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A response to seeing the word trauma everywhere... TL:DR - You don\'t heal your trauma by focusing on your trauma. I am certainly sensitive to your trauma and believe that you have all had some shitty experiences... some severe... but how do you move forward?

Brandon Handley 0:00
is going on. It started this off is like fuck your drama. So with even more emphasis that was a conversation that I had with Meg this morning. For some reasons here, it\'s my birthday. So happy birthday to me traumas on the mind. And Tom was really only on the mind because I am seeing it everywhere everybody\'s got some fucking trauma. I keep seeing into me it\'s like traumas like the new vulnerability of you if you\'ve been in social media the past couple of years is vulnerability was huge. When Brene Brown came out with that nobody was trying to be more vulnerable expose themselves. And now it\'s this this trauma. And everybody seems to be identifying with their trauma, identifying with the hurt identifying with what needs to be healed, or wants to be healed. Because that\'s, I mean, how do we how do we heal our trauma, right? Let\'s heal that trauma. And I get it, right, you\'ve got a story. You\'ve had an experience, something has happened to you and your life has been less than ideal. And it\'s become a part of your identity. This is why I am how I am. This is how I got here. I\'ll tell you. Years ago, I had a coach, and he asked me what it was about me that made me different, why should people pay attention to what it is that I\'m doing? I was like, well, because my story is like, that\'s great. Everybody\'s got a story and as a cold, cold fucking piece. But sometimes you need to hear that sometimes you need to hear that your story is just that, that is your story. And I\'m not going to say that these experiences were awesome. I\'m not going to say that you should have trauma in your life. But I will say that, to me, again, it\'s one person\'s perspective. We also take a look at psychology and psycho analysts and all that others all that shit is still pretty much emerging like less than 200 years a little bit like a practice. So take all the even that with a grain of salt as it continues to develop. And as we continue to learn more and more about really who we are, how we function the way we happen, and all that other jazz, but trauma is self defined. Now I\'ll give you a kind of an example of a traumatic event has happened last night at our house. Liam wasn\'t able to find a rock dude, you know, he\'s like nine years old wasn\'t able to find a rock. I was like alright, well you can\'t find the rock go look in your room go look for it. Because I\'m not insensitive but at the same time I don\'t know where the kids put all their shit and at some point they need to figure out where it is that\'s what was going through my head so you know go find your shit happy to help when you need some actual help. And again, I\'m sure I\'m causing you know some type of shit and that but you know turned out he couldn\'t find it right a little bit later hurt on crying with like Meg and then and then there\'s like this thing that\'s kind of kind of grew larger and larger and larger. And finally I was like fuck it let\'s go help find this fucking rock. right let me look just being just being honest with you here. So you know I go up the steps I\'m like, let\'s go find the rock and at some point, I was like it\'s just a rock man. You know? I get it sucks to lose something but it\'s look quite literally just a rock. And I realized in that moment that it was insensitive. I\'m not trying to be a dick. So hold off there like rooting through all this she\'s like I think it\'s in a drawer so I\'m like no pile on through his drawers and trying to find it can\'t find it. He\'s still crying. And it\'s an it\'s a big mess. And and we kind of we get to the point where what happened who couldn\'t find it and I was like look but he\'s a you know, as a first of all, I was like, what what is the what\'s the significance of this rock to you? Like, why is this you know, rock significant? And I think he\'d said something along the lines of of that you know, I got this rock with you, right found this rock with you and and, you know, just he just loved the rock

and how and trying to add some levity to the situation. and trying to break through the trauma, as it were of the moment. I was like, Well, that makes sense. You found the rock with me, and I get it now. And, you know, took a moment for me to get there, and help to understand the significance of that moment for him and continue throughout the evening, you continue to cry, continue to be upset, there was other things. You know, I gotta imagine there\'s other things that happen. And you eventually, Meg did find the rock and save the evening. And I spent some time with Liam just holding on to the rock and laying around and watching the show and letting them cry through it right, and not chastising them for, you know, crying because I felt like he needed to let a lot of things go. And I share the story. Because do years from now, and I don\'t know that\'s going to be a moment in his life traumatic is traumatic. Your trauma may be you didn\'t win an auction and get the Gucci bag. Right. Your trauma could be you got let go of from a job. Your trauma could be you lost your mother.

