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Have you ever wanted to make a “selfish” decision but then considered the guilt that would likely follow, and so you made a different choice instead?  

Most of us grew up being instilled with the mantra of “put others first.” “Don’t be selfish.” “Think of others before yourself.” 

Sounds nice and noble, right? But the “me last” formula is a recipe for keeping you stuck, run ragged, and being an enabler of the weaknesses of others. You -- and everyone around you -- will be better off when you put yourself first.

Yeah, I know this is going to rub a lot of you the wrong way. You don’t have to believe me. But I dare you to give this a try.

The next time you have a decision to make, do an ecology check. It’s an NLP concept that’s based on a sort of trickle-down effect. First you, then those close to you and/or the situation, and finally the broader community. The idea is to make choices that are good for you, good for others, and good for the world. But it all starts with you. 

Here’s how the ecology check works. The next time you have a decision to make, ask yourself:

1. “Is this good for me?” If the answer is no, stop there. Your decision should be no. If the answer is yes, go on to question two.
2. “Is this good for the people directly involved and for the people closest to me?” This could involve your clients if it’s a business decision, your immediate family, etc. If the answer is no, your decision should be no. If the answer is yes, go on to question three.
3. “Is this good for the greater community?” If yes, full steam ahead! It’s a win-win-win.

Caution: Be careful about assuming a decision will be “bad” for someone just because they may not like it at first. Look at the long-term big picture. Your kids might not like having to pack their own lunch, but it might be what’s best for them in the long run. 

Your happiness matters. What’s good for you will, in the long run, be what’s best for those closest to you and for your broader community.   

Thanks for listening!

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• Episode 2 -- We learned about internal representations
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