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For better or worse, one thing that comes with all the faith deconstruction going on these days is that a lot of people are leaving or changing the church they attend. Nathan has some great advice for those leaving, those who are left, and the leaders of churches. Wherever you fall on that list, this episode is for you.

Intro - 0:00

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• Nathan\u2019s an enneagram 5, which gives him the superpower of reading in the dark??
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• Nobody's sure how to feel about it snowing in April
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• Steve is un-cleaning his office
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• We need butlers
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Leaving a Church - 4:35

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• Listener requested topic: Leaving a church
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• Steve never got dumped
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• Nathan got dumped a lot by one person - then he married her
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• Breaking-up variants: The fizzle, ghosting
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• Breakup advice: \n\n
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  • It\u2019s better to be honest than avoid awkwardness
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  • Give them space and don\u2019t text them at 2 am
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  • Give yourself time to acknowledge what you\u2019re going through
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  • Don\u2019t jump in to something new
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  • Don\u2019t bring your past with you
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  • Don\u2019t isolate yourself; depend on community
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  • It\u2019s a good time to learn about yourself
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• There are \u201csocially acceptable\u201d times to leave because they\u2019re not \u201cpersonal\u201d
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• Nathan\u2019s Vocabulary\n\n
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  • \u201cChurch\u201d = local congregation
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  • \u201cKingdom\u201d = where God reigns
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  • \u201cKingdom Community\u201d = group of people with a kingdom connection to each other
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• The Kingdom is much much bigger than a church
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• Lord\u2019s Prayer: \u201c\u2026Your kingdom come\u2026\u201d Matthew 6:9-13
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The Leavers - 24:01

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• Important to find community of some kind
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• Look forward more than backward
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• Vindication and validation will likely not come
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• Jonah
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• It\u2019s important to go through the grieving process
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• But try not to stay there - move forward, look forward
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• Remember when YOU were there when someone else left
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• There\u2019s a lot of fear around leaving
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• If you move you get a cake
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The Left - 54:52

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• People who are left at the congregation
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• It\u2019s easy to rationalize by \u201cthey fell away\u201d
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• It\u2019s all tied to identity
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• Steve\u2019s dream: People can go to another congregation and still have love and connection with the people at the previous place
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• Nathan\u2019s dream: When someone leaves, we should think, \u201cWow, I wonder what God is doing in their lives!\u201d
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• It doesn\u2019t have to be an us vs them situation
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• Assume positive intent
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• Just listen to what they have to say
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• Be friends with who you were friends with
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• Don\u2019t excommunicate because you\u2019re mad
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• \u201c\u2026go talk to them\u2026\u201d Matthew 18:15-17
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• Jesus spent most of his time with those outside his kingdom
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• Pay attention to their FRUIT, not just where they go on a Sunday
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• \u201cWe\u2019re not called to be faithful members, we\u2019re called to be faithful followers. Showing up is not what we\u2019re called to do\u201d -Nathan
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The Leaders - 1:10:31

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• When people leave, it\u2019s a hard time for church leaders to be Christ-like
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• Gut reactions are dangerous
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• When Jesus shows up to places, people flock to him
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• \u201c\u2026whoever is not against us is for us.\u201d Mark 9:38-41
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• Concealing sin and abuse is NEVER okay
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• Concealing abuse is never for the greater good
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• We should all try to learn from the situation
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• Article: \u201cLosing Our Religion\u201d by Russel Moore
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• Twitter: @followingthfire
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• Beware the rebound church
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• Send us your leaving stories (good or bad) to followingthefirepodcast@gmail.com
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