BROADCASTS.com

Stepping Into Your Best New Year

Listed in: Education

How are you going to invest in yourself?

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Setting Boundaries With The Family This Season

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How I Left the Victim Behind

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The Truth On How to Avoid Becoming Overwhelmed

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Getting Beyond the "I Don't Want To" Barrier and Start Living

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Overcome the Past by Letting Go of Regret and Embracing Redemption

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The One Thing That Will Allow You To Feel Fulfilled.

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Are we Talking About Mental Health Too Much?

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Finding The Right High-Valued Woman

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How To Self-coach

In this episode, we celebrate the 200th episode of the podcast/show. Initially, the host had planned on offering live coaching sessions but unfortunately, no one signed up. This leads the host to reflect on what this lack of sign-ups means and how he can self-coach himself through this situation.

He recognizes that berating himself or blaming others won\'t solve the problem and instead focuses on shifting his thoughts and approaching the situation with intentionality. Throughout the episode, the host shares his disappointment but also emphasizes the importance of learning from setbacks.

The host ponders why no one signed up for the coaching and expresses a desire to improve and overcome such challenges in the future. The host starts by reflecting on why he hasn\'t been able to capture people\'s attention and mentions that he is currently listening to Robert Cialdini\'s book "Influence" to learn about ethical influence. He admits feeling disappointed and acknowledges that he let himself down by not learning the necessary lessons to attract people. Despite this setback, he remains determined to offer live coaching sessions in the future, approximately every 10 episodes.

To process his feelings of being let down, the host decides to do a thought download. He explores the circumstance of nobody signing up for coaching and acknowledges that this thought might mean he needs to improve his communication skills or that he may not be a good coach. He also realizes the need to improve his advertising on Facebook and start promoting earlier to generate more trust from potential clients. The host understands the importance of learning from mistakes and generating more thoughts to gain a better understanding of his emotions.

The host then moves on to using a model to process his thoughts and emotions. He explains the model and how it can be applied to any circumstance. The circumstance he chooses is that nobody showed up for coaching. The next step is to choose one thought to focus on, such as "I am not a good marketer," and examine the feeling that thought generates. The host introduces an app called "How We Feel" that helps break down emotions into four quadrants. The host realizes that the emotion that resonates with him the most is frustration. He discusses how frustration can lead to negative actions, such as wanting to quit or engaging in negative self-talk. The host emphasizes that engaging in negative self-talk or quitting won\'t lead to success in his business. He acknowledges that the problem lies in his thoughts and beliefs and the need to change them to gain control over his emotions and direction in life. He encourages embracing emotions, sitting with them, and fully experiencing them instead of avoiding them.

Through exploring his frustration, the host describes how it feels in his body and acknowledges that emotions only last for a short time. He stresses the importance of questioning the\\xa0truth and usefulness of thoughts\\xa0and choosing better ones. For example, reframing the thought "I\'m not a good marketer" as "I am an inexperienced marketer" and focusing on learning and growth. The host shares his desire to become a successful marketer and mentions a podcast by Ray Edwards that he highly recommends. He expresses his resolve to take action and start coaching others, using this\\xa0podcast as a way to coach listeners. While no one has signed up for coaching yet, the host believes it will happen and he will become a great marketer through practice and learning. He discusses the importance of selling ideas and\\xa0effective communication, particularly in relationships, and reflects on his experiences in coaching both men and women.

The host also mentions the importance of finding the balance between promoting and overwhelming the audience and acknowledges the need for improvement in his marketing strategies. The host concludes the episode by expressing gratitude to the listeners for tuning in to the special 200th episode. He encourages them to leave comments on the website and share their thoughts. He emphasizes that his purpose is to help listeners overcome challenges and improve themselves as men. The host reminds listeners to take intentional steps towards having better relationships and offers his coaching services in the future. He reassures listeners that even as a coach, he still has emotional reactions but chooses not to respond to them. He believes that true freedom and joy can be found through\\xa0intentional thoughts and navigating life\'s highs and lows.

The episode concludes with the host expressing his gratitude once again and his hope to see listeners in 10 weeks for more coaching.

The Model

C\\xa0-\\xa0CIrcumstance
T\\xa0-\\xa0Thought of the Circumstance
F\\xa0- The Feeling\\xa0created by that thought
A\\xa0-\\xa0The Action\\xa0you perform because you are feeling that emotion
R\\xa0-\\xa0The Result\\xa0you have because of that action

00:00:00 Celebrating Episode 200 - Reflecting on Progress
00:01:10 Live Coaching Failure: No Sign-ups
00:03:34 Learning from Setbacks and Striving for Improvement
00:12:40 Understanding the Connection between Thoughts and Emotions
00:15:55 Exploring the Disappointment of not being a good marketer
00:19:21 Understanding Emotions: High Energy, Positive/Negative, Low Energy, Positive/Negative
00:28:03 Developing a Relationship and Dealing with Jealousy
00:33:14 Allowing Emotions to Pass and Shifting Mindset
00:37:36 Embracing Growth and Evolution
00:40:13 Relationship Coaching and the Nuances of Communication
00:48:01 Making Little Steps to Improve Your Relationship

Ready for The Next Step?

Sign up for a consulting call

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Get out of Your Own Way

In this episode, I share my recent experience at a hippie event in Oklahoma, where I had the chance to meet interesting people and try out some healthy vegan options. I even participated in a unique activity called sound bathing, which turned out to be an eye-opening and fascinating experience. This event reminded me and my listeners about the importance of not allowing obstacles and excuses to stand in the way of our dreams and desires. Excuses can be the biggest barriers to our success, whether it\'s in our personal lives or in achieving our goals. It\'s time to let go of those excuses, overcome obstacles, and start taking action towards the life we truly want. Moving forward, I talk about the benefits of coaching and encourage listeners to sign up for a coaching event.

Coaching can help individuals overcome self-imposed limitations and address various areas of their lives, such as procrastination, overeating, and building connections with loved ones. I share my personal experience with attending events and trying new activities like getting a massage and wanting to try an ice bath. I emphasize the importance of not allowing excuses and other people\'s opinions to hinder our goals and dreams.

I share a story of a violin player who gave up his dream due to discouraging advice from someone else, highlighting the pitfalls of seeking validation from others and making excuses for ourselves. It\'s crucial for us to take responsibility for our own actions and not let fear or external factors hold us back.

I discuss the importance of believing in our own capabilities and setting our minds to achieve what we want. Seeking advice from high-quality individuals who have achieved success is valuable, rather than relying solely on friends who may not have the necessary expertise. Having a clear purpose or "why" is essential in overcoming obstacles and staying motivated. Making a plan and taking action, even if it means trying different approaches and making adjustments along the way, is crucial.

I share my personal goal of helping others through coaching and express a desire to see men succeed in pursuing their dreams, regardless of societal stereotypes and challenges they may face. I encourage listeners to adopt a mindset of continuous learning and growth, starting small and putting in the necessary effort and time to achieve their desired outcomes. Finally, I talk about the journey with Relaxed Male, from a men\'s magazine to a store, men\'s wellness blog, and now men\'s coaching. Running Relaxed Male as a serious business for about two years now, I want to show everyone how amazing life can be and that achieving goals is possible for anyone. Embracing failure as a learning opportunity and celebrating it as a stepping stone to our true purpose is important. I acknowledge that some listeners may have experienced trauma or have PTSD, and while therapy is crucial for baseline functioning, coaching can take them even further.

I invite interested individuals to visit relaxedmel.com/trycoaching and sign up for a Zoom call to explore coaching further. I express my commitment to being there for anyone who joins and being willing to coach for as long as it takes. I encourage listeners to share this message with others who may need to hear it, as together, we can make Relaxed Male a movement and help men become their best selves. In closing, I remind listeners to take care and look forward to reconnecting with them in the next episode.

