EP 401: How to Get Over Someone You Cant Seem to Get Over with Matthais
b'
This episode is about getting over someone we can\\u2019t seem to get over. Today\\u2019s caller, Matthais, is hung up on someone he can\\u2019t seem to get over but, as usual, it has to do with something much deeper. Often, it is the relationships that don\\u2019t work out that teach us the most.
\\xa0
[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode401]
\\xa0
As children, we are naturally intimate, but if our parents can\\u2019t be intimate back we start to shut down. Because intimacy feels scary and unfamiliar. And, even though everyone wants to be loved, they push love away because love has hurt them in the past. So, when love comes to us we push it away because it is unfamiliar.
\\xa0
An avoidant attachment relationship pattern is when someone loves us and we push them away. It\\u2019s because love feels unfamiliar and scary. Love feels like it hurts because as children, we naturally love our parents. When we don\\u2019t feel that love back from our parents in the way we as children give love, it\\u2019s very disorienting and it can make us not trust love. So, when someone wants to love us, it feels unfamiliar and unsafe.
\\xa0
Whereas, when there is someone distant and aloof with us and maybe love bombs us, it feels great in the beginning but then the great feeling fades. Or, the person will give us ultimatums we have to fulfill and make us chase them. It makes us yearn for something familiar to us, and we often confuse the feeling with love because it is familiar.
\\xa0
When we are hung up on someone, we think we are missing them but what we are missing is something we need to embody within ourselves. When we heal our inner child, we begin to choose the love we truly desire, not a feeling that triggers us.
\\xa0
Consider/Ask Yourself:
-
Is there someone that you\\u2019ve broken up with or that broke up with you but you just can\\u2019t seem to let them go?
-
Did you have a parent that wasn\\u2019t there for you in the way that you truly desired?
-
Do you relate to having an avoidant attachment style?
-
Did you have a parent that parentified you or even made you their spouse and you didn\\u2019t get to be a kid?
\\xa0
Matthais\\u2019s Question:
He had a painful breakup that he can\\u2019t seem to get over. He would like guidance on how to get over it and move forward.
\\xa0
Matthais\\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
-
He hasn\\u2019t felt emotional pain in his life before like he did with this breakup.
-
He is having difficulty connecting with new people.
-
He was very much in love.
-
The breakup was abrupt.
-
His ex triggered something deep inside of him.
-
He has some wounding in his past about his looks.
-
His ex said he triggered her childhood wounding.
-
He has an avoidant attachment style.
-
His parents divorced when he was 15 and has struggled with it for 25 years.
-
His mother was caring but he has been the only man in his mother\\u2019s life.
-
He may be choosing partners who mirror his relationship with his father.
-
He hasn\\u2019t experienced true intimacy.
-
He felt his dad didn\\u2019t want him and his mother parentified him.
-
He is attracted to controlling women.
\\xa0
How to Get Over It and On With It:
-
Discontinue any communication with his ex. Let her go.
-
When he thinks of his ex, tell himself that it wasn\\u2019t a healthy love and that real love is safe.
-
Work on his inner child by exploring the self-guided Inner Child Workshop.
-
Feel into self-love.
\\xa0
Takeaways:
-
Read the book Attached or dive into the Coaches Corner episodes on attachment styles.
\\xa0
Sponsor:
Aquatru \\u2014 purifies water using a four-stage reverse osmosis process. The countertop purifiers remove 15 times more contaminants than ordinary pitcher filters. Their long-lasting and affordable filters are independently tested and certified to NSF standards to remove over 80% of the most harmful contaminants. Go to Aquatru.com and enter OVERIT at checkout to get 20% off any purifier.
\\xa0
Resources:
Christine Hassler \\u2014 Take a Coaching Assessment
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Jill@ChristineHassler.com \\u2014 For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
\\xa0
'