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Welcome to episode #177! This week, Matt and Braden talk with Javier and Shannan from 24/7 Marriage about differences in our libidos.

Everyone is different in this area

It's rare that you will have a \u201cmatching\u201d season of life in regards to your libido. Sometimes your libido is up while your spouse\u2019s is down and vice versa. It's important to work together and through those differences. When working through and talking about these differences, be careful not to come into the conversation defensive. Take a step back, get an outside perspective on what\u2019s happening. Your spouse is not out to attack you, or be against you and there are many factors that could be playing into it. It\u2019s a conversation that isn\u2019t one and done. Continually talk about it as you grow and change in life.\xa0

Creating safety & security between husband and wife

Seek first understanding and then be understood. Try to pause and understand where they\u2019re at, what they\u2019re navigating. It\u2019s easy to see the problem and not the person and not understand what is taking place. Approach with: I believe the best in you, you\u2019re not withholding to be hurtful or malicious. Seek understanding, to hear and to listen to what is being said and what is taking place. Spend time building that emotional security and safety. Be careful in the timing and the words that you use when you come to one another so we\u2019re not acting on defence.\xa0

\u201cSide Effects\u201d of miscommunication about libido

If there is not effective communication about this area, there can be resentment, bitterness and frustration that build up.\xa0 When we don\u2019t engage in conversation, we build contempt for one another; \u201calways\u201d and \u201cnever\u201d words come up and thoughts of \u201cyou\u2019re better than me\u201d. Even when we reach a \u201csolution\u201d, we need to operate from a place of grace. We might know the solution, but we are human and are flawed people and don\u2019t always act in that way. Remember that forgiveness is not a scorecard. Keep the line of communication open. Look at the long game - your marriage is not the same in year 1 as it is in year 30. You are changing and growing; physically, emotionally, mentally. When we don\u2019t keep up with these conversations, it leaves room for these \u201cside effects\u201d to enter in and have us believe the worst in ourselves and our spouse. Leave room for growth and grace in this and all areas of your marriage.\xa0

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Resources

Pure Freedom Community for men 18+

Pure Freedom Journey for men and women

Book a FREE call (men)

Course for marriages

FamilyLife Canada: Resources and events to strengthen your marriage

Online marriage resources (FamilyLife Canada)

Covenant Eyes Accountability Software - use promo code RM30 for 30 days free

Connect with Javier & Shannon on any social media platform - @247marriage
Or visit 24/7 Marriage website and see what they're up to.

Podcast Hosts

BRADEN HAFNER

Braden is the Regional Director in Alberta for FamilyLife Canada. He has been married for 14 years to his wife Kristen, and they live in Edmonton, Alberta. He is passionate about seeing marriages grow and thrive, and helping couples move to a deeper oneness with one another and with God. FamilyLife Canada has a variety of resources and events to help you and your spouse take your marriage to the next level. See what would benefit you at www.familylifecanada.com

MATT CLINE

Matt and his wife Louise raise their little guys, David and Oliver, in Edmonton, Alberta. He is honoured to do what he can to tackle the epidemic of pornography and sexual perversion in every way possible. Seeing lives and marriages get free and experience the love of God in profound ways is what drives him every day. He leads Restored Ministries, is a certified speaker and coach for the John Maxwell Team, and formerly played hockey in the WHL and for Hockey Canada. You can visit www.restoredministries.ca.