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This episode is about breaking the cycle of generational patterns. Today\\u2019s caller, Cathy, experienced corporal punishment as a child, and finds herself doing the same thing to her daughter. As you listen to the call, I hope you are able to separate her character from her behavior. Her behavior is a reaction to her past. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode83] I\\u2019ve said many times, parenting does not come with an instruction manual. Often, we play out behaviors we learned from our parents. It requires a conscious awareness to know what behaviors we want to leave in the past, and which we pass on to our children. We need to have deep compassion for our parents and then forgive them, to stop repeating generational patterns. Stopping the cycle entails awareness, healing of our past hurts, and then the reparenting of ourselves to become the loving parent we never had. Abuse continues because the victim never heals. The victim either becomes the abuser or internalizes the abuse. Often, people do not share about past abuse, because there is so much shame. This is not just true for abuse, it is for any generational pattern. Coaches Tip \\u2014 When clients share things that are hard to hear, don\'t go into judgment or sympathy. If you catch yourself doing so, say, "I forgive myself for judging or feeling sorry for this person," then shift back into compassion. Aubrey Marcus and I are facilitating a 3-day retreat in Austin, Texas over Memorial Day weekend. If you don\\u2019t know Aubrey, he is the CEO & Founder of the human optimization company, ONNIT. The focus of the retreat will be about Mastering Love, for men and women.\\xa0 Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com about joining my Inner Circle membership community. \\xa0 Keep These Distinctions in Mind: \\u25cf Acceptance versus judgment. \\u25cf Compassion versus sympathy. \\xa0 Cathy\'s Question: Cathy wants to understand how she may have adversely affected her daughter\'s self-esteem. \\xa0 Cathy\'s Key Insights and Ahas: \\u25cf She feels she made mistakes with her first daughter. \\u25cf She finds herself going back to the parenting tactics of her parents. \\u25cf She didn\'t like being a girl growing up. \\u25cf Her daughter is mirroring her. \\u25cf She has unresolved issues from her childhood. \\u25cf Her mother didn\'t defend her. \\xa0 How to Get Over It and On With It: \\u25cf She should talk to her younger self through a photo, and tell herself she did not deserve the punishment she received. \\u25cf She should work with a counselor or a coach who has experience with childhood traumas. \\u25cf Research parenting and discipline tools. \\u25cf When she gets triggered, she should practice giving herself a time out. \\xa0 Assignments: \\u25cf Get a picture of little you and commit to sending love to the little boy or girl inside of you. \\u25cf If you are aware of your need for healing, get professional to walk you through it. \\u25cf If you find yourself triggered by something, give yourself a time out. \\u25cf Use the scientist technique of Expectation Hangover and become an observer in your life. \\u25cf Consider what patterns you want to pass along to your children, and which ones you want to break the cycle of. \\u25cf Read Family Secrets by John Bradshaw and Conscious Parenting by Shefali Tsabary.