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‘Wanna know a secret?’ There are two little birds perched on the red roof. They are singing of all the things we can’t see. She’s doing the dishes on the second floor. I’m not sure I know her name yet, but I know I’ve seen her before. Daisy Jade is scared and I can’t reach her, not this time. So I cry myself to sleep to Bon Iver. Please, don’t live in fear! ‘You don’t have to be afraid. There’s nothing left to fear, that’s my secret. That is what you hear when you listen to the birds sing. I figured out how to get to the moon Baby P, want to dance on her body with me?’

‘My dearest Juniper Sage, I’m going to call you P, is it okay if I call you P? Well, fuck it, I’m going to anyway. I don’t think the name assigned to your home is fitting for the throne you are destined to sit upon.’ I look at my own butt. ‘Yes. That’s the one Junebug, that’s the ass that takes every child left alive in this shit show to kingdom come. I have secrets too. Here, I’ll tell you one, repay the favor. You saved my soul. I am forever yours to have and to hold, to own. No, that’s not my secret. That’s just an afterthought. Here’s the real kicker. The kingdom that you silly kids are waiting for, its right here, planted in the trees of this earth. You’re valuing the wrong things, so you’ve become worthless flesh, manipulated by filth, greed. Currency is not what they claim it to be, that shit is nothing more than metal and dust. Don’t you ever wonder why it all feels of these things? Do you ever wonder why every single thing they make you buy feels exactly like nothing at all? Well, I do. Keep a special eye on the ones who create. The creators are telling you how to move. Don’t listen! Speak instead. You will create or you will be created. There is no other way Baby. You must make what you see. I don’t give a fuck how you make it kid, just move! Just be! Chill wild child; just breathe. The only currency of any value is this single breath. Listen.’

She rolls over onto her side and curls up in a ball, does nothing but listen to me breathe for hours. Then she begins to weep. ‘I want to save her!’ she screams bloody murder. I let her feel every ounce of pain. I let her miss her love. I let her make wishes on balls of fire and cuss out the moon. I let her hate everything. I let her fall in love again. I watch her wait. I will never leave her side. ‘Get up Baby. I refuse to begin this day without you. Start over with me. I promise, this time I wont let go.’

‘Shhh Juni, let me play. I’m looking for the river. I will not recognize you again until I find her. You cannot force me to swim! You cannot force my reflection on me! I wont look at your stupid face. Not yet. Not until I learn to swim. What will you do today?’ I pick her up and throw her boney baby body into the deepest part of the ocean. 

‘Sage! Are you insane? We’ll get arrested. Deep blue has been twisted against our vision, we fear things that cannot possible exist without our permission.’ I call her a Baby, a scared-y Kat, a bitch, a brat; a golden skinned goddess: a word fairy. I tell her to reach for her nuts and man up! I completely ignore her idiotic fear. ‘Today I will run to your grave. Today I will drink eight cups of tea before midday; I’m working on balance I think, certainly not moderation. Today I will taste a little bit of every language. Today I will sing in Spanish and read in French and write in German. Today I will have the smallest British accent; a faint sound will get stuck in my throat. I will choke on purpose. Today I will stick out my tongue at everyone for no reason at all. I will beat my boys at chess! I will crawl to the feet of the girl who holds my heart in the palms of her hands. “Give it back!” I will scream. But I won’t mean it so she won’t do it. Today I will wait, for each breath to find me. Today I will stand face to face with the love of my goddamn life and say absolutely nothing. Stupefied. Silly. Today I will giggle. Today I will watch the world go up in flames. Today I will rebuild everything from the heart-shaped origami left behind. I will throw your ashes over sunset cliffs. I will not say goodbye. Today I will say “hi” for the very first time instead. Today I will dance the entire night through with you by my side, swinging my hips with your thighs, parting my lips for your words. Making a hundred thousand origami butterflies for the day you say “I do. I do Juniper Sage. I, Daisy Jade, remember everything I have ever done. All I must do. Yes, I will pick up the fucking phone. Yes, I will speak again. Yes, I will dance on the moon with you. Yes, I will take your hand. No! I wont let go! Yes! I will ditch the fear and shame and come all the way up to your stupid boyish grin with a very serious gaze, and you know what I’ll say?”

“You’ll say, fuck you, who needs a hundred thousand paper butterflies for two simple words?” 

Then I’ll say

“I do.”’