BROADCASTS.com

Once upon a time this City drove me crazy. I was such a little brat screaming ‘Fuck these people! Fuck these cars! Fuck the stars on cloudy nights. I hate when the moon can’t see me. Fuck the love that’s nowhere in sight! I hate your stupid guts. I love you I love you I love you. I hate how money makes the bodies inside of you tick. I hate your stupid scooters, zipping past humans with no home. I hate your fence in the middle of my ocean. Those waters belong to me! How dare you take ownership of freedom! How dare you put a price on the tides of the sea! She will repay you mercilessly. Do you even have a clue? What are you separating yourself from exactly? Yourself from the pain you are meant to see? Your precious wealth from the danger that lurks below the power of the poverty stricken streets of celebrated death; what are you so afraid of, history’s nature of repetition. Good! You should be. You’re a brute! Fuck you! Fuck you all!’ I yelled until my throat was sore. I pissed myself off with my own temper tantrums. I was outrageously selfish back then. Still am. But now I see. Silly little boy I was. If only I knew all I had to do was look up and down every tree, watch for the hawks, when they come out to play is key. Feel the flight of an eagle in my own ability to speak. Hey. Look. Listen. Shhh. Baby girl, it’s only just beginning. Jump into the canyon and sing with all your might. You are magic. You are the sand between my toes. You are made of the stars, whether you can see them or not.

            She stops crying and asks me to tell her a story. ‘The one you never finished. The one about the kids in the woods.’

            ‘Once upon a time there was Bella Sage and Daisy Jade. A little boy and a little girl start running in the black forest. They find love, in tenderness and pain, on the palest parts of each other’s wrists, the pink rush of blood in their own cheeks. Daisy trips, such a clumsy bunch of left feet she is, and falls into a well as deep as the earth herself. Sage screams bloody murder “Murder! I’m not blind! I saw you kill her spirit with my own fucking eyes. You murdered her! I’ll make you pay! I’ll save the day.” he weeps, “I’ll save you. I promise. I’m stronger than I look.” He flips upside down and does a handstand for fourteen minutes. He ties himself to the biggest tree he can find and throws himself down into the dark abyss. He’s slow as fuck, it takes him forever and the whole day he was supposed to save. By the time he reaches her tiny frame she has already drowned. He picks up her bloated body anyway. He carries her to the surface. “She’s too young!” he begs no one but the trees. She is 33 this year. He is a she as she has always been. She is I. I stopped counting at 28 and that was two years ago come this fall. She whispers in my ear from two light years away, “be gentle sweet girl, that’s my love that you’re holding. We will build. We will create everything we see. We will find each other again. Until then, I have chosen to remain by your side. Show some gratitude, would you! Dead or alive, makes no difference; don’t chase death just to see me again. Chase life, and feel me running behind you. You’re so fucking slow anyway. You have nothing to worry about. Look, I’ve caught you already; tag! You’re it!" She screams. I bury her body and start speaking to the dead shamelessly. I see the future. I write. I look to the sky in all my peaceful meekness and glory and vow to fight for the sake of her life. For the sake of remaining alive, for the thrill of this chase, the preservation of the precious race of every child left alive in this shit show. Hey fuckers, gather all your wealth and beautiful treachery and murderous tendencies. Show me. I’ll stand before you and speak. I’ll say what is true of your nature and I will fear nothing. You are not made of iron. You are young and you are afraid of everything and you are ashamed of the way you move. And you should be! Fuck your shame. Stop wasting time. Move another way instead. Move toward my lips and beg. The time of love is upon us. I know. I’m it! She says. I am.’