What Is Your Attachment Style?
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00:02:28 John Bolby
00:05:01 Dismissive Avoidant
00:06:11 Fearful Avoidant
00:15:45 Bolster Your Self Esteem
00:18:09 Reconsider Your Boundaries
00:18:38 Part Two reparenting Yourself
00:30:31 Step Five
00:33:50 Part Three transactional Analysis
00:51:40 Eric Byrne's Transactional Analysis
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\u2022 If we want to know who we are now and why we are that way, we need to look at what came before, i.e., our childhoods. Bowlby outlined different styles of infant attachment (secure attachment, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant) and showed how each shaped the adult\u2019s relationship patterns. We can become aware of and take responsibility for our attachment styles as adults, in the present. Working on self-esteem and having relationships with people with secure attachment styles are ways we can mitigate our early programming.
\u2022 You can also heal wounds from the past by \u201creparenting,\u201d which is consciously choosing to provide yourself as an adult with everything you weren\u2019t provided with as a child. With visualization, our present-day adult goes back to engage with and heal their inner child. Become aware, conjure up the inner child, and dialogue with them, truly listening to what they say. Then commit to giving them what they need.
\u2022 It\u2019s important to apply the lessons learned in real life\u2014for example, by setting boundaries or embracing healthier habits and routines.
\u2022 Eric Berne\u2019s transactional analysis is another way to understand our ingrained and stereotypical relationship patterns. Berne outlined three ego states we can occupy: parent, child, and adult. These unconscious patterns shape the \u201cgames\u201d we play, but with conscious awareness, we can shift into a more neutral adult ego state.
\u2022 It\u2019s worthwhile asking yourself what role you most often play and what games recur in your life so that you can consciously choose something different.
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