And the thing is, is, you know, again, it\'s kind of self defined. And right now, it seems like everybody\'s just allowed, or even being encouraged to go seek trauma to go find your trauma, go find your trauma, heal your trauma. And I would encourage you to absolutely seek healing. There is a book that I was, and I still am a huge fan of it. It\'s called The Science of Getting Rich. And in that book he talks about because you don\'t solve poverty by focusing on poverty. Right? It\'s like you don\'t solve the problem by focusing on the problem, you find you\'ve solved the problem by focusing on the solution, what\'s on the opposite side of that problem? Right? What does it kind of look like when that is no longer a problem? And LP does this very well. And in limiting beliefs, right? Your trauma. Like it or not, maybe one of your and I\'m not trying to be insensitive here, but it may be one of your limiting beliefs. What happens maybe if you translate that word trauma to experience, you had a less than ideal experience you hadn\'t? You know, you had this experience? How are you going to use that? What is what happens inside of that experience that maybe could propel you and your future? Maybe you could encourage people to hate trying to think of a good one here. But how can you encourage people through what you\'ve learned through your trauma? Where How could you let somebody know that hey, these actions that you do, while they may seem like I don\'t know, small, may have this enormous impact. And the thing here is also not to be it\'s to be sensitive, but not overly sensitive, wherever everything turns into trauma, right. And I want to kind of highlight this with a with a small story. The story of two brothers, one brother, who goes throughout life gives back to the community is heralded he\'s super successful in all that he does. And the other brother, he\'s an alcoholic, he drinks he does drugs, he\'s always getting support from the outside and never seems to be able to pull this shit together. Alright, and when people talk to them, due to the brothers, the one brother, the very successful one, when people were like, well, you know, how did you how did you get like this? And he goes, Well, you know, my dad was an alcoholic. So I, you know, I didn\'t want to turn out like that I use, like, how I grew up to seek the opposite of that to turn into the truth of who I am right to be who I want to be. And same thing for the other brother. He goes, Well, gee, you know, how, how can we help? Like, how did you end up like this? How did you get here? Because, you know, my dad was an alcoholic. So you know, that\'s how I was raised. That\'s just all I know. And that\'s, that\'s what I became. So you can see right there. Do you know these two people have the same experience. And they leverage it in different ways. You know, I, again, was just thinking about this this morning. And you know what happens if you had to get on a small flight, we\'re just watching or just watching the show Yellow Jacket, yellow jackets on Showtime, pretty, pretty traumatic. There, right? Experience. But what happens if you hop onto a flight and all your thoughts, all your traumas, everything, all your experiences, you need to just call them baggage, right? Because that\'s what we used to call, call this stuff and be like, Oh, that person\'s got a lot of baggage is called baggage. But what happens if you, you label all your experiences baggage? And then you say, alright, well, you can only take so many of these things with you on this flight. So that you can live your best life? Are you going to bring your trauma? Are you going to bring the story of how you could be this but you can\'t because of this trauma?

And I just you know, again, look, there are some things out there and there\'s some things bigger than then that definitely need healing. I\'m not saying that that\'s not true. But how can you make use of your trauma? How can you use it for your benefit? I had a course that I took this earlier this year Sreekumar Rao\'s creative and personal mastery. And in one of those scenarios is like how it was how to become bigger than the problem. And I guarantee you, I promise you that you are bigger than your trauma, you are greater than your trauma. I think the other person that we think about too is like, what about Abe Lincoln? Right? What about Abe Lincoln if we take a look at of all the setbacks, everything that ever happened to him, right in 1832 He lost his job and he was defeated for state legislator 1833 He was failed in business appointed postmaster of New Salem, Illinois, and it didn\'t make it 1835 Sweetheart died at 36 He had a nervous breakdown 1838 He was nominated for you know, House Speaker and he was defeated for speaker in 1843. Defeated for nomination for Congress 1848 Last renomination 1849 rejected for land officer 1854 defeated for US Senate 1856 defeated for nomination for vice president two years later, he\'s again defeated for US Senate. And then in 1860, he was elected president. Like holy shit, like what if at any one moment, it was so easy to just attach who you are and your capabilities to any one of those scenarios and just fucking stop? Right? Just let let it go. Like what would have happened if he let his trauma be his identity? I know a lot. Even me I\'m like, Well, if he still be alive, like, you know, he would have lived longer. True. Even in that sense, right? You know, that kind of takes the opposite approach of you know, just because these good things happen. Are they actually good things anyways? You know, that\'s just kind of my thought this morning. I\'m little I\'m not I am I\'m tired of seeing trauma. Everything seems like a trauma right now. It seems like the popular things, all the cool kids have trauma. Right now, I\'d encourage you to take a look at what you\'re identifying as trauma. And if you need help, absolutely get it like I mean, if it\'s something that is not working out well for you. There\'s all kinds of modalities. If one is not working out for you, please go seek out another because there is more than one road to travel for healing. Give that example as at our house. We\'re excuse me, experiencing healing through tuning forks and acupuncture. Other people may be experiencing it through talk therapy through psychologists through psychoanalyst. Other people may be experiencing it through drum circles through community through giving back whatever it is that you\'ve experienced this traumatic and you need healing. Please absolutely go get it. My only cry out to you is to he\'ll write focus on your healing focus on either leveraging your trauma as something that you could do good with or, you know, help catapult you forward in life and not let it be something that weighs you down and sucks the fucking life out of you. Right? That\'s not what spiritual dope is about for sure. Spiritual dope is about connecting with your inner greatness, identifying your greatness, being cool with that and growing that so that you know you can become connected and become a fully self actualized person. And that\'s, you know, that\'s for another day, but that\'s what that\'s what we\'re here for. Hopefully this has been helpful for you. I\'ll talk to you later.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai