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Published: July 22, 2021, 8 a.m.

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Everyone wants a caring, loving family, right? But is it possible for close to become too close?

\\u201cEnmeshment\\u201d is a term that\\u2019s been gaining more traction recently, and it describes family systems that are intertwined in unhealthy ways. These families appear very loving from the outside, but that love is often based on guilt and obligation...and usually the family doesn\\u2019t even know this about themselves!

My brilliant guest today, Dr. Ken Adams, is pulling back the veil on enmeshment and helping us understand what it is and when and how it forms. One of the leading researchers and teachers on this topic, Dr. Adams helps us understand when closeness crosses a line, how to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy family structures and how to break free and develop secure attachments to your partner, friends or other relationships you\\u2019ve created.

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Listen to discover:

• What enmeshment means
• How it forms in childhood
• The effects enmeshment has on a spouse or partner
• How to change the family system
• Why getting free is something you have to do for yourself

Often, enmeshment is rooted in a lonely parent who substitutes their child for their partner. This leads to adult children who feel a sense of obligation to the parent\\u2019s well-being, even at the expense of their own needs or the life they\\u2019ve created.

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The good news is that this doesn\'t have to be an either/or scenario. It\\u2019s possible to love your family without feeling tangled up with them, and you CAN redefine the relationship and become free to be who you\\u2019re meant to be \\u2014 including a great son or daughter.

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\\u201cThe love contract is defined by obligatory guilt and loyalty, not about freedom to love.\\u201d - Dr. Ken Adams

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\\u201cThe empathetic, sensitive soul in the family gets glommed onto by the lonely parent.\\u201d - Dr. Ken Adams

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\\u201cEnmeshment has a direct impact on romantic availability.\\u201d - Dr. Ken Adams

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\\u201cEmancipation is not a negotiation.\\u201d - Dr. Ken Adams

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\\u201cThe idea of cracking [the false self] open and becoming the true self is terrifying because we don\\u2019t know who we are without that mask.\\u201d - Michelle Chalfant

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\\u201cIt feels like your spouse is having an affair, but it\\u2019s with their mother or their father.\\u201d - Michelle Chalfant

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Resources

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Dr. Ken Adams Website

https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/

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Dr. Ken Adams YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzFj2abP0cx8tEO1eLyjbDA

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\\u201cWhen He\\u2019s Married to Mom\\u201d (Dr. Ken Adams book)

https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/when-hes-married-to-mom/

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\\u201cSilently Seduced\\u201d (Dr. Ken Adams book)

https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/silently-seduced/

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The Adult Chair\\xae Workshop - Charleston

https://theadultchair.com/charleston/

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P&G Hair Food

https://hairfood.com/

Or find at Amazon, Target or Walmart

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More Adult Chair

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The Adult Chair\\xae Website

https://theadultchair.com\\xa0

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The Adult Chair\\xae Membership

https://theadultchair.com/membership/

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The Adult Chair\\xae Workshop

https://theadultchair.com/events/

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The Adult Chair\\xae Coaching Certification

https://theadultchair.com/certification-program/

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TAC Circles\\xae

https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/

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Stay Connected

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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/

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The Adult Chair\\xae Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

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EPISODE CREDITS:

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If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

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