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In our important relationships at home and at work, we need to respect the needs of others while also sticking up for our own. But that’s often easier said than done. Dr. Daniel Ellenberg joins us today to explore how we can grow the lasting inner resources that allow us to do just that, and ultimately become both “friendly” and “fearless.”

Daniel has been a practicing marriage and family therapist for over 30 years, and is the co-founder of Relationships That Work, and the founder and director of Strength With Heart men’s groups. He’s led workshops at the Esalen Institute, Spirit Rock, the Association of Humanistic Psychology, Stanford University, and, of all places, NASA, and is the co-author of Lovers for Life: Creating Lasting Passion, Trust, and True Partnership.

Key Topics:

• Understanding bravery as “fearing less” rather than becoming truly “fearless.”
• Increasingly moving toward “responding” rather than “reacting,” and expanding the space between stimulus and response, by calming the physical fears that arise in interpersonal situations.
• Developing both inter- and intra-personal skills for effective relating.

Rick and Daniel are teaching a one-day workshop dedicated to the topic of “Friendly and Fearless” on February 21st through the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley.  If you aren't in the area, the event will be live streamed, and you can watch it from anywhere in the world. Follow the link to learn more.

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Timestamps:

2:25: What does it mean to be friendly and fearless.

5:05: “Fear less.”

6:20: Conflating social and physical fear.

9:25: Bringing more awareness into interpersonal conflict.

11:45: Increasing the space between stimulus and response. 

13:35: Inter- vs. Intra-personal skills.

15:00: Finding the pause. 

19:50: Finding sensitivity, kindness, and warmth in a conflict. 

22:15: Loving at will. 

24:00: Men, anger, and vulnerability.

28:30: Truly showing interest in others. 

31:20: Giving the gift of not fearing others.

33:00: Changing our self-concept.

40:50: A message to our younger self.