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Facebook Stalking:
I recently read an article detailing a study conducted by Dr. Tara Marshall of Brunel University in London where she studied the effects of ongoing \xa0monitoring of an ex's activities via Facebook\xa0(Facebook Stalking).

She "sought to fill this research gap by examining whether remaining Facebook friends with a former partner and checking his or her Facebook profile is associated with continuing breakup-related distress, negative feelings, desire for the ex-partner, and inhibited personal growth."

She studied two groups of people. \xa0The first group were those who de-friended their ex after the break-up but continued to monitor his/her activities using Facebook. \xa0The second were those who remained Facebook friends.

Her results were not exactly what she expected. \xa0Those who "stalked" \xa0were associated with "greater current distress over the breakup, negative feelings, sexual desire, longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth." \xa0And "people who remained Facebook friends with an ex-partner were lower in negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the former partner than people who were not Facebook friends but still exhibited lower personal growth."

My take on this is that continued interest in your ex's activities often indicates a continued attachment or jealousy, either of which would indicate that you have not moved through the grieving process and reached the acceptance stage.

You may be stuck\xa0in\xa0any of the four previous stages and\xa0continued monitoring of your ex's\xa0activities\xa0just keeps adding new things to your list of losses that need to be dealt with.



Baggage
Diane called in with a question about how to avoid bringing baggage from her previous marriage into a new one. \xa0My advice is to make sure you have grieved and forgiven your ex. \xa0Also don't project your feeling for your ex onto your new partner. \xa0Talk things out and if that doesn't work seek out professional help.
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