00:00:27 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Determination as Men
00:00:49 Welcome to the Relaxed Male and Reflection on Recent Event
00:02:00 Unexpected Experience at the Hippie Event
00:06:28 Overcoming Excuses and Taking Action
00:10:43 Excuses and opinions hinder us from reaching our goals
00:12:15 Giving up on dreams due to external discouragement
00:15:11 Know your why and overcome excuses with a plan
00:17:04 Start small, execute daily, and build towards success
00:20:14 Stop low-quality thinking and believe in your own potential
00:22:21 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Using Trauma as Fuel

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When Your Feelings Hurt

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The Art Of No Offence

\\xa0

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, we explore the concept of being offended and discuss strategies to stop taking offense. As the host, my mission is to assist men in overcoming various challenges they face in their lives and finding happiness. I express my gratitude towards a listener who sent equipment to improve the sound quality of the podcast and mention an upcoming coaching session where individuals can share their issues. We begin by defining being offended as feeling hurt or insulted due to a perceived wrong. I explain that being easily offended has become a prevalent issue in today\'s society, with people using offense as a weapon.

I highlight the importance of teaching younger generations that disagreement and discourse are valuable and that being offended often stems from a victim mentality. Additionally, I discuss how societal avoidance of sensitive topics has contributed to the rise of easily being offended. To illustrate the subjectivity of perception, I reveal that I see the sky as blue due to the interaction between sunlight and nitrogen in the air. I detail how discussions and disagreements can be influenced by emotions and personal biases. Drawing from personal experiences, I explain how expressing controversial ideas on social media can provoke strong reactions. I share my belief that government assistance can create dependency and discourage financial independence, based on my own experience and observations.

To overcome being easily offended, I emphasize the importance of understanding the root of our emotions and embracing emotional adulthood. Rather than becoming defensive or angry when faced with differing opinions, I advocate for having mature conversations grounded in facts. Active listening and seeking to understand others\' perspectives are key to effective communication. I assert that having differing views is acceptable, as long as mutual respect is maintained. By choosing our emotional responses and exposing ourselves to diverse viewpoints, we can become less easily offended.

Further in the podcast, I discuss the significance of becoming comfortable with discomfort and controlling our emotions. I assert that nobody truly cares about these issues except for those directly involved, and each person\'s purpose and perspective are unique. I encourage listeners to share the episode with others who may benefit from learning how to navigate being easily triggered or offended.

To support the movement, I encourage sharing the podcast on social media platforms and spreading the message of creating a community of strong men dedicated to positive change. I express gratitude for the support and urge listeners to subscribe to the show to receive new episodes every Thursday.

00:00:00 The Art of Not Being Offended
00:00:57 Helping Men Overcome Suffering and Find Relaxation
00:02:37 Improved Sound Quality Thanks to a Listener\'s Gift
00:04:59 October 14th: Try Coaching and Get Coached
00:07:06 Why Being Offended is Out of Control
00:13:21 The Science Behind the Blue Sky
00:16:04 Controversial Views on Poverty and Government Assistance
00:23:29 Embracing Different Views in Relationships
00:26:39 Building Bridges and Exposing Yourself to Different Perspectives
00:29:35 The Importance of Individual Perspective and Letting Others Be
00:33:22 Uniting Strong Men to Change the World

What is being offended?

Offended

1. feeling or expressing hurt, indignation, or irritation because of a perceived wrong or insult:
   The man replied in an offended voice, "My niece would never do anything like that!"
2. being the recipient or victim of criminal or morally repugnant behavior:
   After the referral agent and the offender speak, the offended individual is invited to speak about how the assault affected them.

dictionary.com

Now These days the act of being offended is getting way out of hand.

Why is Ofeended so out of control?

• We barred sensitive topics
• There are too many nice guys
• The get-along gang
• \\xa0

What is Being Offended

• Its a thought

What is needed to stop being offended

• Seek first to understand
• Get out of Emotional Childhood
• expose yourself to other views
• accept that no one really cares
• Understand that you are not the most important person in the room.

Listed in: Education

How To Forgive Yourself and Move On

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Motivational Fuel, The 4 Strategies to Keep You Going

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7 Ways to Break Free From Your Cycle Of Aimlessness

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Why Men Benefit from Facing Pain

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Your Thoughts Create Your Results

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Are You After Success Or Happiness?

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What is Your Code of Conduct

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Do This Before You Make Any Huge Changes In Your Life

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How To Properly Feed Your Soul

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How to Gain Control Of Your Mind

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You Can Still Have Wonder About Life

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Using Positive Thoughts To Beat The Problem

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Harnessing the Power of Your Divorce to Become a Better Man

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Showing Up Fully For Those Around You

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Looking At You Dad

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How To Solve Your Problems

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Nurturing Self-Trust and Follow-Through

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Making Friends That Matter

Be intentional

As with anything in life if you aren\'t being intentional in what you do you will get results but those results aren\'t going to be to your liking. They may fit your narrative, but they wont be the quality or type of person you want in your life.

My version of the Jim Rhon quote is you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most intentional time with. So if you are with people who think that corporations are evil and you are trying to start your own company then you are probably with the wrong crowd and you will have to choose whether you want to leave or if you want to

Make yourself like who you want to be friends with

Go to where those men are found

Serve those men

Talk regular

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Liberating Yourself from the Need for Validation

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Letting Others Fix Their Own Problems

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Are You Numbing Yourself?

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The Difference Between a Boy and a Man

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Living Your Life in Fear

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Why Are You So Busy?

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Why are you avoiding happiness?

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The Truth of Being Judgmental

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How Do You Forgive?

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How To Shift Your Thoughts

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Beating Frustration - When You Have Had Enough

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Divorced at Home With Craig

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How do you take action?

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Overcoming Fear

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When Relationships Run Their Course

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Off Balance? Get Focused

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Why Divorces Happens

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Your Best Year Yet!

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What Does Your Future Hold?

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The Need For Your Family

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Is It OK To Be Rich?

Is it OK to be rich? These questions will bring up so many thoughts about money.

I don\'t care about money/Money isn\'t important

Money Is the Root of All Evil

Money makes you greedy

Money Tears families apart

Money is nothing but a score

Money is a circumstance

Money is like alcohol

Money is a tool

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You Are Worthy?

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How to Attract More Women

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Taking the High Road In Divorce with Andy Heller

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Are You Thinking of Your Goals?

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Can You Forgive?

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Rise of The Lonely Man

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Use Stress To Your Advantage

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Why You Are Poor

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Your Motivational Triad

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You're Wrong, and That's OK

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Are You Buffering?

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An Argument For Discomfort

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Dont Make Decisions While Going Uphill

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The Drawbacks of Self-Improvement

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The Power of, What If?

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Do You Really Not Care?

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Live From Mission Critical

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There is a Need For Leadership

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Is religion important?

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I am a Failure

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Altruism's Dangers

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Live an Intentional Life

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Why is Divorce So Difficult?

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Why Men Need Men in Their Lives

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Viewing Your World Through a New Lens

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Are You Man Enough For These 3 Tests Women Run on Men?

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Getting Prepared

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For The Benefit Of The Kids

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VIewing Your Circumstance

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Dreamers of the Day

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Why All The Superhero Movies?

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The Sinkable Female-Led Relationships

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The River of Misery

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How to Remove Fear From Your Life

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The Slap Heard Around the World

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Your Rucking Life

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The Model: Your Results

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The Model: Action

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The Model: Feelings

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The Model: Thoughts

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The Model:Your Circumstance

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The Model for a Better Life

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Men Who Overcame The Odds

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Ready Yourself for Success

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The Key to Happiness Is to Be Miserable?

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The Man's Uniform

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The Attitude You Are Showing

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The Power of Men's Groups

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Are Goals Important?

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The Importance of Traditions

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The Antiwork Movement

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Stop Trying To Fix Everything

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Where Do You Want To Go

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Other People's Opinion

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The Root of Your Suffering

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Your Circumstance

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You Have To Start with a Dingy before you can Have a Yacht

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What I learned After 100 Episodes

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Fighting Burnout

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Men's Need for Violence

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Standards, Why They Matter

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The Perceived Virtues of Victims

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Timothy Dexter and The Laws of Attraction

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Women Detest Nice Guys

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Are You Wetting the Leather?

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How Men Talk To Each Other

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Aim For Awesome

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A Pair Of Jeep Panties

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The Difference Between a Therapist and a Coach

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Disempowering Thoughts

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Your Basket of Beliefs

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The Folly of The Red Pill

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Surviving a Divorce

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Making Peace with Porn, Talking with Matt Sinkovitz

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Why Marriages Fall Apart

Operation Tears Of the 22 Off the Hardball

This event is to help veterans to reset mentally SIgn up

Question of the week be\\xa0Brotherhood of Men

Why is the divorce rate so high, especially in Western countries, if love marriages work?

Well, there are theories as to why. The number one resin though is\\xa0the No-fault divorce. This was started in 1969 by one of the greatest presidents the US had. Now Reagan later said he regretted signing the bull when he was governor of California. He did this as a means to cut down the fabrication of wrongdoings being slung at each other trying to get a divorce.

Since then the divorce rate has skyrocketed. For a long time, men were the primary people who started divorces but as time has gone on, now women initiate around 80% of all divorces today.

Why? Well, that\\u2019s where the theories come into play. Most of the time it is because one person or another is having an affair but money issues also play a part. Yet with the affairs, the problem is that many men have stopped being men and now women are busy having to take up the slack. Men have been told they are to spill their emotional guts to their wife and that does nothing but add stress to their wife\\u2019s life. The overly emotional man causes the woman in the guy\'s life to lose respect for him. All because he listened to society and stopped doing guy things out of fear that he was going to be seen as a toxic masculine guy.

Men have stopped doing several things that attracted the woman to him. These things are what turned her on to him. All because he was doing manly things and then after saying I do he started sharing way too much and ditching his friends for his wife.

What did these men stop doing?

There are several things men have stopped doing that caused their women to not respect them. These things are part of the 4 pillars of a relaxed male.

Man\'s mind

Men stop learning they get a job and start working and they think that is it. Job accomplished! Nope, they are providing for their family that is important, but he stops learning and expanding his mind getting smarter. Most men stop reading after high school and read-only if it is required. They don\\u2019t learn for the sake of learning.

Man\\u2019s Body

They get a dad bod. Now a few extra pounds isn\\u2019t a deal-breaker but 50 pounds? That isn\\u2019t sexy to a woman. Now men don\\u2019t have to be chiseled, but I shape so that if they can protect their family if needed. You hear women claim that they like a soft chubby man. Yet those claims don\\u2019t ring true when you hear who they think is sexy. Bro-Thor wasn\\u2019t nearly as hunky as fit Thor. You could hear that from the women\'s reaction when they saw Avengers End Game.

Men need to be in shape so that they are healthy enough to take care of their wives when they get old. A fat man will not live as long as a healthy man.

Mans Soul

Men have stopped perspiring their passions after they get married. Women love to see men who are driven to accomplish something. Now, this doesn\\u2019t mean that the men are to become workaholics. This means that they have work and a hobby or a side business or an activity that feeds their soul. Most men when they are dating have something like this. Then they drop it when they get married and start turning their full attention to their wives. The wives have other things to do too other than sit around and give their husbands all their attention.

Mans Community

this is the pillar that falls almost completely apart after marriage. First off any friends before marriage disappears. The wife and kids get 90% of the man\'s attention. He can\\u2019t go camping because of his wife and the kids. He does go sit and talk with his band of brothers because of his wife and kids. It not that the wife and kids demand it all the time. It\\u2019s just we guys believe that is what we are supposed to do.

So we lose our friends and we don\\u2019t replace them with new ones. Before we know it 20 years have passed and we have 1\\u20134 friends. And maybe only one of them is dependable enough that we could call them at 3 am with a problem. We don\\u2019t have normally get together with other masculine men so we can talk about our problems.

So what do we do? We tell our wives our problems. That\\u2019s because we have been told we are supposed to share our emotions with our wives. That is only partially the solution we are supposed to talk about with our wives but we share the positives with them and share the negative with our band of brothers. We take the negative from our lives we help them and we ask our close friends to help with the emotional weight it may have. Telling a wife all the financial problems you have doesn\\u2019t help her have confidence in you. It doesn\\u2019t help her to see you as the provider. You are extra emotional baggage that she has to deal with when you come in and start dumping all over her how crappy your boss is.

Women won\\u2019t respect you for that and a woman can\\u2019t love a man she can\\u2019t respect.

The other thing that will help a marriage last is to know how to fill your partner\'s emotional tank. That is know how to talk and be present with them when they are talking. Learn to speak their\\xa0love language. That will go a long way in keeping wondering eyes from going anywhere other than to you.

Main Topic

Men stop being who they are supposed to be

Victim mindset

• No responsibility
• Men act surprised

They let their wife\\u2019s emotional rank run empty

A marriage needs to have lots of communication for a person\'s emotional tank to stay full. Now the problem is many times we are using the wrong language. In marriage, there are\\xa05 different love languages\\xa0that can be spoken in the same house. We are often speaking our love language and it\'s getting lost in translation.

• GIfts
• Quality time
• Words of Affirmation
• Acts of Service
• Physical Touch

They stop talking

Many times we stop talking we don\'t sit and listen. We aren\'t present while our wives are speaking. We are thinking of everything else that is going on and not what is happening right there at the moment. We miss so many nuances of what is being shared. In doing so we lose the opportunity to connect.

They stop being spontaneous

With life, you have to stop and smell the roses. Or as Robert Herrick said in his poem, "To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time",

\\xa0

\\xa0

"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,"

\\u2014 Robert Herrick

\\xa0

\\xa0

We let time slip past us with kids and houses and just life in general. You may have financial problems but you can still exercise your creativity and be spontaneous.

They just drift

Drifting isn\'t only an example of not paying attention to what you are doing, but also is about you not having a goal set to pursue. You not having a reason why you jump out of bed excited to take on the day is a huge example of drifting.

Their pillars have collapsed

• Man\'s mind
  • You stop learning
  • You aren\'t reading
  • You would rather not listen to audiobooks or\\xa0podcasts\\xa0but music only
  • When you stop learning you start dying
• Man\'s body
  • They are out of shape
  • They are not the physique of when they met
  • They can\\u2019t protect their family when they are out of shape.
• Man\'s soul
  • What feeds your soul? That is the question if you don\'t have a passion. Find something to create. Maybe it\'s a blog or you take up painting, or woodworking, or even blacksmithing. You need to be creating something. From charitable work to a business. Have a purpose in your life.
• Man\'s Community
  • This is the huge one for us men these days. We don\'t spend enough time with other masculine men. We don\'t sit with other men eating and talking about our lives.\\xa0A mastermind\\xa0of like-minded men Is there for you to find balance in your life. They are there to take the negative so you don\'t have to burden your woman with those negative events, and you can shower her with the positives.

Listed in: Education

Navigating Midlife with John Teng

This week we have a conversation with John Teng. John is a public speaker author musician and lover of life. He has written a book called the Hero Mindset: Become(ing) the Hero of Your Own Adventure. This book is not just for men but also for women. People through the ages have struggled with one huge problem and that is the dreaded Midlife Crisis. John talks about how it actually isn\'t a crisis at all. Yeah, your life is almost halfway over but it really isn\'t a reason to panic and suddenly try to find yourself.

We look at the different landmarks you have in your life to successfully navigate the different pitfalls of your midlife. Talk about laying out a map for you to use so you can enter and pass through the midlife area of your life and be better for it in the end

John Teng has several avenues that he is enjoying life to the fullest and on his terms from rocking it out in a band to writing and helping others to find their path. So listen in and see how John Teng and his book can help you.

Social Info

LIVXTRA:\\xa0www.livxtra.net
Twitter:\\xa0@midlifemagazine\\xa0
Instagram:\\xa0@johnjteng
YouTube:\\xa0@midlifemagazine
Facebook:\\xa0@midlifemagazine

Listed in: Education

The Art Of Being Present

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The Trouble When You AssUMe

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Talking Relationships with Lindsey Marie

This week we have fellow coach Lindsay Marie Barber on the show. Lindsey is an expert on relationships and helps men to foster better relationships with those of the fairer sex.

What is the biggest problem you see with men and their ability to effectively communicate?

Website: https://lindseymariecoaching.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindseymariecoaching/

Listed in: Education

The Worst Phrase We Are Teaching Our Kids

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Free Yourself From The Opinion of Others

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The Grudge: The Heaviest of Weights

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Playing The Victim Means You're Playing to Lose

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A Conversation with MJ Durkin

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The Folly of Happy Wife Happy Life

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Are You An Asset or A Liability?

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Get Outside!

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Finding Your Band Of Brothers

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The Need For a Band Of Brothers

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Do Words Have Power?

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Men Need A Purpose

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Using Affirmations Correctly

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What Can You Control?

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Are You an Attractive Person?

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Are You a Problem Magnet?

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The Recipe for Happiness

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Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself

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A Conversation with Jayden

This week I talk to my son Jayden about growing up and the challenges he faces. What he thinks is needed for you to be able to succeed. We talk about when he was growing up to when he discovered that rebelling doesn\'t serve all the time but why kids do rebel.

How do young men of today need to do to reach their dreams and how do they approach life? They do want meaning and purpose much as many people do.

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Holding Space

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Building Respect

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Find Your System for Success

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I Have A Confession

The Question of the Week - Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men

Read Bryan Goodwin\'s answer to Do you feel that you are appreciated as a father? on Quora

Question by Roderick Wrenn

The topic of the week

Hey men, This week is sort of a confessional that I want to get started and out in the open. Now I could start with an excuse and say that the problems I had this year were all because of 2020. Yet we both know that is an excuse and crap. Everything I talk about this week is my fault and I take full responsibility for the shortcoming I have had.

I have failed this year in many ways. I have failed you. I failed friends and Family, and I have failed myself. How? Well, I will be jumping into that.

For us to be relaxed men we have to have integrity, and for this year, I left integrity in the dirt. I seemed to have dropped it time and time again. Thinking that I was going to do better only to throw it harder into the dirt.

There are 4 pillars to being a relaxed male, and if I am going to have you follow this path I need to be on this path too, and I have not been on it at all. There were a few times that I danced around like I was on it but if I\'m being honest I wasn\'t. Those pillars are the Man\'s Mind Man\'s Body, Man\'s Soul, and the Man\'s Community. Want to know which ones I failed in? All of them.

The Man\'s Body

How much exercise and upkeep have I done this year? None. I walked 3 miles one day while I was on vacation. That wasn\'t walking around a town that was an intentional walk. I had a hole where I was going to walk at least 15 minutes each day and I didn\'t do that. I started out well. but about 3 weeks into the year I was forced to sleep on a highway exit and I didn\'t feel safe walking on the side of the road. Yet because I stopped that I completely stopped. Didn\'t try to go walking again.

I did lose about 25 pounds but that was because I got back into another habit that I kicked about 8 years ago. that habit was smoking. I smoked from pretty much the start of the year till Dec 8 at 11:15 am. I ran out of cigarettes and decided today was as good as any to quit and so I did.

Starting back up was me thinking I was going to be able to control it. Yet also knowing that it is uncontrollable. It took no time at all for me to fall back into the habit of lighting up after meals. driving, sex, all those times that smoking is very satisfactory. The drawbacks also showed back up very fast. The sore lungs. The smoker\'s cough and phlegm you cough up in the morning. The shame I felt of letting myself down, and worse realizing that I was not living up to the standards I need to be.

I did learn why smoking is so nice and I have set my jaw to never have one of those items again. I see why other addicts can fall back into their own ways so easily because we lie to ourselves. We say we can handle it this time and that is not true.

So I haven\'t been working on my Body infact I have been abusing that body this year. That is going to stop.

How am I going to stop that?

Well, I am going to start doing exercises one I can do in the truck or on the trailer bed. I am knocking smoking out of my lungs. I am stopping the do as I say not as I do actions that have never brought anybody any integrity and start taking steps to get healthy. Eating right and tackling overeating. I have to do that or I will balloon back up to 275-280. I am going to start loving myself for who I am. I am going to start honoring my body instead of cursing it.

These are some of what I will be working on in relation to my body.

Man\'s Mind

Now I have probably listened to more books than I have ever listened to books in the past. The problem I have noticed is that I don\'t read. The addiction to electronics in my life is as much out of control as ever. I haven\'t addressed this till now. I have to get back into reading physical books. There are some key points that I need to understand by reading physical hard copies of books.

I have also fallen out of a couple of my mastermind groups. I was making great headway but my motivation has slipped. So I will be looking fr a couple of new Mastermind groups that are for me and some other people who are wanting to get their business off the ground. I need help and people to push me. I lack the needed accountability to fully get up to the speed I need. I realize that this also requires self-discipline and that is something I am going to be fighting through. I will become better at self-disciplined this year.

Man\'s Soul

When it comes to my soul it is this calling I have. I have questioned whether coaching is my calling or just a dream. Yet I find myself time again called to help people who see things in a scarcity mindset or in the pits of victimhood. Now I have yet to really get people to make changes that will help them and that is because they are people that I know and I haven\'t really given them any reason to believe in the power of change because again I have no integrity. SO I have to learn that I have to step back and let them suffer and decide when to come to me. How do I get them to come to me? I have to make the needed changes in myself to show them and you that change is possible. I believe it but I have yet to display or apply those changes.

Man\'s Community

This is the hard one. I like staying home and working on the blog and planning videos and such, but the lack of meeting people is what is truly holding me back. I have to get out of my comfort zone and start putting myself out there. How? Well, that is the rub ain\'t it? I believe the best place I can find people who would like to accept me and maybe be able to help them in return is for me to join a church. The church is the only gathering I can think of that goes on during the weekend.

I have many different arguments in my head about getting out and meeting people and I understand what those arguments are. It is fear and comfort. I have to fight against those thoughts that are keeping me small. Follow the fear and use it as a compass. So I believe the church is the best place to start. From there maybe I can Find out exactly what men are looking for when it comes to helping their sons.

What am I going to do?

This is where I am making some major changes. Those changes are I am stepping away from the normal goal setting that I used to use. I am seeing that I need systems in place to help me make those goals. I will use goals but I will not just make goals and trying for them. I am making goals and then set up systems so that I am getting closer each time.

Much like my 100 visitors a day goal. This year I have gotten even closer to my goals than I have ever before. I am averaging 30-40 visitors a day. My system is to put out 3 pieces of content each week. I then make sure those pieces of content are shared on as many different social media sites as possible.

So I will share what my systems are going to be for each goal in the next episode.

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Can Positivity be Toxic?

Question of the week - brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men

Read Bryan Goodwin\'s answer to Should the government play any role in the parent/child relationship? Are there circumstances where outside involvement/support/restrictions is/are acceptable? Who gets the final say in what happens to a child? on Quora

Main Topic

Toxic what? Yeah The topic this week is a little out there. According to some people you can actually be too happy. Which in my thought is a bunch of whoey. And this is for many different reasons the biggest being that you can make people feel bad for being happy.

Now if you have listened to any of the other shows you know that you can\'t make anybody feel anything. They may have a thought about an action but their thought is what makes them feel a particular emotion. They have the choice to feel anything they want. If they choose to feel bad becuase you are in a good mood then that is on them.

Another problem I have with this word is the word Toxic this implies that people are able to poison other people and we, as humans, simply don\'t have that ability. We do not carry toxins in our body. Now I do understand what they are getting at but it is just a horrible miss use of the word so I believe I need to correct it.

Now You can use a positive outlook on life if you are trying to repress other emotions but that is again on you you are not going to inflict that on other people if they choose to not be happy.

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Men and The Problem with Porn

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The First Year

Guests

Big Brother Jake Warner - Ep 34

Tripp Lanier - Ep 39

Terry Tucker - Ep50

Coming next week Michael Mcpherson - Ep 53

I was on a few Podcasts

Senior Moments

The Pragmatic Idealist

The Flipped Lifestyle

Topics

From The Man Box To the 4 pillars

Talked a lot about Emotions and where they come from

We talked about how to make a statement about your life

And the different mindsets and why they matter to you.

