EP 91: Stop Sabotaging Your Relationship with Samantha
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This episode is about being able to accept love.\\xa0 Today\\u2019s caller, Samantha is in a new loving relationship but has anxiety about it which is causing her to push her partner away. Ultimately, she fears she will sabotage the relationship.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode91]
When we lack self-love and acceptance we doubt our own lovability. When what we really want is coming to us we get scared and push it away, because we doubt our own lovability. When we doubt our own lovability it makes us do some sabotaging things when it comes to relationships.
I gave Samantha some practical behavioral shifts, because awareness alone does not create change. If we think our past is part of who we are, we will never be truly free of it. We need to get the point where we realize the past is the past. It happened but it doesn\\u2019t have to be who we are.
Many times when we have a difficult experience in our past, we hold on to it because having it gets us pity, love, compassion, and attention from others. On an unconscious level, we hang on to it because we think it is how we can get compassion and be connected to people. When we hold on to our story too much, it gets us in a trap of consistently attempting to heal the past, rather than make the behavioral choices that create what we want in the present and for the future.
Eventually, you have to drop the story.
You\\u2019ll notice I used a tough-love approach when coaching Samantha. To understand why I did it and the profound shifts that can occur because of it, check out my Coaches Corner \\u2014 Tough Love and People who Have Helped Me in Profound Ways.\\xa0 In last week\\u2019s Coaches Corner, I interviewed my friend Amanda Steinberg, author of Worth It. The episode is about embracing your relationship with money. And, don\\u2019t miss this week\\u2019s Coaches Corner with thought leader Danielle Laporte.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
\\u25cf Do you want love, especially in the form of a romantic relationship, but it scares you?
\\u25cf Are you in a romantic relationship now, and engaging in sabotaging behavior?
\\u25cf Have you talked about your past and your story, but things aren\\u2019t shifting for you? Is the anxiety you feel about being in a relationship still there?
\\u25cf Are you willing to get out of your comfort zone to break some patterns? Even if it\\u2019s scary?
Samantha\\u2019s Question:
Samantha would like to know how to be free of the fear and anxiety she is feeling in her new relationship.
Samantha\\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
\\u25cf She\\u2019s afraid of being hurt.
\\u25cf She puts up a wall and shuts down when speaking with her new partner.
\\u25cf She is trying to protect herself.
\\u25cf She still identifies with her story.
\\u25cf She is giving the people from her past too much power in her current life.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
\\u25cf She needs to go back and deal with her past.
\\u25cf To move to the next phase she needs to change her behavior.
\\u25cf She should do release writing when instead of zoning out.
\\u25cf She needs to understand she is not alone.
\\u25cf She needs to do the opposite of her current conditioned response.
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Action Steps:
\\u25cf Take a look at your old story about love; write it out. What are you still carrying around from your past, you keep playing out? Make a list of the things you think are protecting you.
\\u25cf It\\u2019s time to break patterns and shift your behaviors. You have to lean in and get a little uncomfortable, if you want change to happen.
Sponsor:
ONNIT: Get a 10% discount on your order by using this link.
Resources:
Coaches Corner \\u2014 Tough Love\\xa0
Inner Circle Membership Community \\u2014 This month\\u2019s focus is sexuality and sexiness.
Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
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