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[Few people realize that the 1997 cult hit GATTACA was actually just the first film in a three-movie trilogy. The final two movies, directed by the legendary Moira LeQuivalence, were flops which only stayed in theaters a few weeks and have since become almost impossible to find. In the interest of making them available to the general public, I\u2019ve written summaries of some key scenes below. Thanks to user\xa0Begferdeth\xa0from the subreddit for the idea.]

GATTACA II: EPI-GATTACA

\u201cCongratulations, Vincent\u201d, said the supervisor, eyes never looking up from his clipboard. \u201cYou passed them all. The orbital mechanics test. The flight simulator. All the fitness tests. More than passed. Some of the highest scores we\u2019ve ever seen, frankly. You\u2019re going to be an astronaut.\u201d

Vincent\u2019s heart leapt in his chest.

\u201cPending, of course, the results of the final test. But this will be easy. I\u2019m sure a fine specimen like you will have no trouble.\u201d

\u201cThe\u2026the final test, sir?\u201d

\u201cWell, you know how things are. We want to make sure we get only the healthiest, most on-point individuals for our program. We used to do genetic testing, make sure that people\u2019s DNA was pre-selected for success. But after the incident with the Gattaca Corporation and that movie they made about the whole thing, public opinion just wasn\u2019t on board, and Congress nixed the whole enterprise. Things were really touch-and-go for a while, but then we came up with a suitably non-invasive replacement. Epigenetics!\u201d

\u201cEpi\u2026genetics?\u201d asked Vincent. He hoped he wasn\u2019t sounding too implausibly naive \u2013 he had, after all, just aced a whole battery of science tests. But surely there were some brilliant astronomers who didn\u2019t know anything about biology. He would pretend to be one of those.

The supervisor raised an eyebrow, but he went on. \u201cYes, epigenetics. According to studies, stressful experiences \u2013 anything from starvation to social marginalization \u2013 change the methylation pattern of your genes. And not just your genes. Some people say that these methylation patterns can transfer to your children, and your children\u2019s children, and so on, setting them back in life before they\u2019re even born. Of course, it would be illegal for us to take a sample and check your methylation directly \u2013 but who needs that! In this day and age, everybody\u2019s left a trail online. We can just check your ancestors\u2019 life experiences directly, and come up with a projection of your methylation profile good enough to predict everything from whether you\u2019ll have a heart attack to whether you\u2019ll choke under pressure at a crucial moment. I\u2019ll just need to see your genealogy, so we can run it through this computer here\u2026you did bring it like we asked you, right? Of course you did! A superior individual like you, probably no major family traumas going back five, six generations \u2013 I bet you\u2019ve got it all ready for me.\u201d