EP 303: The Importance of Speaking Your Needs in All Aspects of Your Life with Shelly
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This episode is about speaking our needs in relationships. Today\\u2019s caller, Shelly, is great about articulating her needs in some aspects of her life but when it comes to matters of the heart, she suffocates herself. We discuss how clarifying questions can be self-honoring and relieve her anxiety.
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[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode303]
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Not knowing where we stand in a relationship is like pulling off the Band-Aid slowly. A slow painful rip off the heart. Whereas articulating our needs and having a clarifying conversation may be like ripping the Band-Aid off fast but it is better than the slow burn of hurt.
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Put yourself in a place of empowerment. When we give our power away and just wait for someone else to tell us where we stand. It produces anxiety. It is like sitting in the back seat of a car while someone else is driving. You don\\u2019t know where you are going. You can\\u2019t control the speed limit. You are just sitting there hoping it turns out okay. It feels terrible to experience so much anxiety. When we clarify our needs to someone, even if it doesn\\u2019t turn out the way we want it to, at least, we can start the healing process.
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Needs are not a weak thing to have. It is natural and normal for human beings to have needs. Our needs extend beyond things like survival. We need human connection and we need things in relationships. It is not needy to speak your needs. It doesn\\u2019t make you weak and it doesn\\u2019t make you codependent.
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We get fooled into believing that someone not rejecting us, or someone not judging us is better than not making self-honoring choices for ourselves.
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Consider/Ask Yourself
- Are you silencing yourself in relationships?
- Are you getting your needs met?
- Do you even know what your needs are?
- Are you afraid to articulate your needs for fear of judgment, loss, or rejection?
- Are you good at speaking up in some aspects of your life, but not so great at speaking up in others?
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Shelly\\u2019s Question:
Shelly has been dating online and would like guidance on how to handle ghosting and being disrespected.
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Shelly\\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She has cerebral palsy and uses a walker.
- Her past dating experiences include being ghosted.
- She feels abandoned and doesn\\u2019t get closure in relationships.
- She wants to be an advocate for others with disabilities who are dating.
- She gets anxious when someone doesn\\u2019t respond to messages.
- She is able to articulate her needs except for when it comes to relationships.
- She would rather have the truth than uncertainty.
- She overthinks situations.
- She gets nervous about meeting people for the first time.
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How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Have a clarifying conversation with her current boyfriend to fully articulate her needs.
- Write a letter to the guy from college she doesn\\u2019t intend to send.
- Go out do something she loves and meet someone who sees her and her walker.
- Lean into her gift of speaking her needs and stand in her power.
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Takeaways:
- Make a list of all the relationships in your life. Look at where certain needs aren\\u2019t being met and make yourself accountable for having a clarifying conversation.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler \\u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
@SacredUnionCouples on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com \\u2014 Males who want to be on the show
Jill@ChristineHassler.com \\u2014 For information on any of my services
Get on the Waitlist to be coached on the show.
Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.