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I married P on the ground floor of the parking structure at fashion valley transit center. The mall is so fucking beautiful nowadays, completely desolate. Green is springing from the cracks in the pavement that no one dares to crush. No one is left, everyone ran and hid; everyone got sick of buying shit as a means of feeling alive. With no one left buying shit, all the money ceased to exist, and poof! Just like magic, we freed our achy bodies and started to scream bloody murder in the streets. Murder! Don’t tell me how to hold my hands out sir! I don’t want your currency. Get down on your knees and worship the ground beneath my feet. You’ve murdered her without regard for your own fate; the payment is your body. I look out of the bus window; there isn’t a stupid car in sight. Our wedding venue is flooded to our ankles. All are guests are in rain boots. You mum is pissy. Your brother’s dog is soaking wet. Your friends are not feeling it. They want an explanation. I say ‘Suck it up pretty princesses, this is my dream, when the queen walks my way she will see only me.’ The metal chairs full of discontent butts start sliding, some people are puzzled; some are standing now, some start laughing and stomping. Splash! Few begin to crawl. But only one submerses herself completely, Portia is swimming. Sage is waiting. Sage is standing completely still. Sage is breathing for them both. She whispers softly to her love, ‘keep going baby. I feel your love drawing near. I feel your breath on the back of neck whenever I say your name aloud. I feel every stroke you take. I feel you gasp for air. I swallow the water you take in when you do. I know you cant breath. Fear nothing bratty baby, I’m still here. I’m still taking every breath for you.

            Let me prove it. Call me to you.’ 

            I’m a workingman. I scrub uterine blood off of stainless steal for ten hours a day just to keep a roof over your precious head. You through a mattress on the cold hardwood, a yoga mat in front the giant window and call it home. You sit and stare at the moon for hours. I walk in. It’s late. I’m drenched. Danit is singing through my little green speaker, clipped to the blinds. You say hi. But you don’t look away from what’s captivated your attention. You haven’t fallen out of love with me, I know. Its just every now and then you need to remind me that you belong to you and you alone. I have tendencies that I never meant to cultivate. I have habits that take energy from every day to reverse. This world made a selfish needy jealous beggar of me. I want to own you. But it is I that must be yours. It is I that must wait alone. This is the fate of my love. I don’t fight her anymore. I have sacrificed everything. I take off my wet jacket and throw it over my bike. I sit on the edge of my mattress and unlace one boot. I start crying softly. I don’t want to disturb you. But I can’t help but feel every soul I see. I can’t help but feel: I am everyone. I cannot but be trapped out in the rain. I can’t help but having nowhere to go. I can’t help but to beg a stranger for leftovers. I need to eat! I can’t help but to ask if he’s okay. ‘Ha! No. I’m fucking cold and wet and hungry.’ I can’t help but cry. I’m weeping now. She turns around but doesn’t stir. She lets me feel. She feels no need to console. She knows the power of sadness. She knows if I don’t let it flow through me, that I will never know the joy she begs for. She knows my love. She turns back towards the moon and starts to sing. I stop crying. I unstrap the other boot and kick them both off. I’m giggling now. I fall back on blue sheets and pull off my pants. I jump up and pull my t over my back with both hands. All I’ve got on are my black briefs now. She lets her gaze find my body again. She stares through every inch of my pale moon-kissed skin. She doesn’t stop singing. She sings in Spanish. I speak with the smallest hint of a British tongue in the back of my throat. I begin to dance. I flip the switch on my wall and the room lights up softly from above, fairies. I don’t stop dancing. She grabs for my thighs and tries to pull me down. ‘Get off your ass Daisy Jade! I’m not going to stop until I have you by my side again. I will never give up hope in you. I skip to your grave every morning. I fall into robin’s egg trail and watch this city drink water like a five-year-old girl. She’s been dancing alone on an abandoned wedding floor for hours and she’s absolutely going to fall over dead if she doesn’t drink the whole cup in two seconds. It splashes her on the cheeks in the eyes, gushes down her tiny chin. Hardly any hits the back of her tongue, but fuck if it she aint trying. She’ll find her way to hydration even if she has to drown trying. She’s the love of my life after all. There’s nothing she won’t do to stay alive. I’ve seen her chin tick to rock and roll. I already know what she is capable off. I already know all there is to know. Nothing. Water is seeping up and making rivers everywhere. ‘I can’t figure out which one we should meet at. I can’t figure out why. But I know it is you.’ I exhaust myself. I sit beside her. 

            ‘Isn’t she beautiful?’ she says looking away.

            ‘Yes.’ But I’m not looking at the moon. 

‘I see only you.’