How to make friends in Denmark; or 'Friendship in Denmark is a slow-growing plant.'

Published: Aug. 31, 2014, 7:58 a.m.

I was in London this week, and did a little fall wardrobe shopping.\xa0\xa0 I got tired after walking for awhile, and it was lunchtime, so I sat down in a pub.\xa0 I had a beer and a fish and chips and a British guy next to me was also having a beer and fish and chips and so we just chatted through lunch.\xa0 We talked about politics, the weather, the job market.\xa0 After lunch, we waved goodbye and I went back to shopping. \xa0It was a fun lunch, but I never found out his name.

The reason I mention this is that it never could have happened in Denmark.\xa0 Danes don\u2019t talk to strangers.\xa0 They talk to their friends.\xa0 The idea of a casual lunch with someone you will never see again makes no sense to them.

Foreigners often say it\u2019s hard to make friends in Denmark.\xa0 This is because Danes take friendship very seriously.\xa0 A friendship is a commitment, often a lifetime commitment.\xa0 You will often meet adult Danes who have friends they met in kindergarten.\xa0 As a matter of fact, this is why I chose to put my daughter in a Danish school, instead of an international one \u2013 I wanted her to have those deep friendships.\xa0 In some international schools, your friends are moving in and out all the time as Mom and Dad get transferred around the world.

But for you, as a foreigner, making new freinds can be tough.\xa0Danes don\u2019t really have the idea of \u2018an acquaintance\u2019\xa0 - they have the word, en bekendte, but it isn\u2019t used very often.\xa0 If you were in some other countries, an acquaintance might invite you, maybe your partner, over for dinner and then, three months later, you\u2019d invite the acquaintance and her partner and maybe it would continue and maybe it wouldn\u2019t.

That light, no-obligation friendship \u2013 Danes don\u2019t do that. In Denmark, friendship is an obligation, and a trust. Friends don\u2019t let each other down.\xa0 So, when a Dane meets you, he may think ahhhh he\u2019s a great guy, but I really don\u2019t have room for another friend. I have no time to see the friends I have.\xa0 Meaning, the people he\u2019s known since he was three years old.