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Before Andrew Limbong went off to college, his mother cautioned him about the dire consequences he would face if he hugged a girl. Andrew grew up in a strict Christian household, and his parents are Indonesian immigrants, so they never spoke about sex at home. When Andrew was 20, he met his first girlfriend, Sam. He felt his cultural and parental influences putting \u201cpressure on my blood vessels, not allowing the blood to go where I oh so desperately wanted it to,\u201d he wrote in his Modern Love essay in 2011.\n\nAccording to Andrew\u2019s Muslim American friend, his fears were the result of the \u201cham sandwich\u201d effect: the feeling of shame when you\u2019re breaking family tradition. Today, we unpack this metaphor \u2014 and then we hear from Andrew. He gives us an update about him and Sam (it\u2019s exciting), and he shares advice for others who are struggling to take a bite of their own ham sandwiches.\n\nModern Love has a virtual event coming up: On March 9, we\u2019ll share love stories written by readers and read by the Oscar nominee Ariana DeBose. RSVP at nytimes.com/morningatnight.