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I have a book, I set it aside just for you. Every time that I pick up this pen, it’s once upon a time, all over again. Its as if you never left. It’s like we’ve never met before. But there you sit, in-between the lines, with that childish grin. Innocence spread wide from cheek to cheek. Almost as if no one on this vicious earth ever had the chance to lay their filthy paws on you. You laugh like you’ve never known pain. It’s pouring rain. You’re playing basketball with a puppy named Jade. The sun is peaking. She finds your aching heart begging. She has mercy on your skin. She has fallen in love with your existence. Aren’t you the lucky one? No matter where I sleep, peace finds her way to me. If I must, I stand in one spot while awake, day after day after fucking agonizing day. I walk in place in front of a glass pane. I wait patiently for my energy to return to my body. I had been giving it away unconditionally. Nothing came back my way. Every moment was felt, the sacrifice was worth every bit I gave. Willingly, I sat still and gifted our memories to you. I don’t wait anymore. I sit on my feet beg for mercy on the soulless pounds of flesh and blood stuck in front of a screen. They surround me. I curl in a ball and scream. They are disturbed, but unresponsive. I am not afraid of their deathlike gaze. For I know that I have only just begun the hunt for my kind. I know the eyes that I seek crave only the senses of their spiritual form. Here on earth, it is my naked body that demands their attention, only my flesh. They trace my bones. They’ve never seen a screen before and they never plan to. They lie beside me, breathing heavy, feeling time. They do not desire to identify their physical being. They exist because I see them. One at a time, my attention is complete devotion, borderline obsession, I only see you. There is nothing else.  There is nothing to be known. My kind will protect me. Jade’s a bratty bundle of love, but she’s got a violent side. All sides surround me, living and dead, they protect my love mercilessly. They cherish my desire to please. They see me dancing and weep. Joy overwhelms their bodies as it does mine. I no longer beg. They see everything that I am at first glance. As for you, Little P, I will keep this book close to me. When I need to speak to the other half of my soul, I will bleed, shamelessly over a white tree. My bratty tears will smudge and stain and run every word together. Until there is only love, spilling truth, babbling nonsense. I love you. My divine masculine, you’ve forgotten who I am, but I will never let your memory go. Goodbye my beloved, may you find the strength to stand in your power again. You will know peace of body, mind, and soul. I demand it. The snow moon will cover the dark wet cement with the promise of a pure love, a new beginning. A fresh start will slip down the back of your throat. It will taste of my thighs spread open, for you. I will obey temptation. For you, I will walk away. For you will heal. I have written this. For the love that lives inside of you is divinely guided to my presence. I bow before the woman that I adore. You will have it no other way. The snow melts. Spring digs into the roots of my flesh and plants momentum. A forceful push from Mother Nature, and again I am in motion. This scene requires no mode of transportation. You demand that I be on all fours. “I’m not your dog anymore.” You giggle. “I’ve been forgiven. Remember? You must be gentle now. I will explain everything. I will give you the truth. I will take care of you. I will listen to my guts as they beg for your ass in the air. I will imagine. I will scream! I will leave the shame to rot in this city. It will take the place of my presence in the name that was chosen for me. I will rename myself, feel the fear dissipate as I disassociate! I owe nothing! I will choke on the truth forced down my throat without my permission. I will puke up the number assigned to my body. The acid will burn through the screen. I will break the fucking phone into a million pieces. I will stick out my tongue at every human that says I cannot have you. I will spit in faces of the liars I’ve let surround me. I will imagine. I reply the scene, over and over. When my knees grow weak, I will fall to the earth and cry like a baby until I feel you standing over me again. You are my bitch, Juniper Sage. You belong on your hands and knees. You belong to me.” I strip and kneel. “Once upon a time there was a girl with a secret book in a death grip. She laid her head on the words she wrote in dead silence, in shame of speaking them aloud, afraid of everything. She cried out my name in her sleep. But I was nameless at the time and she’d forgotten what she had named me. The little girl had a story. It was too long to sum up in the time you spared. You had forgotten to learn her. You never asked. You never questioned your own intentions. You were star struck. She reflected your love. She rejected your hate. But it was a part of you too. She had no patience. She was a brat in this way. She promised to wait. And still she sits, to this day, waiting on nothing. Feeling the mud seep between her toes, dreaming of the ocean, nothing came. Your dreams of her touch, tenderly biting her wrist, never breaking skin, only tempting. Her moans were worthy of worshiping. You closed your eyes as tight as you could and made a wish. You prayed to the God inside of your guts, and she said that you were wasting precious time. The girl was yours, your divine feminine. The goddess that your dreamt of possessing, as you drooled over the thighs of every other girl. Baby, said your intuition, you’ve got to regain your power! This woman is standing at your shore with your story in her hands and your ship is sinking. Get your shit together babygirl! No one can save your love but you. Trace your steps, where did you go wrong? Who convinced you otherwise? Where is your heart? Where is your love? Why aren’t they in the same place? Whom do you belong to? Don’t deny yourself your truth because the pain of letting go is overwhelming. Don’t be ashamed of what has already been forgiven. Don’t be so fucking scared all of the time. Those fucks have no authority over you! Pick yourself of off the floor and build another way to reach me. It’s time to heal my love. Denying me is inevitable defeat. Don’t be silly, baby. Just bow already. Claim the throne! 

I am your Queen.”