Stats

Downloads: 2,130

First download was Nov 29, 2019

Thank you to the person who downloaded the whole back catalog on Nov 21

Gaana Is huge

Places that have listened

• Zambia
• Turkey
• Trinidad
• The Netherlands
• England
• Argentina
• Peru
• Brazil
• Morocco
• Mexico

Website

Still growing I am getting more and more people to the site. My goal of getting 100 visitors are closer now than when I first started but I am not finally getting organic searches to my site which only started really happening this year.

New additions

The Question of the week

Where are we going?

Live event and more Brotherhood of Men

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The Silent Contract

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Finding Your Purpose with Terry Tucker

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First Empty Your Cup

Question of the Week Brought to you by The Brotherhood of Men

Read Bryan Goodwin\'s answer to My mom and I have been getting into fights. We\\u2019re both tired of it, but always seem to argue. How do I make things good again? on Quora

Main Topic

There is an old story about how a University professor came to China and was talking to a Zen Master about Zen. As they talked the Zen Master was serving tea. The master started pouring the tea till it was right up to the lip of the cup. Then he kept pouring until the saucer was full and finally the professor could hold his tongue anymore and blurted out its full you can\\u2019t get any more in! The Zen master replied, \\u201cThis is you. How can I teach you Zen unless you empty your cup?\\u201d

No, this week\\u2019s post isn\\u2019t about being zen or anything like that. It is about what are you putting in your cup are you emptying your cup or are you keeping your cup full. Are you listening to what is being said or are you just holding on to your preconceived thoughts? Are you Emptying Your Cup? Are you getting rid of any preconceived notions that you have and looking at a problem or listening with a completely open mind? Are you learning and applying those lessons you learned?

You have 2 ears and one mouth

Listen twice as much as you speak. You can hear what people are saying even if they don\'t agree with you. You can at least understand why they think the way they think.

Empty Those Preconceived Notions

Ask questions for understanding. Yeah, you may have your facts together but are they in order? The Sun rises in the east and sets in the west but the sun doesn\\u2019t revolve around us. You may find out that you have some facts but there is a different way to look at those facts.

Apply what you have learned before you take on more

So many learn and learn and learn and never apply what they have learned. They are those people who have a hundred books about starting a business but never have applied that knowledge. The professional Convention attendee. These folks are always learning instead of applying the knowledge they learn.

Learning and knowledge do you no good till you apply that knowledge into a skill.

Subscribe To The Podcast

Sign up for a Coaching Discovery Call

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Make a Statement About Your Life

The Question of The Week by The Brotherhood Of Men

Read Bryan Goodwin\'s answer to How can I get good grades living with a toxic family? My stepdad hates me and always starts yelling at my mom or just in general when it is a lecture or test. on Quora

Main Topic

Have you even made a Life Statement? Do you even know what A life statement is?

What is a life statement?

This is a statement that give you direction into the best way to use your talents and your core values to help you make the best impact in your world.

Why are life statements needed?

they help you keep the course.

You are able to see the big 30,000-foot view of where you are wanting to be.

How do you get a life statement?

• Find your talents
• Find your Core values
• Decide what type of impact you want to make

You can then lay your life statement out into a means that best describes what you want to do.

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Find Who You Are

Question of the Week - Courtesy of The Brotherhood of Men

Comes from a Youtube Comment but user D in response to the last episode Don\'t Settle

"Don\'t settle for what? Lmfao. Some people don\'t have any choice in their circumstances you ignorant f***. By the way, no matter what action you take during your life, it ends EXACTLY the same way -\\u2026"

D Youtube User

Now sadly either he deleted the comment shortly after posting it or Youtube removed it. Either way, there is something wonderful about this comment.

1. I love my haters they are hurting so much that they ask for help without realizing that they are doing so.
2. This is a great example of how people react through projection. D here shows you how he sees the world as a hopeless endeavor and you are apparently screwed no matter what you do.

Main Topic

Finding who you are

Find your core values

Why are core values important?

Your values help you to not only make decisions but also help make sure you conduct your life in a means you find worthy.

How do you find your core values?

• Self-reflection
• Use a list
• Use your Brotherhood friends & family
• \\xa0

Facebook group Raising Confident Men

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Dont Settle

Main Topic

Why you don\'t want to become complacent. Becoming complacent causes you to rust. you miss many different opportunities that if you are on the lookout you could easily find. I call this complacency rusting. Because we men lose valuable skills when we start to rust. You can find rust forming on the 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male.

Examples of rusting

Mind - Fixed beliefs and excuses as to why you can\'t get better

Body - Do you have a dad bod? Get winded walking up a flight of stairs

Soul - Are you suffering from burnout

Community - Are you losing friends?

You can fix these but it takes work

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Cancel The Canceling

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Listening to Podcast

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Take Both Sides of The Story

Why are both sides of the story important? often we spend way too much time thinking about what people should do instead of understanding where they are coming from. We focus on how we can control the situation instead of understanding and connect with other people.

We write scripts in our heads all the time. We think of how something should be done and rarely get the other side of the story. We make a crappy first draft and then leave it at that. Instead of revising our script to allow for the whole person to show up.

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The Secret to Your Success

Today\'s topic is about being successful. Why are you having trouble finding success in your financial life, or maybe the relationship between you and your son? The reasons are numerous, or should I say excuses are numerous. The truth is you have all the same abilities to be successful as the next person so why are you not on top of the world?

The heart of the matter is how you are thinking of the solution. This episode sort of ties together the why Gratitude, and the abundant mindset work. Why the scarcity mindset keeps us playing it small.

The term being used to this all-encompassing bond is the Laws of Attraction. These laws have been stated in one form or another for years. From before the time, Napoleon Hill interviewed Andrew Carnegie for his Mental Dynamite Series to today.

The term of Laws of attraction comes from Jerry and Esther Hicks. How the came to the term is a bit of the questionable side. Because the term is from Abraham who is a non-physical being channeled through Esther. Yeah, so you see why I say questionable.

Any how Abraham coins the term Laws of Attraction and these are three laws that work with each other.

The laws are

The Law of attraction

the law of Deliberate thought

and The Law of Allowing

The law of attraction is what allows the universe to bring to you what you want. That does have some key points to look at like bads things? yep, those too. This isn\'t just a feel-good force it brings whatever you want. A bad day? That\'s coming if your thoughts aren\'t right.

The Deliberate thought law is how you focus your mind so that you are able to bring deliberate results into your life.

While the Law of allowing is why you are not able to help others with their wants unless they truly want that help too.

Also looking for men who would like to be a part of a group of like-minded men who are determined to have success in their lives. We are part accountability group part cheerleaders part brothers. If you are interested in joining this group please join the Conclave of Men

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Getting Back Up

Main topic

How to get back up after being handed a defeat

Look at that failure as a learning experience. We all struggle and we all fall down. We fail at something. What do you do get back up or just lay there? Look at all the underdog stories. We root for rocky to get back up. We cheered when the US hockey team whooped up on the Communists. We celebrate the triumphs.

Yet we as people shy away from struggling. Our amygdala\'s wants us to be comfortable and sadly we avoid the struggle. I do the same thing I know I need to get something done on the coaching business yet at the end of the day I will sit down and get lost in a video game. We all struggle with an obstacle. Mine is getting clients while yours could be more basic. Like finding food

The act of getting back up is a new struggle that you have done before and you get better at it each time. Look at a toddler learning to walk they fall and whack their head on the ground a few times. That is part of the process. Having a sore butt from landing on it so much. Yet, as they learn their legs get stronger their balance gets better they learn the fine motor skills needed to put one foot in front of the other.

People who struggle find the strength needed to go on. Picking yourself up often being knocked down is only part of the process. The rest of the process is getting back into the fight and learning how to get past the problem at hand

Sadly we focus on the struggle as being a bad thing when it is something that is to be viewed with honor and reverence.

I have started taking this stance with my kids. Let them struggle they are figuring it out. They will be better adults as they hunt for the answers. I am one who wishes I knew about the honor of struggling when they were younger. It would have saved a lot of headaches on my part.

Join The Conclave of Men

Have a discovery call with Bryan

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Are You Looking through the Windshield or the Rearview mirror?

Are you driving through life by looking through the windshield or are you driving by the rearview mirror?

