284: Enmeshment, Codependency and Boundaries with Dr. Ken Adams
Do you ever feel like you\u2019re being disloyal to your family for having your own life? Or do you feel like you\u2019re second fiddle to your partner\u2019s parents?
If so, you or your partner might come from an enmeshed family: a system of relating to each other that is based on dependency, guilt, obligation and too much closeness (yes, that can be a thing!).\xa0
In today\u2019s episode, I\u2019m bringing back one of your favorite guests, Dr. Ken Adams, to talk about the important topic of enmeshment \u2013\xa0and let me tell you, he is SUCH a wealth of knowledge!\xa0
When I knew we were bringing Dr. Adams back, I asked The Adult Chair\xae community what you wanted to know about enmeshment and I was flooded with questions! So, I used this time with Dr. Adams to ask him YOUR questions \u2013\xa0everything from the difference between codependency and enmeshment to what to do if your spouse is enmeshed with his or her family to how to let go as an enmeshed parent.
I know you guys are so excited to have Dr. Adams back and to get your questions answered, and I am too!\xa0
Listen to discover:
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- The line between being caring and enmeshment
- The difference between codependency and enmeshment
- What to do if you come from an enmeshed family or your spouse\u2019s family is enmeshed
- How to manage guilt when stepping out of an enmeshed system
- What a healthy family looks like
- How different cultural norms can foster enmeshment
- Tips for enmeshed parents who want to change their pattern of relating to their children or who are struggling with letting go
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The key to recognizing enmeshment is to understand that it\u2019s a connection bound by guilt. It goes beyond being caring and even beyond being codependent to the point of obligation, anger and being accused of disloyalty if you don\u2019t follow the family system.\xa0
These feelings of guilt can make it difficult to set boundaries, but if you stay in your Adult, sit with your emotions and hold those boundaries, freedom \u2013 and possibly a much healthier family overall \u2013\xa0is waiting for you on the other side.
\u201cIn those enmeshed systems, dependency is built on obligation and loyalty is driven by guilt.\u201d - Dr. Ken Adams
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\u201cAutonomy and separateness feel like disloyalty.\u201d - Dr. Ken Adams
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\u201cSometimes outsiders are viewed suspiciously, which includes your spouse.\u201d - Dr. Ken Adams
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\u201cBoth partners are responsible for keeping out intrusions\u201d. - Dr. Ken Adams
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\u201cSometimes the guilt is a representation that you\u2019re doing the right thing.\u201d - Dr. Ken Adams
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\u201cYou don\u2019t let the guilt stop you from continuing the boundaries in that relationship.\u201d - Michelle Chalfant
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\u201cIt\u2019s really building up self-worth around who am I now\u2026who am I really underneath these masks that my parents put on me.\u201d - Michelle Chalfant
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LINKS & RESOURCES\xa0
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Dr. Ken Adams Website
https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/\xa0
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Episode #256: Understanding Enmeshment with Dr. Ken Adams
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/256/\xa0
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Episode #276: Raising Teens from The Adult Chair\xae with Dr. Pam Staples
https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/276/\xa0
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30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts November 1)
https://theadultchair.com/30days/\xa0
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P&G Hair Food
Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart
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MORE ADULT CHAIR
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The Adult Chair\xae Website
https://theadultchair.com\xa0\xa0
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The Adult Chair\xae Membership
https://theadultchair.com/membership/
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The Adult Chair\xae Workshop\xa0
https://theadultchair.com/events/
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The Adult Chair\xae Coaching Certification
https://theadultchair.com/certification
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TAC Circles\xae
https://theadultchair.com/taccircles/
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STAY CONNECTED
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Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MichelleChalfantFanPage/
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The Adult Chair\xae Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/