Podcasts Education Self-Improvement Crystal Paine Show 155. 3 Questions to Ask When Your Child is Frustrated

155. 3 Questions to Ask When Your Child is Frustrated

Published: Feb. 1, 2022, 11:28 p.m.

One of the kids woke up really frustrated recently. In all honesty, I wanted to respond back in frustration... because it felt like a really \u201csilly\u201d thing for them to be upset by.

But if I\u2019ve learned anything in over 17 years of mothering, it\u2019s this: responding in frustrating to a child who is frustrated never ends well. Just trust me on this.

So instead, I took a deep breath, leaned on the Holy Spirit, and asked them to share what was wrong.

They had a lot to vent out right then & I purposely just listened. I wanted to try to come up with some quick fixes or solutions, but I could tell that\u2019s not what they needed. They just needed a listening ear that said: \u201cI care. You are valued. What matters to you, matters to me.\u201d

After they had poured out their big feelings, I asked how I could help. There wasn\u2019t much I could do, but I could tell that just that simple question brought some relief to them. It communicated that they weren\u2019t alone. That I was *with* them. That they didn\u2019t have to shoulder this all on their own.

And then I asked them what they could do about it. Instead of me trying to swoop in and fix things, I wanted to let them process through what they were feeling and come up with next steps.

We didn\u2019t tie everything up with a neat bow, but my posture of leaning in and loving and seeking to walk beside de-escalated the situation so that by the time they walked out the door to leave for school, they were feeling much calmer and less stressed.

Mamas: we set the tone for our home. We can\u2019t fix all our kids\u2019 struggles. We can\u2019t solve all our kids\u2019 problems, but we can walk with them. We can communicate to them, \u201cI\u2019m here. I love you. I\u2019m FOR you. And I\u2019m not going anywhere.\u201d

There might need to be some hard conversations or consequences or addressing heart issues in days to come \u2014 after a child/teen is in a better headspace \u2014 but in the moment when our kids are feeling overwhelmed & frustrated, they just need to know we are there. They don\u2019t need our lectures; they just need our presence.

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d \u201cHow can I help?\u201d These two questions and the willingness to listen well can make a huge difference in our relationship with our kids.

In this episode, Jesse and I share more about how to respond when our kids (or anyone in our life!) is frustrated. Plus, I share a crazy travel story from my recent trip, and we talk about books and reading.

In This Episode

[00:34] - Welcome to another episode of The Crystal Paine Show.

[01:15] - What to do when your child is frustrated.

[02:00] - I have a travel "horror" story to share today.

[04:02] - While I was stuck in Charlotte for four hours, my phone was starting to run out of battery.

[07:46] - Word to the wise: if there is wet carpet in the airport don\u2019t assume that it\u2019s water spilled.

[08:41] - What I recently finished listening to.

[09:57] - A letter from a listener about Jesse\u2019s advice on reading.

[12:05] - Are you making progress over who you were yesterday?

[12:35] - Jesse shares his book update.

[13:49] - How to help a child who is frustrated...

[16:02] - Ever been frustrated at someone for being frustrated (oh! the irony!)

[17:52] - Instead, stepping back and asking for God\u2019s help

[19:13] - Question #1: \u201cWhat is wrong?\u201d

[21:23] - Question #2: \u201cHow can I help you?\u201d

[22:39] - Question #3: \u201cWhat can you do about it?\u201d

[23:53] - Practice the art of asking questions versus telling someone how they should feel or respond.

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