The Most Disempowering Thing You Can Ever Do
We’re social creatures, and we have an innate need to connect with others. But did you ever notice that one of the ways many people connect with others is through complaining? Girlfriends like to get together and gripe about their husbands. Golf buddies complain about work and business. The elderly complain about aches and pains. Parents complain about their difficult children.
Social complaining is an easy trap to fall into.
It’s a trap because falling into complaining focuses the mind on...you guessed it. The negative. And you know what happens when you focus on something. You get more of it!
Complaining is really just self-sabotage.
The act of complaining is detrimental in many ways. It focuses the mind on the negative, reinforcing those negative neural networks. Focusing on problems just strengthens our negativity bias, which stems from the most primitive part of our brain, activating the fight-flight response and all the bodily responses that come with that -- increased blood pressure, increased blood sugar, increased cortisol levels…
Research is also finding that complaining can affect the hippocampus, which is no laughing matter, as two of its functions are problem solving and thinking critically.
Rather than focusing on our problems, we need to focus on solutions.
- Start by recognizing that if there are things in your life that you don’t like, it’s because of your focus. You create your environment based on your focus.
- Be picky about who you hang out with. Limit your time with those engaging in disempowering, unresourceful behavior and talk. Seek supportive, uplifting company.
- Stop complaining and focus on the positive things in your life. Look at life through the lens of abundance.
- Engage in solution-based thinking.
- Take action in the direction of what you want to achieve.
Life happens, and no one is perfect. Even I catch myself complaining every now and then. The key is to catch yourself, to recognize what’s happening, and course correct as soon as possible. Complaining is a sign that you’re at effect and that you need to refocus to get at cause.
It’s simple, but it’s not easy. And you’re worth it.
Thanks for listening!
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Links from today’s episode:
- Episode 2 -- We learned about internal representations
- Episode 3 -- We learned about perception is projection
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