The Bad Habit Keeping You from Feel-Good Relationships
Science tells us that we’re exposed to somewhere between 2 and 11 million bits of information per second, but we can only consciously process 50 to 60 of those bits. To simplify things, the unconscious mind creates shortcuts to size up information and reach conclusions efficiently.
That strategy works great for lots of things.
When you arrive at a traffic light, you don’t have to think about what the red light means, and you don’t feel confused about what to do when it turns green. Thanks to symbols and mental shortcuts, you can sail through many daily situations — no problem. Those mental shortcuts can serve us well — most of the time.
When it comes to relationships, though, those mental shortcuts can be a problem. It’s easy for us to jump to conclusions based on our perceptions. We come to conclusions based on what we think we perceive in others’ body language, behaviors, and tone. Then we act on those often erroneous conclusions, causing us to pull back, assume things we shouldn’t, make bad decisions, or even alienate others.
As much as we may like to think otherwise, we’re not mind readers. Not only that, everything that we do perceive is first filtered and then always distorted by our own experiences, beliefs, values, and perspectives.
Here's how we can make those filters less likely to limit us:
- Recognize that you have biases, that you can never know the whole story. There’s nothing personal about this. It’s simply a reality based on how the mind works.
- Become more self-aware by recognizing your own beliefs, values, and biases. And, become aware of how you could do better.
- Ask more questions. Instead of assuming, get curious. Ask for clarification. Ask for more details. Ask why.
This process will benefit all of your relationships — whether personal or for business. It will increase understanding and broaden your perspective, paving the way for better connections.
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