160: The Caged Human, Being Staged

Published: Jan. 25, 2021, 3:12 a.m.

Here, there is a bird in a cage and a fish in a bowl. One’s stuck in front of a plastic mirror and the other has her nose to the glass. They ask how I got here. I don’t have an explanation. I don’t know what it is that I am exactly, but I’m certain that I am not one of them. I walk amongst dead things. I stay close to the trees. I beg the sun to return love to this place. But she is only willing to set it upon my skin. I beg her forgiveness for the sins of my lovers and run away. I can’t bear to watch the ones that I love most suffer at their own sadistic hands. I would’ve let her move over every inch of me, if she hadn’t forgotten who I am. I give everything, every time that I let love in. It’s been a long time. I don’t trust these bodies. All these people try to please me. They want my eyes. They show me their things. “Look at it! It belongs to me! Isn’t it gorgeous!” Isn’t it everything you ever wanted, this freedom that I possess? Wouldn’t you rather run away with me? Fuck your material world, baby! It is nothing to me. I sing. This coast pulls a different tone from the back of my throat. Aint like I haven’t known it before. I am everything: I have been every one. They sit in front of the screen and watch me fold butterflies in defiance. “Thanks anyway sugar butt, I’d rather walk. Call me when your eyes burn and your heart aches.” I slam the door in her face and start dribbling, there’s a hoop in the back yard. I clip a speaker to a branch and start dancing. I sing at the top of my lungs. She pulls into my driveway by accident. She picks up the phone and calls. “Hey. Wanna play chess? You’re more of a checkers girl, I know. But truth is, I don’t care for distractions. I want to outsmart these fuckers. I want to win! I want my body and soul to have the freedom to tread this earth with intent. Leave me alone! I’m working.” I sigh. I shoot a three and miss, the ball rolls her way, I fold forward and pray. Close your eyes, baby. Its time for wish fulfillment, its time to steal your life back from the screen’s possession, its time to take ownership; your wish is my command.” She gets out of the car. She picks up the ball and steps to me. She shoves it in my gut. I inhale without my permission. I lash out. “Our language and currency are being directed maliciously. We are being united without consent. Seemingly, it is mutual: the perfect union. But the intent is domination. The outcome is control, sedation; every body moving obediently in it’s assigned role. This stage was set a long time ago. Checkers aint gonna cut it. The story was written before you were born. If you had the courage to remember, you could’ve lived the one you had written. But you’re scared shitless. You’ve given these fears a million names. Now it takes form of sickness. Tomorrow it will be war. There are no sides to take babygirl. There never were. I was never out to get you. I was love. And you were chosen. I was given to you. Fear gave way to a monstrous response: the lack of control. You cannot control the forces of nature. You cannot plan to dominate; the outcome of another soul’s destiny is not yours to play with. Love is patient. Love only waits. Love only breathes.” I let the ball fall; it bounces to the end of the driveway and starts rolling down the hill. We watch it leave, neither one of us makes a move. “I can’t stand the indifference!” I grab her frozen fingers and pull her inside. I start a fire. I’m sitting on my feet. There’s a puppy licking my toes. I’m writing the story as it happens. I am recording in real time as my love demands it to be. She sighs. I pay her no mind. I continue my thought. It leads to another. The stream forms the portal; from one moment to the next, they all remain the same. No time can ever pass through me. I consume all of it. Once I breathe it in, it becomes a part of my body. The breath release is chosen, the energy I refuse to carry. She is fuming. She cannot admit defeat. But I am an excellent chess player and she’s been in a state of manipulation for a long time. I am teaching her to let time do the healing. “I am strengthening with consistence. Repetition is your greatest companion in the fight against complacency. Let intuition change your mind constantly. Let desire move you in any direction she pleases. Let the sun shower you in love. Let the moon take control of the animal of you. Dance shamelessly; it’s a striptease of the soul. Here, I’d rather show you. Nothing teaches but self-demonstration.” I put the puppy to bed. I call her Jade. I tell my love to relax. I am not the fighting type. Rage falls short when it stands to me. “My wisdom is beyond your desire to persuade. You might as well close your mouth when you speak. I communicate with movement only. Your language means nothing to me. I find value in nothing but a soul’s genuine desire for my company. Fuck your screen! Fuck your currency! I prefer to sing. I’d rather read.” I put down the script and stare into empty space. I see a man dancing half-naked for his Queen. I see her through the space between us. I wrap my arms around her with a single story. I whisper “Not so fast baby. You had better say goodnight, before you take my voice from me. ”