So many times we look in the rearview mirror instead of the windshield while going through life. Why do we do this? There is a reason we drive looking out of the windshield of a car and not through the rearview mirror. First off there is the size of the viewport. A rearview mirror is a very small piece as apposed to all the real estate that is the windshield.\\xa0

So look ahead and there are more important things going on there than in the mirror. Yeah, past events are important but nowhere near as important as what is in your future. Your past doesn't define you as much as you wish it would.

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Raising Dangerous Boys with Tripp Lanier

You can Listen to Tripp\'s Podcast The New Man Podcast

buy Tripp Lanier\\u2019s book:This Book Will Make You Dangerous

You can Also Follow Tripp on Social Media

Twitter-TrippLanier

Facebook- Tripp Lanier

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The 4 Pillars of Relaxed Male: The Man's Community

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4 Pillars of a Relaxed Male: The Man's Soul

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The 4 Pillars: The Man's Mind

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4 Pillars of Relaxed Male: The Man's Body

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A Conversation on Race with Big Brother Jake Warner

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The 4 Pillars of Relaxed Male

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Denying Your Emotions

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You Are Not Broken

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The Man Box Part 2

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The Man Box Part 1

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Powerful questions you need to ask yourself

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Having Gratitude

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Using Fear to Your Advantage

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How Did You Get There?

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The Stories We are Living Out

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Avoid the Crab Bucket

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You Dramatic Life

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The Benefits of Joining a Mastermind

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Taking Action

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Ending the Suffering

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The Biggest Liar is The People Pleaser

So many people say they hate liars. You cant trust them. Yet many of those people are the worst liars around. Now there are two types of people who are inherently liars. No, I am not talking about Navy recruiters or politicians. I am talking about Addicts are liars and the other natural liar is a people pleaser.

I want to talk this week about the second. I will address the first at some time down the road, but today we are looking at people pleasers.

Why People Pleasers?

People pleasers are people who go out of their way to lie to others so that they can control how other people feel and what they think. In other words, they are manipulators.

We all know someone like this. They are trying to do 30 things at once. Often these are other people\'s tasks so that the person they are trying to please will like them.

I am a recovering people pleaser.

Aren\'t people pleasers good?

Not really. These people give up on being their own person for the sake of someone who may or may not like them in return. Often, people pleasers, will say whatever they believe the other person wants to hear instead of speaking their own mind and being their own person.

Helping a person out is good and we should help, but not at the detriment to our own life and mental health.

Maybe you have known a "Yes Man" at the office. Sometimes these people are also called brown nosers. These guys often don\'t have the self-worth because they are putting all their worth into another person.

People pleasing is called Sociotropy this is a person\\u2019s tendency to place an inordinate value on relationships over personal independence that will leave them vulnerable to depression in the response to a loss of relationships.

These are people who act like your neighbor down the street who comes by and bakes cookies for you and keeps bringing them over. Or maybe you see your son always trying to please everybody and then really comes down on himself when someone becomes upset with him.

People pleasers are people who...

• struggle with saying no.
• feel personally responsible for how other people feel.
• avoid sharing honestly, like not admitting when your feelings have been hurt.
• feel uncomfortable dealing with conflict and will do whatever you can to avoid it.
• sometimes find yourself \\u201cbecoming\\u201d like whoever you hang around.

The depression comes from the fact that you cant control a person. You can\'t make a person feel anything at any time. This will lead to the people

People pleasers often will do something small at first and keep piling more and more if they don\'t get the response they desire they often become upset and can fall into depression or burnout.

The drawback of people pleasing

You cant be yourself

You will burn out

The huge strain on your mental health

How to break free from being a people pleaser.

Face the discomfort of expressing your ideas.

Be OK when people don\'t like your ideas or change them.

Understand that the person you are lying to the most when trying to please other people is yourself.

You can\'t control everybody and it is impossible to even control some people all the time. They eventually get tired of being manipulated.

Your lies do catch up with you

Learn and use the most powerful word in the English language and that is NO. Then you have to accept that many people will not like that response and they will try to find different ways to make you feel bad because you have denied them.

Set boundaries and then hold them

Accept that you can\'t control people\'s emotions. Yeah, your actions may create a pleasant thought in the other person but hat doesn\'t mean they like you. A person likes you for who you are not how you make them feel because you can\'t make them feel anything.

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The Fixed Mindset

What is a fixed mindset?

The Fixed mindset is the thought that you are limited in what you are able to achieve by what your talent is. We often tell kids that they are smart and this is a huge problem for when the kids actually hit a limit on what their smarts are able to create.

This problem can cause kids to shy away from a challenge and keep them from learning that getting something wrong is actually alright. It shows that you are able to improve.

The fixed mindset causes problems because when the talent runs out the person in question thinks that they are not able to improve anymore, which is the farthest from the truth. People also fear that when they can't do something and it is pointed out they believe that deficiency is a fault against them. So it can be a problem with not only children but adults too.

• Test scores are permanent
• Hates challenge
• Finds fault in themselves when faced with failure
• Fishing trip example.
• Everyone else\\u2019s problem excuses
• The burden of talent
• Alfred Dunlap sunbeam and act paper

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The Growth Mindset

The concept of Growth mindset and it\'s counterpart Fixed mindset comes from Stanford Professor Carol Dweck Ph.D. in her book Mindset. In this book, she talks in detail what each mindset is and give an example after examples of people who display both sides. From Dorothy Delay the violin teacher from The Juilliard School of Music to Jack Welch, the man who saved General Electric.

Carol talks about key points that exemplifies why a growth mindset is needed if you want to succeed and why the fixed mindset often causes you to have a meltdown like Bobby Night on losing streak.

What is a growth mindset

A growth mindset is a mindset that you are more about the ability to get better than having something of natural talent.

It is interesting to think we are born with a growth mindset and then we slowly settle into a Fixed mindset. You see babies who keep trying to learn how to walk and we celebrate when they are able to start wobbling around. You even see a child who finally figures out that only one type of shape can fit into a certain slot. How many times have you heard kids talk about their love a challenge? The older they get the growth mindset often seems to wain and shrink.

Key points of a Growth Mindset

We accept that we are able to learn

Work and effort are better than being smart.

People who play video games can have

We can have and often do have a mixture of growth mindset and Fixed Mindset

Mia Ham used to be the only girl in the boy\'s soccer teams because she wanted the challenge. Not only boys but boys at the level above her.

If you are the smartest person in the room you are in the wrong room.

How to develop a growth mindset

Accept that you are a work in progress.

Failure is only an indicator of where you need to work.

Change the words you use. If only I was smart enough to I can figure this out.

What does this make possible?

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The Scarcity Mindset

This week talking about the opposite of the abundant mindset in Episode 14. That is a scarcity mindset and the problems it can cause in your efforts of being successful. We all have problems with negative thinking. Those negative thoughts are normal and have a purpose but they don\\u2019t serve us as they did in the caveman days. We use to not have enough and we had to fight for all that we had. Today that is still somewhat true but now scarcity is an element that holds us back. It keeps us safe and when being safe we are never growing emotionally or in knowledge.

What is the scarcity mindset?

The scarcity mindset is seeing the world and your resources as being a zero-sum game. You are only allotted a certain amount and then when you are out it is gone. \\xa0Stephen Covey talks about this in the \\u201c7 Habits of Highly effective people\\u201d and says this,

Most people are deeply scripted in what I call the Scarcity Mentality. They see life as having only so much, as though there were only one pie out there. In addition, if someone were to get a big piece of the pie, it would mean less for everyone else.

Stephen Covey - 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

If you watch the news, which I advise against, you see a scarcity mindset running rampant in not only America but around the world. You see people fighting over the scraps when there is a whole garden sitting next to them. People talk about the haves and the have not\\u2019s. That is all based on what somebody else has and the others won\\u2019t ever have. As a whole scarcity, mindset is based on fear. It is fear that you won\\u2019t be able to get out of the current situation. The fear that you won\\u2019t have enough money or that you will never get that new television is exactly what scarcity mindset really is.

We have one presidential candidate who is basing his whole platform on the scarcity mindset. That is how out of control easy this mindset can influence your thinking.

