Living the Questions: What does civility actually mean, and is it enough?
b'A question from Kevin: \\u201cI have been hearing a lot of deconstruction of the word \\u2018civility.\\u2019 The debate around this word has become, like so many other things, binary. \\u2018Civility\\u2019 is either a tool of oppressors to silence those on the margins, or it is something that is necessary for every single conversation and dialogue. I\\u2019d love to hear something about this word \\u2014 what it actually means, in what contexts can it be helpful, in what contexts can it be used as a tool to silence anger.\\u201d\\nTakeaways from the podcast:\\n\\nWhat is the inner work of civility that goes deeper than the surface of our encounters with each other?\\nWhat is the goal of civility?\\n\\u201cMy concern for a while has been that the word is too meek; that it\\u2019s about being nice and tame and safe, and I don\\u2019t think stepping into any of the dark places and the fraught places right now can be nice or tame or safe. I always reach for other words to attach, like \\u2018muscular\\u2019\\u2014it has to be muscular, it has to be robust\\u2014this language we use in the Grounding Virtues, \\u2018adventurous civility.\\u2019 It needs to be an adventure.\\u201d\\n\\u201cTo use civility to silence anger is using a simplistic, binary understanding of civility as a kind of passive-aggressive weapon. And that\\u2019s not what I mean when I use the word.\\u201d\\n\\u201cCivility is internal work that each of us needs to do.\\u201d\\n\\u201cA question we fail to ask, so much, in American life is not just, what do I want to happen here; what do I have to say; what do I care about; what is at stake? But, what is the most effective way that my words can be heard? What is the most emotionally intelligent way, which is also going to be a productive way, that I can embody and represent and give voice to what I care deeply about?\\u201d\\n\\u201cCreating spaces and experiences of robust, adventurous civility is actually very strategically effective because what you\\u2019re doing is you\\u2019re creating a space in which it is reasonable to ask people, smart people, complicated people who\\u2019ve been through complicated things, to let themselves get uncomfortable in the presence of a stranger.\\u201d\\n\\u201cI am passionate about what I am passionate about. I\\u2019m scared about what I\\u2019m scared about, or I\\u2019m angry about what I\\u2019m angry about. And I know there are things I don\\u2019t understand, and I don\\u2019t want to stay this way forever, and I don\\u2019t want us to stay stuck here forever. So, I want to change and grow, and I invite you to be with me in that spirit too, and let\\u2019s see what happens.\\u201d\\n\\nAbout the Living the Questions series, from Krista Tippett:\\n\\u201cI think of a good conversation as an adventure. You create a generous and trustworthy space for it, and prepare hospitably for it, so the other person will feel so welcome and understood that they will put words around something they have never put words around quite that way before. They will give voice to something they didn\\u2019t know they knew \\u2014 and you will be a witness to thinking, revelation, in real time. This is one reason that radio/podcasting is such a magical medium: Everyone who listens joins that room, becomes a witness, the moment they push \\u2018play.\\u2019 They are also there for the revelation. It\\u2019s a form of time travel. And if the conversation is edifying (one of my favorite, underused words), we all sync up in some mysterious way across time and space and grow a little together.\\nIn recent years, I\\u2019ve discovered that I really like being on the other side of a conversation too. Maybe because I\\u2019ve experienced that thrill of revelation so many times, I approach someone asking questions of me with great anticipation of what they will draw out of me that I can\\u2019t draw out of myself. So, last summer on social media, my colleagues and I asked for questions you\\u2019d want to throw at me. We received, and continue to receive, such a bounty.\\u201d\\nFind more at onbeing.org/series/living-the-questions/.'