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There\u2019s a Jewish tradition that laypeople should only speculate on the nature of God during Passover, because God is closer to us and such speculations might succeed.

And there\u2019s an atheist tradition that laypeople should only speculate on the nature of God on April Fools\u2019 Day, because believing in God is dumb, and at least then you can say you\u2019re only kidding.

Today is both, so let\u2019s speculate. To do this properly, we need to understand five things: acausal trade, value handshakes, counterfactual mugging, simulation capture, and the Tegmarkian multiverse.