Envy is based on a scarcity mindset. What does the Jones family have that you don\\u2019t? \\xa0That fear and anxiety of not being able to have nice things in your house create the thought that you are not worth your value. Hoarding is also based on scarcity. What if you throw away the 3-year-old copy of People Magazine and you need it for an article that looks interesting, though you never fully read it.

Why does the scarcity mindset hold us back?

The scarcity mindset is a bog. It sucks you down and keeps you from expanding and becoming more than your current situation. How can you when you see yourself and your resources as being limited. It is like being chained to a tree and the locks are not fastened. You can\\u2019t leave because of the chain. You hold on to the fact that you have a chain it doesn\\u2019t matter if you are locked up or not. The chain is not holding you back.

Business owners suffer from scarcity whenever they struggle with charging somebody for their services. They see how easy it was for them to work in their zone of genius and feel guilty for charging someone $200 for an hour of their time. When in reality the customer isn\\u2019t paying for the time they are paying for the expertise you have.

That goes with the story of the repairman. A company\\u2019s machine was making a horrible noise. It was an older machine and was difficult to find people who can work on it. They tried several people and each one failed. Finally, they found an old man who specialized in working on just that very machine. They called him up and the repairman said that he would be right over. The repairman showed up and walked over to the machine. He took out a stethoscope and listened to the clank a few times then reached into his bag pulled out a hammer and smartly tapped at a joint n the machine.

Instantly the machine stopped clanking and started running better than it ever had for a long time. The man handed over his bill and the price was $2000. The Business owner cried that\\u2019s outrageous! You were here for only 5 minutes why does it cost that much. The old man said let me break it down for you. The hammer tap was $10 knowing right where to hit is $1990.

Common effects of a scarcity mindset people.

You play it safe

You are not about to risk all that you have because you don\\u2019t have enough to spare for the risk. However, if you do spend that $18,000 on that course you can expand your influence which could actually make you $180,000. You see what you don\\u2019t have not what doors are standing wide-open waiting for you to walk through.

It limits your opportunities

Again because you want to play it safe you are not about to take a risk. Therefore, your opportunities are very limited. You immediately take off the table all the things that are possible with the words, \\u201cIf Only\\u201d. Then when the opportunity slide by you see that you missed your chance and focus on that problem, instead of looking for the next opportunity that is already walking up to your door.

You don\\u2019t give

You don\\u2019t have anything, so how can you actually give? You may have all the time in the world but you don\\u2019t see value in that you see that you don\\u2019t have the money to spare. Again, you limit your opportunity to make an impact all because you don\\u2019t believe you have money to give. Maybe you do give some money but it is just enough to make yourself feel like you are contributing. Maybe you are at a Charity gala and while everyone else is handing over thousands of dollars, you pitch in $25.

You are envious of others

That whole keeping up with the Joneses, you see that they have a new bass boat or a new SUV and you say \\u201cit must be nice.\\u201d Instead of celebrating with their success, you scoff at them. You make up words about them like they are stuck up or Uppity. You don\\u2019t see that there is an opportunity for connecting with them. You only see that they have something you don\\u2019t.

You love gossip magazines

What is the first thing you say when you see that one movie star who uses to be this thin sex bomb is now 50 pounds overweight? Wow! She got fat! You often revel in the downfall of big stars. You take secret joy in seeing those better off than you in pain or suffering.

You believe you are stuck in your current situation

Why bother? What good is it going to do to contribute to the project? I know that Arnold is going to claim my idea s his own and they give him the promotion. So you decide to not even give the idea that could change the course of the company you are with. Yeah, it may end up even adding a zero to everybody\\u2019s bonus this year but you are not about to let Arnold take the prize. You have either seen or even felt that thought go through your head before right? Instead of helping the company out knowing that, your idea was the catalyst. You don\\u2019t believe that you have other great ideas like that you are concerned about how well it will put you in a better tax bracket you can\\u2019t stand Arnold.

Limited thinking

Because you are limited in your situation, you are also limited in your thoughts. You won\\u2019t allow yourself the think big because, what\\u2019s the use, right? Why try, it will just fail and it will be added to the pile of other half done projects and dreams that never took off.

You over-indulge

You ever get your tax return and completely blow it in a week? Most people with a scarcity mindset indulge every whim. They leave Walmart with the 80-inch television baskets full of perishable groceries. Apply the check to a brand new car. Maybe you were like me and when you were home, you would eat until you were full and then keep stuffing food in your mouth. I did that often. I would eat three or four helpings at the house and then when I would climb into the truck I would have food but also snacks and I would eat one bag after the other. Yeah, those were meant to stretch over the duration of the trip but often within 2-3 days, the \\u201csnacks\\u201d would be gone. All because I had, the food to be consumed and I couldn\\u2019t let it go to waste.

It affects your sex life

You remember how much whoopee you had when you first were married 2 kids and 10 years ago. Now you are lucky to have a roll in the hay, once a month. You focus on what you don\\u2019t have you aren\\u2019t seeing that maybe your wife is wanting to be intimate yet she doesn\\u2019t throw on a teddy and fix herself up. You start to have thoughts that men have had for centuries. Maybe it\\u2019s true she just wants you for just the paycheck. I mean what does she do all day? Walk around like you\\u2019re wounded and angry because she slapped your hand when tried to cop a feel. You react to the situation instead of finding a solution. Maybe it is her time of the month and her breasts are tender. Then again, your beautiful wife is struggling with her own insecurities because her body isn\\u2019t as tight and toned as it used to be. Not to mention what wife would find an emotionally immature boy sexually attractive so your actions could very well be the root cause.

How to change to a more abundant mindset

Gratitude journal

My favorite tool for shifting your focus from what you don\\u2019t have to what you do.

Each day write 3-5 things you are grateful for. Maybe it is your wife\\u2019s cooking. Maybe you have an old car with 200,000 miles on it. It still runs and gets you to work every day. Maybe, it is that the Jones you are so envious of allowed to borrow their chainsaw to take care of a limb that was roughing up the roof. There is always plenty to go around and if you focus your attention on what you do have, as instead of what you don\\u2019t have.

My cousin, who is quite wise for his years, really said it best when he lost his phone

Look for win/win situations

There is always a solution to a problem. Unbelievably there is always a win/win situation it may take work and time but a solution is available. Many times commerce is a win/win situation. You pay money for a product or service that helps you out in some part of your life. If you are always looking for someone who is out to take advantage of you. You will find them even if the trade was actually a good one. So always, work for the win/win.

Mind your thoughts

Pay attention to the story you are telling yourself. Scarcity is a battle we will always fight. You will think that you don\\u2019t have a talent for something and ignoring the talents you do have. This is best stated with the Cut off your nose to spite your face. So when you see that you are telling yourself a story the is centered on scarcity and fear actively change what you are saying.

Reframe the thoughts and even words that you say to yourself they have a huge impact on what you are thinking and what your mind believes is appropriate thoughts to have

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The Abundant Mindset

What is an abundant mindset?

People with an abundant mindset feel freer to give and share because they don\\u2019t see that the resources in their life are in scare supply. They have the motto of There is more where that came from. Often people who aim for and achieve big goals are people who have an abundance-oriented mindset. Because they aren\\u2019t worried about what they don\\u2019t have, abundant mindset folks are generally happier and easier to get along with they like to take people on their journeys and include more people in their success because they are not limited in what they can do.

More control

If you have an abundant mindset you aren\\u2019t worried about how is out of your hands. They will take what they have and use it to the fullest extent possible. They approach jobs with more gusto and enthusiasm because they are eager to see the results of their endeavor and don\\u2019t worry as much about what won\\u2019t happen. When they do fail, they take responsibility for their actions instead of wallowing in their failure. Being abundant gives, you so much more control over your options because you are in fact not limited in the possibilities.

Characteristics of an abundant mindsetted person

Clarity

You see the path before you. That means that you are able to bend with sudden changes better and you know why you have to go through this problem.

Choices

You can better understand the choices you will have to make. A person with a scarcity mindset will only see what they don\\u2019t have. Therefore, they don\\u2019t think big and worry about the lack of choices. Instead seeing that a door is closed to you knows that yeah t could be open because it is possibly unlocked. Then again, maybe that door isn\\u2019t opening because you are pulling instead of pushing.

