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Survey of Linguistic Evidence of Meta-Consciousness in Tier-19 Terran Primates; by C\xeb\u014fjpruustcr\xeart \xeae \xc2gri\xfcsturtt\xe2iy Fu\xf6rdr\xeaostsklan\xf6ukkl\u0117\xfb R\u016f\u0155skramnnu\u0169rgciw\xe4 and \xcb\xf8 Daerl stiic Uas\u015d\u0103\u017a swerz \xca; From Volume CLV, Number \u03b6 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2009. \u2014 The following message arrived several months ago at the SpecGram main offices as a steganographic message encoded in the gift card attached to a Big Ol\u2019 Bucket O\u2019 Meat gift basket from Big Stu\u2019s World of Taste\u2014which had been the usual method of communication between the SpecGram editorial board and one of our top informants, known only to us by the code name Elb\xfco. We have good reason to believe Elb\xfco has regularly worked as a top exolinguistic consultant to one or more three-letter agencies of the United States government. We have not heard from Elb\xfco since this message was sent. In keeping with Clause 17 of our consulting contract with Elb\xfco, we must (1) assume he or she is dead, (2) stop payment to the numbered Swiss account, and (3) publish this, the last missive we received. Fortunately, with the new Obama administration coming to power, we are considerably less concerned about our chances of winding up in Gitmo over this. (Read by Rachel iVox and Peter iVox.)