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Published: March 14, 2021, 12:08 p.m.

Brandon Handley 0:00
4321 Hey, there's spiritual dope. Brandon Handley here. I don't know why I always introduce myself. The host is never gonna change. I'm spiritual dope podcast and I'm on with Kiko. Ellsworth Kiko,

Unknown Speaker 0:15
you know,

Brandon Handley 0:15
has a has a great story, spent some time in Hollywood, then, you know, transitioning, we were just talking about, like, you know, metamorphosizing into this kind of goop into butterfly mode. But you know, Kiko for the people that aren't familiar with you like, what do you like to tell them? Right? Where are you from? What do you about and you know, what's happening with you?

Kiko Ellsworth 0:39
Well, thank you for having me. And I want to say, blessings and love and peace, to all of my brothers and sisters, I love you. And I think that's the most important thing that I want to communicate, probably throughout this entire podcast, write that in there. And I truly do mean that. So, you know, I think, you know, kind of like, just really starting off, we, you know, I think we're all just born with a purpose, and we forget what it is, I think that's a part of the game. And a part of the game is to remember, and just a part of my, my story was to had to do with Hollywood and forgetting and kind of getting caught up in that and learning the tools and the power of that sort of medium. And how it can be used for anything, whether it be good or negativity, or it can be used for anything. And so I've just basically found my way to using it for good. Which brings me here to you, brother.

Brandon Handley 1:38
There you go. There you go. I love I love the idea that we can, you know, it's just a couple people connecting, right. And, you know, that's, that's all we're really doing. And we just share kind of a, you know, shared spiritual sense of being right, whatever that means. But so, the, I like to open these up with the whole idea that whoever's listening to this podcast today, whoever we're contacting today, they're gonna hear some that can only come from spear from, you know, the universe, through you to them today, like what is that message, you know, what's coming through you to that person today.

Kiko Ellsworth 2:22
That's beautiful, as beautiful. You know, what's coming through is for us to, you know, as you're listening to this,

I think we forget how beautifully made that we are. And we kind of think that we're these humans, and that we're these bodies, and that we're these titles and jobs, and, you know, and we get all uptight and shit and we perform for people, and we put on these masks and say these things and, you know, but at the end of the day, I think it's, it's really about, I don't want to say the the superficial way. So I'm gonna go underneath it is really about really, you, you knew your soul, your swagger, your mojo, your style, how you your opinion, your voice, your spin on things, you know, because nothing's new under the sun, and they're there. No, one's really different, really, in the sense really, except in how you do what you do. And that's just your, that's yours, your soul, your swagger your, how you go about life, and that sort of spirit that wants to express itself through you. And so, you know, we become very unique if we, if you do you if I do mean if you know, Brandon, you do you and but if we got to get caught up in the, you know, the mainstream of life and pleasing or playing the larger game instead of going within, then we kind of missed the mark. We kind of what I like to say we sell our soul, you know, and I don't think selling our souls necessarily like signing this contract with a devil and nothing like that. I think selling our soul happens in these little tiny micro ways every single day. These little ways that you're not freaking true to yourself, these little ways where you just not speaking your truth, these little ways where you just don't take the time to see what's really there for you. You ignore your intuition. You're ignoring what you know you're supposed to be doing. You're paying attention Are you giving too much attention and credence to the fears that are stopping you from doing what the EFF you are supposed to be doing in your life? You know,

Unknown Speaker 5:10
I love it.

Brandon Handley 5:11
Right? the you know, the the vision I've got when you're kind of talking like that it's, you know, you're already a star like, you know, blazing star out there. And like, you know, each time you're not being your story self, you're just kind of losing Stardust, right? You're diminishing yourself and you just kind of become a decrepit, right. You're not you're not being true to who you are. And, man, it's the worst, right? I can still remember, I still remember way back in the day, some some warehouse parties. And I still remember these two girls dancing, right? And I could show you my dance, I was doing like little, little white guy up on the corner, just kind of like dancing like hiding in the shadows. Right. And I but like, I was really just kind of pulled into myself and I wasn't, you know, just pulled into myself. And I was tight. And I was I wanted to dance. But you know, I wasn't sure that I was doing it. Right. Maybe people would see me and then I saw these, like two girls out there. Right. And, and, you know, they're, you know, back in the day, like those big baggy, like party people clothes, right, like his big old clothes, and just like whatever. And, you know, they're just just playing in their arms out just like taking all this space. I was like, that's so like, it's a straight up, just letting the energy flow through them. And being all of who they were, they did not give a fuck, right? They didn't care. And, you know, I was so inspired like, by by those two girls, it's like, just letting it all just energy out. And I was like, from there on out. Right, like so, you know, like, you're saying like little pieces that you're not giving into right, that you're that you're ignoring are literally diminishing, you and who you are.

