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Taking Ownership
In this episode of the Surviving Divorce Podcast I talk about the importance of taking ownership of the area's in our life that have caused us pain in the divorce process. This is a perfect time to take stock of where you are and figure out where you want to be at the end of this process.
Marriage
If you're divorced then you had some role to play in the breakdown of your marriage. It may be that it was largely your fault. You may have cheated on your spouse, been emotionally distant, or devoted all of your time to your family and neglected the marriage relationship. \xa0If that is the case, now is the time to figure out what it is about your character that caused you to sabotage your marriage.

It's possible that you were a nearly perfect spouse. Other people looking at your marriage can't figure out why your ex would divorce you. If this is the case it may be that you simply chose poorly. You may have ignored the advice of others or been so blinded by love that you didn't see the faults in the person you were marrying. \xa0 You need to understand what attracted you to the person you married so you can avoid making the same mistake again.
Healing
You also need to take ownership of the healing process. If you don't take charge of your own healing you will just float along and be more likely to repeat the mistakes you made in your first marriage.

Taking ownership of your healing means that you actively seek out people or resources that will help you. One of the best ways I've found to chart your progress is to make a list of the losses you faced during the divorce. As you identify new losses you add them to the list. This is a good visual reminder of why it can take so long to truly heal from the divorce.
Finances
Another area you need to take ownership of after divorce is your finances. The vast majority of people come through a divorce in worse financial shape than when they were married. For some it's the loss of the primary breadwinner that causes the hardship, for others paying child support while adding additional living expenses makes things tight, and even for couples without children who had very similar incomes the loss of an income plus the doubling of living expenses is tough.
Future
The period after divorce is an excellent time to evaluate where you are in life and where you want to be. Your life is in such a state of upheaval that reinventing yourself is not that much added pressure. Other than your marriage you in essence get a do over. You have the opportunity to decide what you want to be when you grow up. It's a great time to change careers and/or where you live.

I highly recommend the following two books by Dan Miller.

" 48 Days To The Work You Love" \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 \xa0 " No More Dreaded Mondays"

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These are affiliate links to the books on Amazon. If you choose to purchase these books through these links the web site will earn a small commission to help cover expenses.
Wrap-up
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If you'd like to discuss this topic you can leave a comment below and I'll gladly join you.

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