EP 263: Breaking Unhealthy Patterns in Relationships with Julie
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This call is about effectively communicating your needs to break unhealthy patterns in relationships. Today\\u2019s caller, Julie, is aware of the unhealthy patterns in her relationships but is uncertain why the patterns aren\\u2019t shifting. The amazing thing about relationships, romantic or friendship, is that they can provide healing ground for inner child wounding if we feel safe enough to do it.
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[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode263]
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We all have masculine and feminine energy within us, no matter how we identify. Often, the way we present in life is not our core essence. Masculine energy likes to feel respected. It\\u2019s on the top of the priority list for men. And, for the female-identifying people that doesn\\u2019t mean that you don\\u2019t want to be respected but for the feminine essence it is a lot more about feeling safe and respect is part of that. It is about feeling safe physically, feeling safe emotionally, and feeling safe sexually.
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Masculine and feminine energy is something Stefanos and I teach a lot. It\\u2019s another avenue of personal development we can learn about and in relationships, especially intimate relationships, it\\u2019s really important to have polarity, otherwise, you either kind of go into roommate mode or you have a lot of arguments.
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When healing a romantic relationship there are two key aspects. The inner child piece and the polarity piece. It is hard to get the polarity piece in place when the inner child piece isn\\u2019t in place. So how the inner child piece helps with the polarity piece is as children we are more in touch with our core essence, either feminine or masculine, and it\\u2019s because of inner child wounding that those masks get put on. The more we give ourselves what we need inside ourselves the more we give the little one inside of us what we didn\\u2019t get as children.
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Remember inner child work in a relationship is meeting our needs, parenting ourselves in the way that we didn\\u2019t get, and then communicating our needs in a non-attacking, non-passive-aggressive, non-manipulative way to our partners.
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It\\u2019s a lot to be human, be a parent, and be in a relationship, but when we understand our inner child, understand how to parent, and understand polarity it becomes a little less overwhelming and a little easier.
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Level 2 of the Virtual Inner Child Workshop will be held on Sept. 25-27. Go to ChristineHassler.com/Level2 to sign up or visit ChristineHassler.com/innerchildbundle to purchase both Level 1 and Level 2. Recordings of both workshops will be available until October 26, 2020.
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Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Do you have patterns that keep showing up in your life, or your relationships, and no matter what you do you just can\\u2019t seem to shake them?
- Were you raised in a home where you had to parent your parents and you had to be both the mother and the father?
- Do you tend to parent your children in a way that is opposite to how you were parented but when it comes to your own relationship with your inner child you\\u2019re still parenting yourself the way you were parented?
- Do you relate to feeling like things are going well but you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop so you can\\u2019t really enjoy the good happening in your life?
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Julie\\u2019s Question:
Julie has grown a lot with personal development work but she can\\u2019t seem to shake the patterns of waiting for something to go wrong.
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Julie\\u2019s Key Insights and Ahas:
- She separated herself from an abusive marriage.
- She looks for things to go wrong.
- Her mother is bi-polar.
- She is currently in a romantic relationship.
- Her partner speaks another language.
- She didn\\u2019t have a close relationship with her father.
- She adopted a protective strategy.
- She is in Personal Mastery.
- Her mother criticized her.
- She fears being disappointed and hurt.
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How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Use her relationship as a healing container.
- Work with her inner child, little Julie.
- Give love and encouragement in place of self-judgment.
- Step into her feminine.
- Talk with her partner about getting her needs met.
- Be gentle with herself.
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Takeaways:
- Ask yourself, \\u2018what did I need most in childhood that I didn\\u2019t get?\\u2019 and give it to yourself. Make it a priority to give yourself whatever it is.
- If you want to learn more about the masculine-feminine dynamic, I like the book, Intimate Communion by David Deida. If you want to try it on Audible you can go to Audibletrial.com/overitandonwithit to get a discount.
- If you\\u2019re in a relationship, think of how you can meet the needs of your inner child and then communicate those needs to your partner in a non-passive-aggressive, non-attacking, or non-manipulative way.
- Do the inner child work. Join us for the Inner Child Workshop, Level 1, and Level 2.
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Resources:
Christine Hassler \\u2014 Join the Free Over It and On With It Community
Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com
Jill@ChristineHassler.com \\u2014 For information on any of my services.
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