02. The (over-processing) Mind: What is Gaslighting? And is it happening to me?
b'This is Rambles & Doodles, the research and development podcast about reflection, journaling, and self discovery. This week, Melinda asks \\u201cwhat is gaslighting and is it happening to me?\\u201d. Starting with storytime, Melinda shares that she is a crier and has been since life began (so middle school because that\\u2019s when life starts).\\xa0\\nAt the kitchen table: Melinda tells the story of receiving basketball feedback from her older brother on her crying - he knew they needed to figure it out. It was okay to cry if she could also play! He suggested she try doodling. Crying wasn\\u2019t the problem - she needed to be in it and signal to other people she was okay. This week: We are talking about gaslighting and the protective factors that fight against it. In a cafe in Dallas, Melinda read an article on gaslighting from Turn This World Inside Out by Nora Samaran. Realizing she hadn\\u2019t fully grasped the definition, she returned to the article during the pandemic. Gaslighting: When someone you trust denies your perception - it is intimacy because trust is thinking that person has your best interests at heart. Being a woman, the daughter of an immigrant, and an American, you have to believe this country is fair. You have to trust: everything you need you can get if you\\u2019re good enough. If you are logical enough, and have enough facts, you can be right. Power & oppression: Gaslighting is a mechanism for power and oppression. To deny someone\\u2019s reality is to tell them what they feel and sense isn\\u2019t real. As women, we don\\u2019t need to be stronger, we need someone to believe us. We are socialized to be more in tune with our feelings (and we learn this by necessity). Questioning the systems of oppression sparks gaslighting in the white men who benefit from the system. Capitalism, white supremacy, and patriarchy are fueled by the lies we believe that uphold them. Doing the Work: Melinda explores how the messages we received from the world about how to do the work of anti-racism \\xa0in the wake of racial uprisings in June 2020 led her to question how she knew the work needed to be done - in community, connection, and deep conversation. Being gaslit (gaslighted? gassed?) led to her getting quiet. Intent and IMPACT: \\xa0Part of our ability to nurture comes from our ability to weigh intent more heavily than impact. Gaslighting is gaslighting based on the impact, not the intent because it de-centers the survivor. Part of why grasping gaslighting was challenging for Melinda because she was taught to deny that she could ever be denied. Tears on the Court: \\xa0Melinda reframes tears as a signal, she is whole and she is here.\\nJournal Prompt: What is something you know to be true that you have allowed to be denied? Who has broken your trust? What are the practices you need to put into your life to allow you to trust yourself? What protective factors allow you to trust who you are? What practices protect you from the forces of oppression that want to stop you from questioning them?\\nJournal Tip: Doodling as a way to ground yourself.\\nShow Notes:\\nKeep up with Melinda on Instagram @melinda.barbosa\\xa0\\nTurn this world Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture by Nora Samaran, \\xa0Zentangles\\xa0\\n\\n--- \\n\\nSend in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/melinda-barbosa/message'