Kiko Ellsworth 6:56
Yeah, and that's like, you know, it doesn't just, you know, I'm glad you brought that example, because I have some of those images. Like my very first girlfriend, I remember going to the club with her back in the day when I was like 15. And I remember getting on the dance floor, and I was that guy that you were taught that you were as well. And she was that that girl that you talked about that you saw. And she was out there. And she I just remember her hair going all over the place. And she was just doing she was taking up all the space. And I was like, whoa. And you know, I was inspired and also intimidated at the same time. And, but I never forgot that, you know, and, you know, it's it's a, it takes, it takes practice. It's interesting, because it's like, you don't need to do anything to be you because you're already you. And at the same time, it takes practice, in a sense, shaking off and creating the space that you need in this world. So you can actually be free to be you, we have to create the space, we have to exercise our muscles, we have to exercise our expression, our voice. And if we don't give it the attention and exercise and practice that it needs, when we call upon it, we're gonna get out there on the dance floor and be like, I want to dance and I know I can but like, I'm kind of like, you know, kind of like, I don't know, I haven't been practicing and will be just out of shape. That's right. Every every, I'll just say like, every, every every like, you know, as we talk, like, every moment is a moment to practice being you don't have a word. Of course, I can just talk to you like this. And I can just shoot words out of my mouth. And I can just talk and talk and talk and that's fine. Or we can talk and we can feel the word and be present with who we're being what we're saying, present to the vibration of the words coming out. You know, and this just like, practicing taking up that space in our communication, and there's so many ways to just play being you. Well, I

Brandon Handley 9:06
mean, look, I mean, I would relate it back to dance. So it's just another dance, right? Just another. I like it, I liken it to double dutch too, right? Like always, because you know, you got the two ropes going, right? You got the two ropes going,

Unknown Speaker 9:21
Yeah, and you've got to get in that

Brandon Handley 9:22
rhythm. And you've got to do you've got to jump in the middle there, right. And if you mess that up, you're getting hit by one of those rows. But when you do it and you hit it, you know, you're just having fun, you're just dancing in the middle there. And you're going all around but the same thing with you and I had a conversation and a conversation that you're present for, right? There's a there's, you can feel it. Right. And and that's that's a lot of how I liken it but I also understand too that you know, you're into martial arts or you know, you're a yoga teacher Kundalini, and all of these things, you know, they kind of all do this same thing. I mean, it correct me if I'm wrong, like Talk to me about how you see maybe martial arts playing a similar role as dancer or being present in that space. I'd love to hear that.

Kiko Ellsworth 10:09
Yes, yes, it's interesting, you bring that up, because I think that you're totally on point with that. And that's, that's exactly what my philosophy is. Because I don't, I don't see myself as an actor, or even a martial artist, or this or that, you know, at the end of the day, you know, I see myself as a creator, and I express myself in these different ways. And I allow myself to express myself through the art of acting, or through the art of martial arts, or through the art of dance, or through the art. And, you know, for me, my, you know, my job, my responsibility is to try to find as many ways as I can to authentically express my smile my soul in a way that it wants to express itself, it might not want to express itself, and I don't want to paint right now, I'm not looking for that. Or this, you know, my head right now. It's like, it's the drum, it's my, maybe it's not the guitar just yet. I'm not ready for that, or whatever the case may be. But for right now is, you know, for me to look in the way that's most true for me, you know, how, how, what feels right for me to express myself right now? And am I allowing that to flow? Or am I like, getting caught in Am I am I blocking that energy from, you know, letting it express itself, because as far as I'm concerned, man, it's like spirit just wants to express itself as much as it can through you. As much as it can through me in through all of our brothers and sisters. And if you just do your thing, Brandon, if I just do my thing if I just because it's there's so much work to do over here. For me, I can't I can't worry about your work, because I got so much work over here to do you know, and if it's like, if we're both doing our work, then it's something beautiful can happen in between the interaction between, you know, souls like you and me, man. So I appreciate it.

Brandon Handley 12:10
And I love it. As to Pete waitley, definitely one piece in here, right? How did you come to find yourself as a creator? Right? How did you when, when do you feel like you accepted that moniker for yourself? And then what, uh, you know, how would you state yourself as a creator, like, as a spirit flowing through you? You know, I'd love to hear kind of what your take is on that.

Kiko Ellsworth 12:35
I think that over the years, I've been calling myself so many things, and they've all been inaccurate.

Brandon Handley 12:43
Okay, so I bring that up, though, because I mean, we're creators of our own lives, right? And, and the sooner that we accept that, the sooner we can get to creating our own lives, right. And like, you were saying, you know, letting I love to like you, when you were talking about blocking spirit or not letting spirit kind of flow directly through you, you put your hand to your head, right? And that's, that's what happens, right? When, when we're, when we're kind of and have this conversation last night with a coach. When we're paying attention to ego, we're using our head, right, and there's, there's kind of like, this is blockage, right? But then like when we're just fully accept, and you brought your hand down a little bit, like, you know, kind of, we're full of expressing spirit, like, it's kind of flowing down through you out through your heart, and like, you know, you open up your arms a little bit too much. It's like, it's just coming through, like, a tsunami.

Kiko Ellsworth 13:36
Yeah, I think that's interesting. You picked up on that? Yeah. Because it's, it was totally unconscious. But I think that that's exactly accurate. When you if you were to, like, unpack what's going on that when we when we stopped flowing, it's, it's, it's this, that stopping the flow is our head. And it's also we're stopping the flow of this energy of seeing of the being, and we're this totally stopping and then but when we allow it, to have its way with us, man, man, just just that, that fun happens, you know, and so I think with with regards to like, accepting myself as a creator, you know, um, you know, I think the the frustration of like, what do I call myself? What do I call myself? am, I'm an actor, I'm a, I'm a director, I'm a teacher, I'm this, I'm this, I'm this and I'm like, I'm like, Damn, I was like, What? I don't know. And just changed like, hundreds of times. And, you know, I think just to keep it simple and truthful is like, at the end of the day, like, you know what, I'm a creator. Like, let me just get back, boom, I'm a creator. And so, at the end of the day, that's what I resonate. That's the truth. We're all creators. We all create our lives. We're all creating every single moment I'm creating right now. I'm creating something into the universe right now. with with with how Everything I'm doing thinking, speaking, vibrating, moving, creating something with you, my brother, listeners, my brothers and sisters with myself, you know, so, and then, you know, at certain points in my life, I've just learned that okay, and this era of my life, like right now in this era of Kiko sallallaahu Ellsworth slife right now, you know, because sometimes we need a little more definition than just creator because that's so broad. It's like, okay, but yeah, what do you do is like, okay, yeah, let me just kind of do this human thing now, you know, but at this point in my life right now, I'm identifying as, you know, an actor on camera artists, you know, that sort of identity, inspirational speaker, and high performance love and lifestyle coach. So those are my Those are my, my things that are most prevalent in my life is being able to express myself on camera, inspiring, and people, you know, speaking people speaking, on the stage with people, whether it be virtually like this on stage in front of 10,000 people, it doesn't matter. And then also actually doing the work like helping people to do the day to day work, whether I'm teaching a Kundalini yoga class, or breath work, or teaching a man how he can activate all of his cylinders as a man. So that's, that's where I'm rolling that right now, man. Yeah. Yeah.

Brandon Handley 16:29
That's great. I want to I want to get back to that. So what I want to do is kind of break into the one piece, right, you know, for a while there, there you are, your your, your Hollywood, your Mr. Hollywood Kiko? Right and you kind of like the Playboy, your party, and you've got the ladies, you've got the, you know, the vehicles and you're having a good time, right? Where is where is kind of the, the reckoning moment, right? where like, this is gonna, this this, this isn't working, right, this, uh, this isn't satisfying, this isn't fulfilling. I mean, I'd be curious to kind of what did you even recognize it as a Was it a slow burn out? Or what?

Kiko Ellsworth 17:09
Yeah, there was a few of those moments, actually, you know, 211 was, you know, and living the fast life with a woman and then you know, doing that, and I'm in the moment, and then like, this, this is, I'm in the moment, but this is not it. This is not the moment I'm not feeling it. I'm not even connecting to this, to this, this moment. This is supposed to be this is supposed to be it. This is supposed to be the fun of, of, you know, you know, being with women and, you know, running this and you know, and it just, I just remember, like, kind of like being pulled outside of my body outside of this experience that's supposed to be, you know, it, you know, the intimacy of being with a woman or women and all that stuff. And I'm like this, I'm like, I'm doing this act. And I'm like, just saying it, man. And it was like, my spear is like, yeah, you keep doing that. But like, I'm gonna be over here. And you do finish that or whatever. But I'm gonna be over here. And it's just like, Whoa, I was like, Okay, this doesn't mean much.

Brandon Handley 18:18
Yeah. So kind of like a hollow hollow moments. Right. And so hollow man, recognizing that, you know, recognizing them was it's your product of I want to say the simulation right, you know, a product of the of the simulation right, the product of I hate to say commercialism, because I'm not going to try and like hate on commercialism. Right? Because even as even as you did acting and entertainment, and that might not have been like the most fulfilling, you know, if you if you were to take that kind of role right now, you you might you might turn it down. But at the same time, there's value in entertainment, right? Everybody needs everybody needs that piece, right? everybody's like, the world's like, you know, you can get yourself down every once a while you just need something to distract. You need something to be entertained, right. So what you were finding hollow moments, right? So when, you know, when do you feel like was the Kundalini rising moment, right?

Kiko Ellsworth 19:15
Well, I was a slow rise for many, many years. And I had to add a big break down moment. But I remember another big choice of mine was when I was I remember that show heroes years ago. I don't know if you remember that. So I had a role on there. And I remember, they want me to continue to be on the show. But it overlapped with my spiritual development in a way that, you know, I was trying to learn how to be in a relationship with this woman that was helping me to advance spiritually, right. And I ended up marrying her and we ended up having a completion ceremony as well. And it was like Okay, you got to choose us. Shoes, the money in the show, and some this or you choose this over here, but you can't have both because they're both at the same time, it's like, you're gonna choose this, you know, going on a trip with her and, and, and developing and investing in your relationship or you're going to cancel the trip, postpone it, put that off, and then actually do this. And for me, you know, I just felt like I needed to choose me in that moment, and, and be willing to sacrifice the money, the fame being on a on a hit show. And that those sorts of things. And you know, and I did, and I ended up losing, you know, that role, they ended up like killing me off and stuff like that, you know, because there's someone else that's willing to take it and do those things. And

Brandon Handley 20:47
that was another moment. That's super powerful. Right? That's, uh, you know, God, I don't know that Jesus lies in the Bible lines, but I know that, you know, a big part of it is like, you know, get rid of everything else and follow me, right. And by saying that he's you know, basically you saying, doing what Jesus did, you know, get rid of everything else. That's kind of distracting and follow yourself, right? Follow follow the truth of who you are. Or at least pay attention to that intuitive moment, like you did. And choosing yourself over anything else. That's huge, man.

