Behind the Headlines: The Demon-Haunted Election: Vampires, Zombies and Satan's Minions Come to America

Published: Oct. 30, 2016, midnight

b"Halloween comes just in time for the U.S. presidential elections. And the stench of sulphur is so strong, Chavez is choking from his grave. Soul-sucking vampires, hoards of the undead, all led by a truly demonic ambassador from the darkest regions of the netherwold, coalesce to bring the world down with them. A scary Pied Piper Clown King is the least of our worries as the dead return to haunt the living masses. Unfortunately, this Halloween will not end on November 1st. It's just getting..."