Broadcasts.com - "326: Summer Series: How to Save and Strengthen Your Relationship with Matt Fray" (The Adult Chair)

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326: Summer Series: How to Save and Strengthen Your Relationship with Matt Fray

Published: Aug. 4, 2022, 8 a.m.

You think you\u2019re a good person, you genuinely love your partner and you try to do the right thing \u2026so why are you struggling in your relationship? Why do you and your partner feel unhappy, disconnected and maybe even headed for divorce?

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These are the questions Matt Fray asked himself after his marriage ended. He knew he was a decent guy. He knew he had loved his wife, been faithful and done the things he thought he was \u201csupposed\u201d to do in a marriage \u2013\xa0yet one day she came to him and asked for a divorce. As he walked through the grief and pain of that experience, he began a journey of self-reflection and blogging to try to understand what went wrong and how people can truly have healthy relationships.

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What he uncovered was a series of small habits and dynamics that added up in his relationship and eroded trust and safety over time\u2026and that these dynamics exist in nearly all relationships, including relationships made up of good people who really do love each other. Now, he\u2019s on a mission to help good people become good partners by understanding the root of relationship problems and how to fix them.

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In this episode, Matt reveals the invisible habits that kill relationships, how we can turn our relationships around and how to build trust, safety and lifelong love.

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Listen to discover:

Matt\u2019s story of his marriage ending and what he did next
The habits and blind spots that damage and even destroy our relationships
The three ways we invalidate people unintentionally
Why defensiveness can be so damaging
The importance of empathy and consideration in relationships
How to break the cycle of invalidation and build trust and safety

Nothing in life is static. Either we\u2019re cultivating our relationships and on a trajectory of trust or we\u2019re neglecting our relationships and on a trajectory of breakdown. Too often, we can\u2019t see this trajectory until it all falls apart. I love Matt\u2019s work because he\u2019s helping us open our eyes to the invisible ways we\u2019re either creating or damaging our relationships, even when things seem \u201cfine,\u201d and giving us one of the most important gifts a person can have: the power of choice to do things differently and change the trajectory we\u2019re on.

\u201cThere\u2019s so much power in that \u2018I\u2019m not alone\u2019 experience.\u201d - Matt Fray

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\u201cThat\u2019s when healing truly began \u2014 when I took ownership and responsibility for my lot in life.\u201d - Matt Fray

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\u201cWhen you think you\u2019re a good person, it\u2019s so easy to not accept responsibility for harm that\u2019s being experienced by someone else.\u201d- Matt Fray

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\u201cVery good people who really, truly love each other can do this to one another.\u201d - Matt Fray

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\u201cOnce you associate invalidation with the erosion of trust, then you can make the conscious decision to validate.\u201d - Matt Fray

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\u201cWhen we go through something unusual, it is our job to share, \u2018You know, I really need help with this,\u2019 and it\u2019s our partner\u2019s job to show up and say, \u2018I\u2019ve got you.\u2019\u201d - Michelle Chalfant

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\u201cIt\u2019s not about being right \u2013 it\u2019s being there in it with that person.\u201d - Michelle Chalfant

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\u201cThe low-hanging fruit\u2026is \u2018I\u2019m not going to invalidate.\u2019\u201d - Matt Fray

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LINKS & RESOURCES

Matt Fray Website

https://matthewfray.com/

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\u201cThis Is How Your Marriage Ends\u201d (Matt Fray book)

https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Marriage-Ends-Relationships/dp/0063072254/

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