2019ll use masculine pronouns here.\n\nThe psychology that\u2019s essential for you to grasp is that appearances are deceptive. While on the surface he\u2019s calm and composed, while he probably doesn\u2019t do much yelling or even look all that upset, internally alarm bells are sounding and the house is on fire. However unjust it may be, to him your conflict situation is reminiscent of the original threatening, hostile conflict situation in his family of origin, the situation that prompted his psychological solution of emotional detachment in the first place.