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This episode is about being the parent you always wanted and wanted to be. Today\\u2019s caller, Carrie, wants to repair a strained relationship with her children. She feels shame about her past behaviors and wants guidance on how to build a connection with them and their children. There is a lot of vulnerability and courage in this honest conversation.

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It can be scary to be a generational pattern breaker and it takes a lot of courage to follow through but it can transform our relationships.

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[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode368]

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Many parents carry around a silent shame about some of the choices they made as parents. Parenting is hard. It doesn\\u2019t come with a manual. Creating a healthy environment for our children is challenging when we don\\u2019t have good parenting ourselves. We are still impacted by our trauma and our hurt; it can feel impossible not to pass it on.

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The hard part about trauma, or behavior we categorize as hurtful or bad, is that it is not due to anyone setting out to hurt another person. People who have unprocessed trauma and don\\u2019t know how to deal with it. People who are hurt and sad all the time haven\\u2019t gotten to their anger. People who are angry and explosive haven\\u2019t gotten to their hurt and sadness.

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What happens with parent-child relationships is the hurt parent wants a two-way street. Meaning, the hurt parent wants the child to make it okay for them as well, but that is not the child\\u2019s job. It is the parent\\u2019s job to make it okay for the child.

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Give your children the opportunity to hear the things they always wanted to hear.

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Register for my upcoming Women\\u2019s Retreat which will be held in Austin from October 7\\u20129, 2022. Go to ChristineHassler.com/signatureretreat to get more information about this gentle and nourishing life-changing opportunity. Whatever your issue or concern there is a place for you.

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Consider/Ask Yourself:

• Are you a parent that has guilt or shame about how you parented or how you treated your child or children?
• Do you know that you are passing on generational patterns and trauma? Have you told yourself you would never do it yet you find yourself doing it?
• Do you have a strained or strange relationship with one of your children that you want to remedy? You want to have a connection with them but you are not sure how.
• Do you trust yourself enough to parent yourself in a way that can help you parent your child better, and your adult children who still need parenting?

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Carrie\\u2019s Question:

Carrie was a parent who inflicted trauma on her children. She would like guidance on how to repair their relationship.

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Carrie\\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:

• She was a single mother.
• Her children were teenagers when she made regrettable decisions.
• She acted in ways that made her children feel unsafe.
• Inconsistent behaviors were common while she was raising her children.
• She is a full-time traveler.
• Her children don\\u2019t acknowledge her as family.
• Her children\\u2019s father isn\\u2019t accessible.
• She feels shame about repeating the actions of her parents.
• She fears triggering her daughter when around her grandchildren.
• Her daughter doesn\\u2019t reach out to her.
• She doesn\\u2019t want to hear what her daughter may say to her.
• She fears confronting her anger.

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How to Get Over It and On With It:

• Trust that it is time to remove her shame.
• Step into her mama bear and expect more from herself as a mother.
• Have a heart-to-heart conversation, apologize to her daughter, and listen and love her.
• Allow herself to feel her sadness.
• Do the Anger Release process.

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Resources:

Christine Hassler \\u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Christine on Facebook

Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler

@ChristinHassler on Twitter

@ChristineHassler on Instagram

@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram

Assist@ChristineHassler.com \\u2014 Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com \\u2014 For information on any of my services

Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.