EP 379: How to Change When You Are Scared of Change with Toni
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This episode is about making the changes we know we need to make. Today\\u2019s caller, Toni, has done personal development work but still feels stuck in her relationship. Christine explores the possibility that Toni knows the changes she needs to make but is letting the fear of change hold her back from taking action.
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[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode379]
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Remember not to judge progress by external shifts. While external shifts are important it takes time for things to shift. Often, the season we are in is the awareness or the processing. We need to work our way up to making a change. But, eventually, we do have to make the change. Because awareness isn\\u2019t enough.
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Integration and true transformation only happen when we change behavior. It doesn\\u2019t matter how much processing we do or how much information we have. The process of true transformation requires making big changes.
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In life, if we could just connect the dots and things would change, life would be easy. It doesn\\u2019t work that way, for things to change we often have to take bold action.
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Often, we know the changes we need to make but we don\\u2019t want to make them.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Are you in a situation you know needs to change but you just are terrified of making the change? Have you done all the work but still feel stuck?
- Do you relate to being a people pleaser and a caregiver and you feel great in the role of taking care of others but no one\\u2019s taking care of you?
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Toni\\u2019s Question:
Toni is feeling stuck in her relationship and is looking for guidance on how to make a change.
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Toni\\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She does personal development work but something isn\\u2019t shifting.
- Her five-year relationship is issue-based.
- Her partner may be emotionally unavailable.
- She feels her relationship may not go the distance.
- She had instability in her childhood.
- She wanted safety and security from her father but didn\\u2019t receive them.
- She cared for her father during his alcoholism until his passing.
- She is a caretaker in all of her relationships.
- Awareness has become her safety and security.
- The only way she has gotten love is by taking care of others.
- When she gets overwhelmed she shuts down.
- She is afraid to leave her relationship.
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How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Acknowledge and celebrate shifts she has experienced.
- Make some big, scary changes.
- Leave the relationship.
- Stop using fear to not make a change.
- Get support through a coach, therapist, accountability partner, or friend.
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Takeaways:
- Where are you stuck because you aren\\u2019t taking a step forward?
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Sponsor:
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Resources:
Christine Hassler \\u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com \\u2014 Males who want to be on the show
Jill@ChristineHassler.com \\u2014 For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.
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