Loving without attachment
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Brandon Handley 0:00
Hey, what's going on I used to do, I guess we call this BJJ report. I'm thinking of a couple different things as I walk out the door of precision jujitsu here in spring springs city. Let's do that deal is I know there's a spring spring out. Deal is I've been trained in here for a little over a year. And what I'm thinking about are two things, right? One is kind of like attachment slash change. And the other thing that I'm kind of prompted by as a friend of mine, there was a dialogue going on between a couple of my friends around the idea of maybe love without attachment. Which would make me think of kind of love without expectations, right? Love without unconditional love. Right. So those two things. So the first one is kind of like fear of change and initiating change on your own. And what happens in that instance, as I was leaving this morning, and, you know, saying goodbye to a couple of guys and ladies and the instructor, there was a little, little, you know, kind of tuck in my heart for a moment there because, you know, we've all kind of come to known each other over the past past year, year and a half. No, no, some idiosyncratic cities, we played our jujitsu game, and we've helped each other improve, and in some way over over these years, and with each one of these people, for me, like I remember specific moments where they first submitted me, right, where I learned a lesson from them. I think that in jujitsu, the lessons that's where the lessons are learned when somebody catches you, and puts you into submission. And in my mind, I'm like, alright, well, that's I need to learn how to defend that I need to learn how to not get in that position, I need to, there's something there's a hole right in the armor. And so with all these people, and all the addition and the instruction, right, and the way that Ryan instructed the entire time, and I even told him, I said, you know, when I first started, it was funny, because that's one primary move that I got from him, that's not his primary move, which is like a foot lock, ankle lock. And his other one is signature move, I guess would be had an arm choke. And I told him, I said, when it first started, like he did like a month and a half of have had an arm. And it's all good, but like, we got teased and just be like, well, we would be coming from like guard position, or from all the way down at the bottom. And I'm like, well, where's like the three steps, the six degrees to, to had an arm. And so you know. The thing is, is there's a new place is coming up the street, and it's two minutes from me. And, you know, their game is going to be different. And when I was leaving the door, I realized that things were about to change. And things are change has been initiated. And when you're in the middle of change, there's a transition state and I love the word. I love Bardo state, in terms of Tibetan Buddhism, where they talk about this transition state where enlightenment is possible, right? Anything is possible and transition, we'd like to think that we are in control during that transition. Much like when you jump from an airplane with a parachute, you would like to think that you're the one in control of that situation because you have a parachute. You don't think you're gonna die when you jump out of a plane. Right now, I think that we can all be fairly certain. And Steve, the obvious, which is, when you jump out of a plane with a parachute, you have a strong influence over the income outcome and you have a strong influence over that transition state transition state being from when your feet leave the plane of the ground. The plane to when they touch the ground. There's a whole transition state in there. There's the freefall there's the ground the report and letting go. A whole bunch can happen in that in that transition state.
So as you initiate a transition, you need you influence I think the out comes by attitude by education by a lot of these other things. But that's what I was thinking as I rolled off the door, and I got my time in with a few of the people. And it's funny because we're all saying goodbye. And I'm like, Well, you know, I'm, I'm attached, I'm not attached, right? I've enjoyed, and I will continue to enjoy their company. This, I think leads into love without attachment. Right? Love without attachment. It's really unconditional love. If you take if you take a second step back. Love with attachment, I think implies that you can only love somebody, as long as they're available for you to love. Right? As long as somebody's giving you the conditions to love them, then you can love them. And you're attached to those conditions which allow you to love them. Right? They're alive. Well, that allows me to love them. Right? If they're past, well, I don't know if I can love them anymore. Right? I'm attached to them. Hurt hurts. But love never, ever hurts. Love is only love and love is like really something that if you allow yourself, that's something that you are. Right, you are love, you express love. And nothing else is required. Right? You either love someone or you don't. And I think the attachment might come from if that person leaves and you might grieve. Grieve, grieve their passing, you might miss them. But that does not take away your love of them. Right. I think that that's how I would probably chase that one down. Yeah, so attachment and love are not synonymous is basically where I would go with it again. You are You are Love unconditional love does not require anything from anybody else. In order for you to do it. Think about your children. Right. I'm thinking about mine right now and how we've got a tween. And now sometimes I might be frustrated with his actions. And sometimes I might be frustrated with his attitude. But I still love them. And he's still a good kid. And I still remember being a teenager asshole. I don't know, when that stopped. Maybe it never did. And that's okay. Like, that's just, unfortunately, unfortunately, unfortunately, I don't know part of the process, right. But that doesn't stop me from loving him, because he's also doing a lot of really good things if I'm gonna withhold my love because he's experiencing humanity. Well, that's not right. And I tell him all the time, he says, You know what, I love you, I think you're a great kid, and I think you're doing I think you're doing amazing things. Thank you for all that you are doing. Right? I try like hell to call that out more often than then. So if you've never had children, trying to think of like, you know, some things that you might love unconditionally. Like your favorite food, your parents, right? Even like loving your loving, loving your family can be hard, too. That's another one where you can love without attachment 100%. And you can love without judgment, your family. And that's, that's another big challenge, because we can spend a lot of our time thinking about how our family members doing things so differently than we are. And if only they would do XYZ, then you know, they wouldn't be in the messenger and now or maybe they have done XYZ and they're ultra successful, and they won't fucking talk to you. Right? And so you're mad at them. But that doesn't mean that you don't love for them doesn't mean that you don't care for them.
It just means that you're mad at them. Right? There's There's separation there. And, you know, withholding love over the attachment of them being compliant or complicit with your demands, that they get their shit together and see how awesome you are. Right? It's not on them. That's, that's a limitation that you put on me. And look, I'm certain that I put it up. And it wasn't for the longest time where even even more often than not, I'm like, Well, you know, having to do something, to show the love, I think is like kind of another thing. And the attachment or like, I need to visit moto to show that I care. That's not, that's not true. You don't have to do anything to be loving somewhere. All of those are kind of the fictitious and Maple Leaf and shit that you see on TV or five love languages. Those are the social compliance is programming. We're like, alright, well, you didn't do this. You didn't act the way that Matthew McConaughey did and was it made to marry or whatever, I don't think that you actually love me. Well, that doesn't make sense. And my love tank isn't full shit, you know, I don't know that I've got enough gas where. So those to me are social constructs that somebody else needs from you, in order to feel loved. And again, there's no need for any of that, I don't think in order to feel or be loved. And again, this is more attachment, the attachment aspect of love when you and that's where attachment and desire are the root of all suffering. When we've got attachment connected to anything that we desire, we're going to suffer, we're going to feel suffering, we're going to feel we're going to feel less than we're going to feel like you're going to miss something or them. And again, as I walked out the door this morning, as you initiate change, you're attached to what you've got. And you're you don't know what you may get as the next piece in your life because of change. Hope that hope that you find some of that helpful hope that you're able to initiate change without fear that you're able to initiate change without you know, being attached to a where you are right now. And be without being attached to the outcome. Something in that transition state. That is more beautiful than anything else. I think that anybody in here knows that. We've got an event to go to sometimes the preparation and everything leading up to the event is better than the event itself. Alright, y'all take care. And if you're looking for any more like this, anything else to help? I guess I'll be doing these quite a few more times somewhere. Day six of 90 in total, not in a row. Thanks to the soma breath group, David Lorenz. Played a cat. Where's that? Where's that? I gotta gotta go. There's the X
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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