Kiko Ellsworth 21:24
I'm, like, enlightened, like, I mean, you tap in on it right there, like? And it goes back to the very first question that you asked me when we first started all this, right, choosing yourself, but most of us I know that I have very low self esteem, and I was very insecure, very low self esteem. When I now that Looking back, I realized that I didn't think much of myself. I and I looked at myself, and I just saw this sort of, you know, a human, you know, I didn't really see a divine being It was beautiful, and powerful and influential. And that that has all these magic, like literal magic. You know, I didn't see that. And so I think if we don't see that, we're like, Well, why would I choose me? Like, I'm just, I'm just a little old me, you know, I'm saying, Yeah, yeah. Because that's glitz and glamour. You know, I'm

Brandon Handley 22:22
saying that is? I mean, that's a great word for it, though. Right. That's the glamour. Right. That's that, you know, you're talking magical sense. Right. That's, that's the glamorization of this thing as its disillusionment. And I think that, you know, I don't know if it's purposeful. I'm not again, I'm not, I'm not a big conspiracy guy, either. I don't have that kind of time. But like, when exactly we weren't taught, we're taught to play small, right? We're taught to play small, we're taught to be humbled to, you know, be grateful for what you get, you know, don't ask for more than you need type of thing. So you are taught to be big. You weren't taught to, like, find that expression you weren't taught to? Even if you went to church, like you, and as a child, you wouldn't have understood to look for your divinity. Yeah. Right. Um, you know, at least again, not and mostly in like, the western civilization. And this is just another parallel before we started the show, you know, you know, I came upon the same thing myself, like, probably this started spiritual dope, right? Because at the start of spiritual dope, was the recognition of myself as a divine being. Right? 100% right. I do. So I've got a mini course called, like, the divine framework, right? Like it's recognized making that choice to recognize yourself as divinity is connected to the divine.

Kiko Ellsworth 23:46
What can be better than that? Yep. Because look, look, I mean, you you hit it, we were taught to be small, right? But, like, for those of you that are listening to this, you know, you are big like this is your world. Literally, like Neo in the matrix are the one that says

Brandon Handley 24:15
100% So uh, yeah, all good stuff man. And and I literally had during my awakening period, just because you're bringing up Neo references remember that part where he goes in there and he starts replicating, right? Dude? sober like for like months right? Like I didn't stop drinking right but if similar to your story, right, like we can get more into that and but replication moment, like we're like that same noise like in my body, like I was like, This is some fucking shit. Right? Like and again. So was the day is long and that was happening. I still remember calling my wife and let her know that like all this shit was going on. She's like, are you okay? Are you sober? I was like, Yeah, and that's the problem. Right like going through. I was like, that's because because you know if it was drugs or something else, I could I could I could put point to it. So, you know, you're, you're doing this right and you choose you, what are your friends saying? What are the people around you saying,

Kiko Ellsworth 25:08
I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't really know, I don't care. And at the same time, the ones that are showing up and saying things are, are are inspired, they're on board, you know, my main focus is me. And being true to me, like I said, I got enough work to do, to stay aligned with me, and to keep diving deep within me. And, you know, sometimes I come out and people have a response. And that's, and that's cool. And at the same time, you know, I'm okay with people not agreeing or saying certain things. Because at the same time, you know, it's got nothing to do with me. And I realized that as well, like, they're having their own experience, you know, whether they want to, you know, be responsible for that they're the creators of their own life and not in project what they want to project. Like, that's, that's on that's totally on them. And, you know, at the same time, there is a certain amount of reflection that I can get back from people, that also may just kind of give me a read on how I'm coming off or how, because I know, like, say, for example, if I say something that's a deep truth to me, and then I can calibrate that on a response that I get if someone responds negatively, I'm like, Okay, great. I understand that. But I'm also, you know, I'm also calibrating that this was a deep truth of mine, and I can bring up things for other people. So being able to discern the difference between, you know, if I, if I, if I'm standing in my truth, and it's bringing up negativity or something from someone else, I have to be able to discern, okay, this is something that's bringing up for them. And that has nothing to do with me. And at the same time, if it brings up something positive, and if it inspires somebody else, I have to realize that that that communication got through to somebody, right, and it inspired somebody. So I have to discern the difference between one action that can inspire some biomek. Okay, great, I see how it's resonating. And at the same time, if it brings up something negative, and someone else, being able to discern that same energy is bringing up something that has nothing to do with me, but has something to do with what someone else needs to work through in their own life, right. But I got to keep doing the same thing. I got to keep doing my thing. And my job is still the same. It's just like, Am I am I doing? Am I am I aligned here? Am I doing my Am I expressing myself better? Is it better? Am I speaking my truth? I got a lot of work to do, man. Look, I got a lot of work to do, bro.

Brandon Handley 27:42
100%. Right, right. And it doesn't stop. Let's talk. I mean, what what are some practical applications? Right? So you have the work, right? have, you know some of some of what you're doing? I know that you're you're you're helping men and women to find themselves to activate themselves to to be true to themselves? What are some? What are some practical teachings that you're sharing out there that some like, I don't know, man? What's something, you know, give me an example of something that you're working on today. And let's just walk it out. Right?

