489: Reince Your Priebus
Part One: Biden Won’t Be Tweeting at 1AM
Welcome to Hardly Focused, aka The Jack and Mike Show! Or The Mike and Jack Show. Whatever you want to call it, it’s just the two of them for this one.
To the surprise of nobody, Mike is very happy that Donald Trump is finally out of office. He’s also hopeful that Trump will be convicted, and tossed out of Mar-a-Lago. Jack points out that Trump’s youngest, Barron, apparently speaks with an Eastern European accent. He also points out that he feels ashamed for having once found Ivanka Trump attractive.
Elsewhere, Bernie Sanders is once again a meme. Enjoy it while you can, it won’t be funny for very long!
Part Two: Joe Exotic Doesn’t Get His Pardon
Jack begins this segment by discussing the “Diet Coke” button that ex-President Trump had in the Oval Office. Mike reminds the room that Trump drinks upwards of 12 Diet Cokes per day. As of writing, Biden had this button removed entirely.
In somewhat related news, Tiger King Joe Exotic is disappointed to have not been pardoned by Trump. Exotic claims it’s because he’s “too gay.” That’s not stopping him from hoping President Biden will give him a break.
Jack mentions that he needs new shows to watch, having considered re-watching Tiger King. This leads Jack and Mike to discuss the upcoming episodes of Saturday Night Live. Maybe John Krasinski will finally catch a break!
Part Three: We Stopped Serving Breakfast at 11:30
Jack begins this segment by asking Mike if people pilfer through his recycling. It’s a common practice where Jack lives. Jack then explains what “grocery shopping” is in regards to local radio host Howie Carr’s penchant for stealing office supplies.
On that note, Jack features three stories for “How Fucking Dumb Are You?”
- A woman from Sussex is under fire for calling the police when she missed McDonald’s breakfast. Jack has the audio of the call! You won’t want to miss this one.
- Waffle House employees are fired for pouring food on an inebriated customer, and filming it.
- A woman from Pennsylvania tries to steal an ambulance after robbing a convenience store, and realizes she doesn’t know how to drive it.