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Dr. Benjamin Houltberg, VP of Research and Practice at Search Institute, is Laura\u2019s very special guest on today\u2019s episode. Ben is a developmental scientist, and an experienced licensed marriage and family therapist, as well as a former elite athlete. He is widely published in topics such as the socialization of adolescent emotion regulation, promoting resilience through adversity, character, and identity development in sports. As you will discover, he is also well versed in the practice of Mindfulness, and he is here to share his vast amount of experience, knowledge, and advice with you today.

Ben begins by sharing his journey from his first interest in sports and his running career, through to his current position, and then offers a thorough analysis of both performance based and purpose based identity, as well as the continuum between them. From this analysis, he expands upon performing out of fear and coping with it, mental health, his perspective on overcoming the challenges that this past year has provided, and the importance of gratitude and positive emotions. While examining the foundation for dealing with adversity, Ben explains the concept of Mindfulness, and actually leads Laura and our listeners through an exercise. He finishes the conversation discussing virtue development and high performance and sharing his advice for young athletes. Ben\u2019s overriding belief that we are all of value, not because of our performance, but because of who we are, is evident throughout this inspiring episode. His is an impactful and important message for absolutely everyone to hear and to heed.

Episode Highlights:

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• Ben\u2019s journey from his start in sports to his current position
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• Performance based identity, purpose based identity and the continuum between the two
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• The impact of \u2018performing out of fear\u2019 and recognizing when you are struggling with it
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• Steps to follow for coping with the fear
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• Emotional regulation and co-regulation
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• Mental health in the world of sport and society in general
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• Michael Phelps\u2019 \u2018Weight of Gold\u2019 documentary
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• Ben\u2019s observations and guidance regarding 2020 and moving forward from it
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• The importance of feeling gratitude and expressing it to others
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• The impact of positive and negative emotions
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• 3 foundational aspects to preparing for adversity
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• Mindfulness and its importance
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• A mindfulness activity
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• Virtue development and high performance
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• A study regarding the impact of negative emotions and connection
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• Ben\u2019s advice to young athletes
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Quotes:

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• \u201cMy same exhilaration for sports began to transfer over to my desire to want to understand how the mind works and how relationships work.\u201d
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• \u201cIn the process of trying to study this, I experienced my own kind of healing in some of the wounds that I experienced as an athlete.\u201d
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• \u201cWhen results start to get wrapped up as the main definer of your self-worth, then it has devastating consequences.\u201d
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• \u201cI really firmly believe that there\u2019s a lot of athletes who \u2018choke\u2019 or \u2018bonk\u2019, or whatever you want to call it, that really comes from an overstimulated sympathetic nervous system.\u201d
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• \u201cOften, our body responds even before we are able to process it cognitively.\u201d
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• \u201cOur external lives and relationships and stressors all can have positive or negative consequences physiologically on us.\u201d
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• \u201cWe deal with stress and pain better when we have a purpose that\u2019s bigger than ourselves.\u201d
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• \u201cThese athletes that have this more purpose based identity, they achieve at really high levels as well, but they don\u2019t have the consequences of high levels of depression or anxiety or shame.\u201d
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• \u201cThroughout history and throughout research, we just do better when we\u2019re connected to others and we have this connection to some type of transcendent purpose.\u201d
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• \u201cWhat do I value? What is most important to me?\u201d
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• \u201cRelationships are so powerful for our emotional health.\u201d
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• \u201cHow can I serve the people around me right now?\u201d
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• \u201cThe foundation of the self becomes really important\u2026the mindset skills are also really important.\u201d
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• \u201cInvest in your relationships \u2013 in healthy ones.\u201d
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• \u201cBeing mindful in your day-to-day is really just\u2026a non-judgmental awareness of being in the present moment.\u201d
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• \u201cFor me, breath also represents a connection to God or even for some people to everybody around them, the source of life.\u201d
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• \u201cYou are valued. You are loved. You are known. You are free. And your worth does not depend on your performance. And you have something to offer this world that nobody else can take away\u2026there\u2019s a purpose in what you can contribute to those around you.\u201d
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• \u201cWhen we do have that solid foundation, we are able to also give our best, and I think that\u2019s where virtue development and high performance come together.\u201d
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Links:

The Pursuit of Gold homepage: http://thepursuitofgold.com/\nMental Training: https://www.laurawilkinson.com/learn \nLaura\u2019s Social Media:\nInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/lala_the_diver
\nFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheLauraWilkinson

Connect with Ben:

Search Institute: https://www.search-institute.org/ \nFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/drbenhoultberg/\nTwitter: https://twitter.com/benhoultberg