Kiko Ellsworth 28:14
Yeah, yeah. Well, let me just preempt it with this. My, my work that I do for myself, at times looks different than than the work that I do at times with people, you know, and it's, it's all it's all but it's all the one in the same as well, right? So say, for example, I'm creating this one course that I'm doing, and it's a, it's called, everyday divine love. It's just like, how you can express every day, divine, dope, powerful love, being able to say your brand, and I love you, brother. I love you. Every day, divine love being able to see the Divinity in you and me, and not feel like this is taking me away and making me less than a man like nah, every single day, I can say I love you to my brother, and not feel weak. Every single day I can say I love you to my sister, and not mean nothing sexual. I just love you, my sister. I love you. I want you to fulfill your divine mission because you came in for mission. And I want you to fulfill that. So, you know, that court and that particular course, it's really about like two things. It's about anchoring in and giving them the framework to be able to authentically start to anchor themselves for that clarity to being able to see everyone with that divine love Now that doesn't mean that we're all like a just vulnerable to everybody in the way we would get ourselves hurt. Because it's all about healthy boundaries as well too. And just because I love I love somebody that's evil, but you need to stay over there. I love you because everything's spirit right but You're at a vibration that I will not allow to come into my space at the same time, you see what I'm saying. So anchoring in that sort of insight filter to be able to see the divinity and everything. And then also the basics of breathwork, that the basics of being able to breathe properly diaphragmatic breathing, having a complete breath, most of us originated, our breath originates in our upper chest, or our clavicles, as completely unproductive. And that's going to take you completely off your path, it's going to be counterproductive to being who you need to be, and fulfill your mission. So with that, it's like, anchoring in that divine love and anchoring in just breathing properly, nothing, nothing special, just anchoring that breath down there into that diaphragm into that lower, you know, and then that chest, and then up here, and then learning how to breathe completely, right. And in that way, we can actually have, you know, sort of be the creators of our life in a very responsible and controlled, free flowing way. So that's something that I'm creating right now. But that's something that I repeatedly do, because a lot of people are so stressed, and they just don't we just, we're just in here, we're just not taught how to breathe

Brandon Handley 31:15
in and,

Unknown Speaker 31:18
you know,

Brandon Handley 31:20
if we don't know how to breathe, then you know, what else don't we know? Right? And I think that that's the crazy part. Because, you know, there you are, you're breathing, and you've been breathing your entire life. And now somebody is going to count and be like, you're doing it wrong. Like, what? What do you mean, I'm breathing wrong, I'm here, I'm alive. I'm doing well, aren't I? Like, you know, that's, are you? Right? I mean, that's a great question. Right? Like, are you? What is your What is your breathing style?

Kiko Ellsworth 31:52
You know, and it changes, obviously, for me, you know, I just make sure that like, say, say for example, my default breathing, that it always starts down here, it always starts down here. And it's something that I are constantly being conscious of a practice of just being aware of where my breathing is at. And never make myself wrong, just because like so you know, maybe in the day, I might start my breath here. I'm just conscious of it. So it's my practice to constantly be aware of how I'm breathing, where I'm reading the rate of how I'm breathing, the pattern, how I'm breathing, I don't ever feel bad. If I'm even breathing like up here. I'm not perfect with it. I'm always aware of my breathing. And then if it is somewhere else that is not necessarily optimal. I bring it back down to my belly, my navel point, my diaphragm. And what I like to say is I breathe low slow and it creates that glow. Number Baby,

Brandon Handley 32:55
I love it. The the you're talking about though, twos taken away judgment, right, just because you're not doing it and what you feel might be the best way for yourself. You're not beating yourself up over it.

Unknown Speaker 33:06
He know. Right?

Brandon Handley 33:09
So I asked that question, just out of curiosity, because there was are you familiar with I'm sure you probably are Hara style breathing, the Japanese and style of breathing? No, I

Kiko Ellsworth 33:19
never heard of that. Actually.

Brandon Handley 33:20
That's pretty cool. It's a little bit different than just I guess the in the book anyways, it says is a little bit different than Indian style of breathing, just because it stops it stops the diaphragm or the belly from dropping a little bit lower that I don't I mean, so. But it stops it from dropping just as low. But the thought that I had when I when I learned how to do a little bit of what you're talking about, right and and implementing this Hara breathing is the idea of

Unknown Speaker 33:51
Holy Grail.

Brandon Handley 33:52
Right? If you look at it, right, and I almost ended up like this. So the base down here would be the bottom of the chalice, right? And if you're squeezing here and you're breathing your, you know, your belly here, right? And then you've got up here on the top of the chest. This is the holy grail is breathing properly.

Kiko Ellsworth 34:08
Yeah, I'm gonna run with it. Yeah, you know, you're right. Because just briefly, the breath, your your quality of breath, directly influences your quality of thought. The quality of thought directly influences your quality of emotions and feelings, right? How you feel out throughout your entire body. And then our feelings and emotions directly influence our words and our actions. So our breath literally influences our ability to create the quality of life through our words. Someone that's breathing and I love the saying is like if you picture like a I think it was like a it's an old saying, but it goes. Deep breath, long life. Shallow breath close to death.

Brandon Handley 35:00
Oh, no. That's funny sounds like it's from like five fingers of venom or something like that.

Kiko Ellsworth 35:05
Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly.

