EP 89: Stop Pleasing People with Laura
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This episode is about reassurance. Laura is a people pleaser. She goes above and beyond for people and doesn\\u2019t get it back in return. She then feels disappointed. I work with her on understanding why she people pleases, why it\\u2019s selfish to be a people pleaser, and how to shift out of the pattern.
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode89]
You may have heard me say this many times before, but people pleasing is selfish. It\\u2019s really all about you. You are the one who doesn\\u2019t want to upset people, you want to avoid confrontation, and you are the one who is worried about how people perceive you.
Laura knows how to be loving and giving; she just needs to direct it towards herself. Use this call as a catalyst to look at your own patterns without judgment, and without beating yourself up. The key to personal development is to work on yourself, without thinking anything is wrong with you. No one outside of you can give you the acceptance and love you need.
And, to shift out of a pattern, we have to let go of things from our past. We have to come to peace with the fact that some people in our lives are never going to change. Many people don\\u2019t have the tools to change, or they don\\u2019t want to change. The older they get, the more their patterns are reinforced.
If you feel like the black sheep of the family, or you don\\u2019t fit it, it\\u2019s ok. You may be the change maker and the lightworker. You may be the one who is willing to break generational patterns. You can love and accept your biological family but find your soul family.
As Gandhi said, be the change you wish to see in the world.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
\\u25cf Do you relate to being a people pleaser?
\\u25cf Can you acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments, but struggle acknowledging yourself for just who you are?
\\u25cf Do you feel like the black sheep of your family, and sometimes you are afraid to be who you are because you might lose your family\\u2019s approval?
Laura\\u2019s Question:
Laura feels she goes above and beyond for people, and they don\\u2019t return the effort. She wants to know how to break the pattern of being a people pleaser.
Laura\\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
\\u25cf People don\\u2019t put as much effort into her as she does for them.
\\u25cf She continues to look for the love and acceptance she wanted from her mother and father in other people.
\\u25cf She is looking for attention and validation.
\\u25cf She feels genuine in her job as a social worker.
\\u25cf Her father never told her he loved her, and she resents him for it.
\\u25cf She blames herself for what happened to her as a child.
\\u25cf She is ready to break past patterns.
\\u25cf She is the lightworker in her family.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
\\u25cf She should accept her parents didn\\u2019t give her the love and acceptance she wanted, and give herself the love, acceptance, and validation she didn\\u2019t get when she was little.
\\u25cf Everything she wants people to say to her, she should say to herself.
\\u25cf She should accept her position as the lightworker in her family.
Takeaways:
\\u25cf When you are doing things for others, check in with yourself to see if you are giving without any expectations or attachment to getting something in return. Ask yourself is this giving really coming from love.
\\u25cf Reverse the golden rule \\u2014 Do unto yourself as you do unto others.
\\u25cf Forgive the past. Let it go. and stop expecting people to change.
\\u25cf Have gratitude and acceptance if you are the black sheep of the family, and find your soul family.
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Resources:
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Find me on Snapchat @chrishassler
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