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Zoe Strimpel reflects on the extraordinary experience of \u2018crossing the rubicon separating non-motherhood from matrescence\u2019.

\u2018I had never quite put aside an abiding ambivalence about having a baby, even during pregnancy,\u2019 writes Zoe.

But in the space of thirty minutes - and the delivery of a baby girl by C-section - Zoe says, \u2018my hop over the long-tended, long-contemplated border with motherland rapidly resolved as her tiny features came into focus and a sense of interestingness became a sense of desperate affection and even of familiarity.\u2019

Producer: Adele Armstrong \nSound: Peter Bosher\nProduction coordinator: Liam Morrey\nEditor: Richard Fenton-Smith