Brandon Handley 35:07
You picked up on that. Um, and so, so um, and another thing you mentioned in one of the other podcasts, I thought was pretty interesting. And they brought this, they brought this up in this book is called hair, how to find it, or how to share your link when I unpack. Because it's actually really interesting. It comes from, from a German psychologist who's been about 10 years with Zen Buddhists in the 40s and 50s. Right? So he was kind of a foreigner in this space. And one of the things they talk about, and there was something that you you brought up is like you by changing the way you breed, you change where your voice is coming from, talk a little bit about that, and how that comes about,

Kiko Ellsworth 35:51
oh, man, I I remember when I when I started doing Kundalini Yoga. And I'm doing class like 4am, early in the am 4am 4:35am. And I remember at that time, I was, I was so uptight. And I'm doing these mantras, there's a lot of mantras and stuff like that. And I remember that time, my voice was caught in my throat. And it was like, it was like, up here. And it was like, tight. And it was it was higher. And it wasn't coming from my diaphragm. And it was really heavy. And I remember in that class, I was like, why am I so stressed, I'm like, there's nothing happened. It's 430 in the AM. And I felt how I was holding everything up here, and my throat, and my shoulders. And when I learned how to breathe, my voice, my breath and everything just dropped down to my diaphragm, where it's supposed to be, you know, where, where you can blow where you can, you know, where you have your power. And that's, that's where my got my voice back. The creativity just started flowing through my pacing on how I talk, you know, slow down, you know, you just you just start to get yourself back. You know, this is beautiful, man.

Brandon Handley 37:19
100% 100%. And so this is something that you're you're another another piece I enjoyed hearing you talk about was how acting helped you to connect to your emotions, right? And to actually feels I love that. It's funny. About two weeks ago, I interviewed Anthony Mondale,

Unknown Speaker 37:40
are you familiar with him? Mondale?

Brandon Handley 37:42
Yeah, he's an acting coach out there in LA. Just wasn't sure if you guys ever cross paths?

Kiko Ellsworth 37:47
No, not my dad. One of my great friends is Anthony Montgomery. Not No, no.

Brandon Handley 37:53
Yeah. So when I was interviewing him, it was talking a little bit about this, right. Like, you know, he was saying, like, everybody needed, maybe I think classes. Absolutely. And, and, and I connected the two today when I was listening your podcast earlier. So talk a little bit about how that works. And you know, what, what, you know, how can somebody apply acting to, you know, figuring out their own emotions and their shit?

Kiko Ellsworth 38:17
Yeah, I think especially for, especially for men for both sexes, obviously. But especially for a man like fought for man, like, what we're coming from is like, Man, you better not cry, you better suck it up. You know, you being a little worse, you being that, you know, you better man up you better, you better you better man up, you know what I'm saying? We're coming from that sort of up tight, macho, you know, illusion type of crap. So, you know, a lot of men, you know, it's good for men, because it's almost like an excuse to cry. It's like, we have an excuse. It's like, Oh, no, I wasn't really going to cry. It's like, I'm an actor. So I get to cry. It's kind of like a bridge. And you're just

Brandon Handley 39:00
practicing for a role, right?

Unknown Speaker 39:02
Oh, man.

Kiko Ellsworth 39:04
You know, I was a real, you know, but but it gives us an excuse to get in touch with ourselves. Because once we make contact with ourselves, we go beyond that, that sort of fear. And we realize that, that it's actually okay. And that is actually a natural part of us. It's actually those if you imagine that we're a 12 cylinder, high performance vehicle, and that we're only using our masculine side, right that that strong, aggressive sun energy, we're only using six of our cylinders. But when we start to tap into that, that Yin, that recessive side, that feminine side of who we actually are that part that can slow us down and be more sensitive and creative, right? Then we actually get in touch with those other cylinders. Because, you know, being in touch with our emotions allows us to navigate life. I can't always just be aggressive with you or A child or a woman, I can't always be completely masculine. I have to know when to receive, when to stop, when to listen. And then when to apply myself to penetrate. It's a dance just like martial arts, I can't always strike I got to know when to block. You know, the best martial artists are boxers, the ones that know how to like, you know, like, Oh my God, look how he's like slipping that punch. Look how he's blocked and look at how he's moving. That's a feminine move right there. That's, that's it, that's an emotional move. That's being sensitive, that's being aware. And being aware and sensitive of what's going on with you from an emotional state is, is essential. If a person but particularly a man because we struggle with it the most. If a man wants to evolve, particularly he has to be aware, really aware of his emotions, if he wants to evolve as a man, if not, he's gonna he's gonna be like a dinosaur. And he's gonna, you're gonna die, he's gonna, he's not gonna be able to keep up with evolution does so so I mean, look, I

Brandon Handley 41:05
mean, there's, what you're saying is there's there's a lot of power in feeling that emotion and recognizing it, what's what's, uh, what's like the first tool that you give to a man who's just trying to figure out his emotions.

