BROADCASTS.com

Blue button up, white under shirt. Of course she’s a librarian. What’s a boy to do? Sit. Write. Think more than I need to. I’m always thinking too much. She’s boyish. I like boys? Wait. I’m not gay. But I guess I am a lesbian. Ha! Here’s one, who the fuck cares. I look for the lights that dance around the skin, glowing off souls. I see baby blue. I see three buttons undone. I see curly brown. I see a strange reflection. I see a memory. Familiarity. I see hands that have touched me. I hear a voice that has held the weight of my own when I hadn’t a word left in the whole world. I want her eyes. I’m not wearing my glasses; I can’t see anything but colors. I see red running down porcelain thighs. I hear too many worthless apologies. No, you’re not sorry. You are welcome to stain my sheets my love. I see purple, dark straps keep my boots tight against slippery plastic. Pedal pedal pedal, splash! I hit every puddle. What are you sorry for? For fuck sake! If any one should be tripping over dumb apologies, it’s me; I’m the reason you’ve soaked through your own jeans. Sweet girl, you smell heaven scent. You smell like life itself. Don’t close your thighs tighter. No man would be breathing on the planet if your thighs hadn’t paved the way for their lungs to come into their first breath. The white trees in bloom by the water fountain in Balboa Park smell of you. I run past them everyday. Joseph smiles and waves, I’ve woken him again. He says I run too early. Says he thought I was a boy with gorgeous tits when he first met me. Says he didn’t think twice about the notion. How is it that one can be neither gay nor straight and want to fuck a girl and a boy at the same time? I tell him I am both. I tell him about a girl I want. 

‘The library, I can’t bring myself to speak.’

‘I should think it could be quite simple. Ask for a book?’

‘Hey. Got anything else by Yelena Moskovich. I think I’m in love with you. Her! Her? Natasha is brilliant. Do you have a name? Ha! Of course you have a name. I’m Sage. I think a moment ago, when I started walking toward you, I lost the ability to think straight. Its comforting in the most terrifying way.’

‘You aren’t shy are you?’

‘No. It’s just I’ve always been stuck in my head in terms of letting myself speak freely. It’s like baby steps you see. I’m a wild tongue and a haughty disposition by nature. I’m just a bit wobbly. Just starting out, you’ll see.’

‘I think you’re beautiful.’

‘I have gone by that name. In Israel, Anna insisted.’

‘Your silly.’

I can’t stop giggling. ‘Hi. I’m Sage.’

            ‘You mentioned. You can quit the act girl. I know your dimples are the greatest weapon in this game you play. It’s a brilliant strategy. But I’m the boy. And I want to know every part of you. Walk me through every name. Change faces in your reflection for me. Show me who you were and who you’ll be. Then let me show you who you are. Press your noes to the glass. Whose eyes are those? Whose voice are you speaking to? Find her. I want to know why she hides behind dimples in attempt to please. The lure of her is a magnificent storm that follows him into every room you enter. This whole entire building radiated of you before you even broke into the smallest grin. Serious little baby girl, you are allowed to feel. The tough guy, the child weeping, the brat in the corner that wont say a word for weeks. True love will grow weak for all the ways you must be. I would tell you my name, sweet Sage, but you haven’t asked for it yet. Not properly anyhow.’

            ‘Hi, I’m Sage. But you can call me any name you please. Go fuck yourself if you’re looking for the proper version of me. None such exists. Yeah I’m fucking pissed, there’s a fence in the ocean. A fucking fence! Hey. I think you’re cute and I think we should shoot hoops sometime.’

            ‘Ha! In your dreams; tell me story.’ 

‘Fine. Give me a name. I’ll name you and I’ll be any name you please.’