Kiko Ellsworth 41:18
Uh, it all It all depends where he's at, you know, for me, it's,

Brandon Handley 41:23
I'm in off the streets, and I, I'm tough as hell, and I don't have any emotions. So what's, uh,

Kiko Ellsworth 41:30
yeah, yeah. Well, I think the first thing is having a real conversation to acknowledge that everybody has emotions. And that, if you really are man, let's say for example, I might be dealing with this stuff, too, right? It's like, okay, so you're man, you're tougher. Right? So So when did you get hurt? So I know that cuz everybody gets hurt. You weren't born? It's where were you born this way. So where were you like before? You think that you didn't have motions? When did you stop having emotions? Look, your heart. Let's be real. Let's be tough about this. Who broke your heart, man, I don't remember who broke my heart. And I'll share, I'll share myself and I might even tear up I because I need to create a space right for him. So he feels safe, I need to lead by example. Right? So I'll create a space where he can start to see maybe himself in me. And then he can start to share himself. So he needs to learn how to explore the inner workings of his if several, he never felt safe to explore the inner workings of himself to reveal himself to himself, literally. That's how he's going to find him his strength. So, you know, some it's, it's, it's, uh, you know, I don't ever come out at the same way. And at the end of the day, I don't go out just looking for men. They gotta want it themselves.

Brandon Handley 42:40
We look. Yeah, that's I mean, that's huge. Right. Gotta want it.

Kiko Ellsworth 42:48
Yeah, right.

Brandon Handley 42:48
I still, you know, I think that I'm not sure if you were like me. And, you know, when you first kind of had your moments of awakening moments, or you're, you're like, Hey, y'all are spiritual now. Right? Yeah. Like, like a, you know, it's like I was. No, I'm

Kiko Ellsworth 43:05
not I'm not doing the drinkin and stuff.

Unknown Speaker 43:08
Already. Yeah, I'm

Brandon Handley 43:10
like, it's old school, right? Like, quite literally, like, I'm like, Hey, y'all, let's go streak in, right. And everybody's like, nobody's coming with me. But that's okay. But you know, there's also that point where you realize, like, you were talking earlier, it's, it's your own experience, and everybody else is having their own experience. And you got to want it, right, you got to be looking for it in order to, to immediately if you're not looking for it, you won't find it right.

Kiko Ellsworth 43:35
At some point, you're being selfish in that sense. You know, I'm gonna say it like that. You got to just start thinking about you. Because here's the thing. Like, I might say this to a guy too. I might say this, like, Look, you're gonna die, dude, you're gonna die. One day, you're gonna die. And you can either look back on your life because I believe we're gonna be able to look back on our life. And no, we're just gonna, you're gonna know. And so like, you can live a life that you're proud of. Right? And you can really have shown up in the best way that you can, or you can continue to, like, do what you've been doing. Right? Like we want to, we want to die proud. We want to challenge ourselves. We want to evolve ourselves as men, and be that and do the things that we need to say confront the fears, we need to say heal the relationships that we need to heal. You know, one of the most proud things I'm most proud of, is I you know, me and my dad I really was like over 30 years I healed my relationship with my dad. I created 100% peace with my dad. That was the relationship I did other ones too. You know, I'm saying but that was the one that was the one that was the monster that was the one I was most afraid of. That was the one that was the breakthrough. Right? What

Brandon Handley 44:39
was what was what made it the monster like I mean, what was what was it that you know, what was the wall like?

Kiko Ellsworth 44:46
Because I was afraid of my dad. I was afraid of my dad. You know, growing up. That was where a lot of the abuse happened to alcohol the the manipulation the that sort of thing you don't I'm saying I was afraid of my dad. He was the big bad monster. You know what I'm saying? I'm walking on eggshells being afraid It all started with, like, you know, my dad, you know, and now you know, but my dad, at the time when he had me when he was so young, right, I don't blame my dad, you know, like, but for me for being a young boy and and then having your dad, your hero, that figure and then being afraid of that, and then you have and then having to overcome that your entire life. You know, I'm saying that's that's like the big bad monster. So for me to, you know, when I was engaging in the world The reason why I didn't have my voice and the reason why I was afraid is because I was initially afraid of my dad.

Unknown Speaker 45:32
Yeah, well, I

Kiko Ellsworth 45:32
mean, that's why I was afraid to the entire world. Yeah, cuz.

Brandon Handley 45:36
Yeah. So I mean, I didn't mention it. But my first my first foray into doing the podcast was fatherhood stuff, right? covering the fatherhood space, right? Just understanding how important that is to have somebody that does the first stop. Right, your first office at home? Yep. Right. And so having to deal with a father like that, that tells you a lot, right, and what you had to overcome. So I mean, that's powerful that you did it, like, what do you do? You know, what do you attribute the largest of it, you know, kind of overcoming it just all the work that you did on yourself and fully accepting him for who he was? And, you know, what, what was the final breakthrough for you?

Kiko Ellsworth 46:13
I think, you know, it's interesting. My own dedication to myself, being selfish, wanting to be just the best version of myself, helped me to be the person I need to be to really make that job happen. That's one thing, right. And then along the path, I realized that I was in a Iosco ceremony, you know, one of these Iosco ceremonies, I've done like a lot of those, right. And in one of these ceremonies, I wrote down two words, I wrote down, Hey, Dad, that's all I wrote down. Because at that point, when I was in that, in the middle of that, I realized that if I could just say to my dad, Hey, Dad, with an open heart, peaceful, love, I realized that's what I wanted. And I didn't realize it. And many of us men don't realize we like oh, or woman or whatever, like, I'm cool. I'm cool. Just being over here. At the end of the day, I just like I challenge you, that we all really do want it, we might not think that it's possible, there might be a lot of pain, there might be we might have given up hope, we might not have the tools, we might not have developed ourselves enough. That might be looking like a big 30 foot 100 foot wall 20 feet thick, it might look impossible. That said, the child inside of us still wants that peace, wants that relationship still wants something healthy. And I think that we have an opportunity, we might not have been able to do it as a child. But we have an opportunity if we actually get the tools and the resources to be able to actually create that some of us got a really it took me 30 years, you got to fight for that. And then gonna be easy, right? You might not, you might never get the response that you need. But it's not about that always, it's really about like healing this up in here. And let me tell you, when I finally broke through to my dad, Yo, I found it I put it like this. I had there was like three, not physical fights. But there was three fights with my dad like emotional fights. The first one was like an explosion of volcanoes all over the place. crying tears, I remember was like, in the beginning, it was like in the middle of an alley dives, I got out the middle of his truck. And I was yelling at him. And it was just, it was all over the place. A second one. Same thing, but not as intense, right. Third time was same thing. definitely like it was like about 25% and intense. But I was much more in control with my tools and how to show up. And it was like, it was like I had to manage my ego and my spirit manages, right, keep him so he wasn't able to like run away and get out of the situation. And you know, hit it over here with my ego, maybe confront him with something and then speak my heart and then do this but and then also not be emotionally attached to what was going on with him. But be my own. It was there, then and then it was like and then it was like I remember the moment then he sat down. I'm not gonna tell you some Look, look. It's like Scarface waving a little white flag. never see that happen ever. So you're going to shoot me like I'm going out with it's like right? See, my dad at that time. Put it to sit down was like seeing having Scarface surrender. And I remember in that moment, everything changed. because something happened that I didn't even know that I was looking for and my dad Man, he spoke to me in a tone that that I hadn't heard like, in 40 years. Since I was a boy since I was like five. And a part that that little boy inside of me was like, I remember him. Yeah. I remember that voice. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't. I wasn't available for it in all the stuff that had happened throughout life, and all this stuff. But that didn't change the fact that when I heard that voice, that's what I wanted to hear.

Brandon Handley 50:35
Yeah. Yeah. I love that man. Yeah, you were able to just kind of get back to to the space, right? Where is just the two of you. You know, there's that Father, Son and father child bond. I mean, look, you've got your daughter, right. I don't know if you've got any other children. But there's that bond and do when when you're given all of your heart guests. And that's kind of a tone that you heard from your father, right? Like, get the unconditional love of a father and a child. And that's what had been missing for you for so long.

Kiko Ellsworth 51:05
Yeah, yeah. And as soon as I broke through with my dad, I was able to connect with my daughter at a deeper level, because I had a block with my daughter.

Unknown Speaker 51:14
Yeah,

Kiko Ellsworth 51:15
up until that point, when I broke through with my dad, I broke through with my daughter. And she also established a connection with him because she was like, disconnected from him, too. And I was wondering what was happening. And I was like, I want to be more connected. But it's not. That happened. It just started flowing.

Brandon Handley 51:32
There it is. There it is, man, I love it. So you know, you've got this, you've got training, you've got courses, where, you know, you're working with other people, I believe, you know, that you're also getting back into some acting right? You're getting back to work?

Unknown Speaker 51:48
Well, in front of the camera, we'll get in front of the camera. Okay. All right. All right.

Kiko Ellsworth 51:54
Yes. Is back for sure. Most definitely, absolutely.

Brandon Handley 51:58
so forth, we expect to see you this year.

Kiko Ellsworth 52:03
You know, this is what matters most right here having these conversations. And, you know, this, it starts with, like, it has been starting with, like these sorts of podcasts and these sorts of interviews. You know, I walked away from entertainment, because I didn't, I didn't have anything of value, in my opinion, to talk about, that truly matter, anything that I felt where I had a real foundation to stand upon. But being able to talk about things like my relationship with my father, now I got something to talk about. For me. That's the stuff that matters in life. That's the stuff that matters when we are on our deathbed when we're transitioning and going back to our home, right? That's the type of stuff that we can be proud of, you know, so, you know, starts with like this, I'm doing some a lot of public speaking. This this year as well, too. It might not be this particular year, like in TV or film. But that that will likely happen in the next like two years or so. What I'm what I'm doing is I'm getting back in front of the camera in ways that are most meaningful. And my job is just to listen to spirit, and to do and to go where spirit guides me. And like right now it has me speaking with you. And I'm so blessed to be here with you, brother. I'm so appreciative of you and holding the space spiritual dope podcast. Thank you to you and your listeners, man. And I'm just you know, I'm just grateful man. Yeah, thank you.

Brandon Handley 53:30
I'm so appreciative to have this opportunity to speak with you right to get to connect. And to be able to use a platform like this to do that. Right. So where can I send people then to connect with you? Where should we Where should we go? Get us some more Kiko?

Kiko Ellsworth 53:43
Your Yeah, um, you can find me on Instagram. It's just Kiko Ellsworth KKOELL sw rth. On Instagram and everything is like you can find everything that I do. They're awesome.

Brandon Handley 53:56
Well Kiko thank you so much again, man. You know, I'm sure most of people know you know, novice days is is is what it means to say, you know, I salute the Divinity within you. So I salute the Divinity with

Transcribed by https://otter.ai