Less pressing problems

With an abundant mindset you focus on the problems at hand they aren\\u2019t as pressing because you know you have plenty of resources at your disposal.

Freely share

IF you have plenty of resources and thoughts, you have no problem sharing them. While if you are scarcity oriented you don\\u2019t share out of fear that you are going to run out.

Focus on what is working

Instead of bashing your head against a wall trying to make a completely big enough for you to go through, abundant mindset people won\\u2019t keep trying something that isn\\u2019t working. They freely try different avenues to get to their goal.

Revel in the resources they have.

There is an abundance so they enjoy being able to try everything they can. IF you look, you will see that there are always more opportunities than you originally thought.

Proactive

You will make a change to get over an obstacle instead of wasting your time reacting to every little problem. You can react or you can respond to a problem one is better while the other is filled with fear.

Welcome change

You understand that change is going to happen. Often your actions weren\\u2019t that change so you want to be accepting that the only thing in life that is constant is change. So when you approach a problem with the gusto that needed you can easily see what is and isn\\u2019t working so you have no problem making the needed sift.

Gratitude

Being grateful is one of the best resources you have at your grasp. Gratitude builds more energy for the actions you have to take. If you see more opportunities and are enthusiastic about the opportunity to approach them.

How does this help?

You become the go-to person

People see the abundance in your life and they will migrate to you because you are helping them.

Freely share resources

You have enough to go around

Easier to get along with

Because you aren\\u2019t worried about what you don\\u2019t have you are nicer and easier going.

You are OK with failing

You understand that you are going to fail from time to time so you just get up and try a different approach

How to develop an abundant mindset

Proactive instead of reactive

Be proactive instead of reacting to an event. You see farther down the path than others so you are more prepared for those inevitable pitfalls.

Pat attention to your thoughts

How are you thinking of a problem in your life? We have 60,000 thoughts a day and many of those, if we don\\u2019t pay attention to them, will try to bring us to a scarcity mindset. So pay attention to what you are thinking. Using mindfulness meditation can help greatly in this department.

Ask yourself if that thought is coming from fear and scarcity or a place of plenty

How are you approaching a problem? Is it through fear? Change how you think and your mindset will shift drastically

Try to think bigger

Stop thinking about just the next step look bigger. Do you want your own business or do you want a business that makes 100 million a year?

Focus on what is going right instead of what is going wrong

IF you fail, don\\u2019t try it again. Try something different. Find what is working and don\\u2019t obsess over what is not working.

Offer words of appreciation

Give thanks and give it often. Gratitude is an eternal wellspring of optimism that will help not only you but those whose lives you touch.

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Its About The Mindset

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Be Yourself

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What is Anxiety?

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Whats Holding You Back

Talking about failing to even start today. What holds you back? What are the factors that keep you from even taking getting far enough down the road to even feel stuck?

Fear

This is the biggest of all and encompasses just about everything that makes you not even want to jump off the diving board into the pool of cool success.

Fear of Results

But we want results right? Yes, we do. yet many times those results can be scary to think of. There are people who are afraid of what\'s going to happen to them if and when they become successful. What if success changes you what if you become fake? All of these different want ifs that happen in our minds but never happen in real life.

Fear of Change

The very act of changing scares people. That lizard part of your brain starts to activate and you are suddenly on the lookout for saber-tooth tigers and other unforeseen hazards. So, it is better if you were just staying in your cave and not come out. Of course, that means you will starve. Yet you are at least safe.

Fear of Upsetting Others

We worry about what others will think. Again we may lose some friends or be talked about behind our backs. Well, who wants that? Nobody if they allow others to control their feelings. You would be surprised to find out that most people who matter in your life will cheer you on. While those who don\'t actually provide value to your life will talk. Yet again since they don\'t provide any value they really don\'t matter in the grand scheme of things, which is your life.

Fear of Failing

We fear to fail. It could ruin us or cause problems. Maybe you fear people will talk or something to that effect. And that could happen more than likely they will see you get back up and ignore the fall. What the fall means is only in your mind.

The Skateboarder

My son when he was young wanted a skateboard and so we got him one. Several Months later, He wanted to go to the skate park and try it out. So we took him to the local park and it took him a long time of trying to go down the halfpipe before he finally attempted to go. What was holding him back? Fear

Why does this happen?

Over Thinking the situation

Most of the time it is over thinking of the situation

How to Jump

Some tips on how to jump and go ahead and get started.

Make a plan

Planning is good

Set goals

Goals are needed for you to know how you are going to proceed

Talk to others

Get tips and tricks on how to navigate your path by talking to others who have gone down that road before you.

Get a coach

You can also find out how to achieve your goals and success by getting coached.

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Why Do We Feel Stuck?

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Being Self-Reliant

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Not Happy? Are you Supposed to be happy?

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Have An After Action Review

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Set a Goal To Have More Goals

The end of the year is near. Have you set your goals yet? Do you even plan to set goals? This episode is all about goals. We cover the Who, What, How\\u2019s, and why\\u2019s of\\xa0Goal setting.

Why set goals?

Goals are important to men who want a change. What type of change? Any change you desire. You want to be wealthy. You have to set goals. If you want to have a happy marriage you have to have goals.

Goals are the road map of your life. You can get around without a map but you will not guarantee that you will make it to the destination you want. You may make it there eventually but you will not make it in anytime fast. If you set goals, you are making the most efficient path to that destination. Now a map doesn\\u2019t show the different hardships you may encounter just the path. You can\\u2019t tell if there are potholes along the way but you know where the highs and the lows are.

What are the benefits?

There are several benefits to goal setting the biggest being the effect it has on you. The biggest is that you will build confidence in whatever new skill you take on. You also start having\\xa0an abundant mindset\\xa0as you keep making progress with your goals. This is because as you take steps toward your goals you are going to fail. Many times, you may want to give up on your goals. If you keep trying, you will get better with each attempt. The more you try the more you fail until you are able to succeed. Each attempt help you get a little further down the road.

You can look at it as riding a bike. When you first started riding a bike, you didn\\u2019t know how you had to try. With each attempt, you got a little better and a little better. It may have started with figuring out how to simply get on your bike and then progress to figuring out how to get it to move. From there you had to crash repeatedly. Until you could ride, up and down the block without falling. Then you were faced with the obstacle of stopping. Eventually, you could do that without bailing off your bike. Goals are like riding that bike.

With each success, you build more confidence and experience with the task. So Yeah, you are going to fail but those failures are preparing you for success.

Another benefit is that you grow with each experience.

Who needs to set goals?

I personally\\xa0think everybody needs to have a goal or two. You became a more resilient person when you set and strive to\\xa0achieve goals. With each failure, you become more confident and you learn more skills. Yet most people don\\u2019t have goals they either try and fail the first or second time then never try again. Many of these people have\\xa0a scarcity mindset\\xa0or sometimes called a fixed mindset. They don\\u2019t believe they can learn anymore.

So who needs to set goals? Anybody who wants more out of life needs to set goals. People who desire more success or want to reach for their dreams also need to make plans and set goals. If you are a person who wants a change then you need to start setting goals. If someone wants to travel, again they need to set goals.

Types of goals

There are a few different methods of setting goals. The two that I am the most familiar with are the following

The HARD Method

This method is new in my books. I just found out about it last month. Therefore, I can\\u2019t say I am an expert and though many say this is the best way to achieve your goals I do fail to see how it works so well. However, HARD Anachronism means

Heartfelt\\xa0\\u2013 make sure you have an emotional connection to your goal. This part I understand. It is important for you to have a connection to your goal so making sure that you have a heartfelt connection to what you are trying to achieve is very important. I would say that it is key to any goals system. Be it HARD or SMART

Animated\\xa0\\u2013 This step is misnamed but if you want to have a good Name for your system then I guess you have to make some concessions. This is actually visualizing your goals. What does it mean for you to succeed in achieving this goal? What does it feel like to reach your goal? What does it smell like? How will you act? What will you think? For instance, if you were to get a brand-new car, what color would it be? What color interior would it have? Is it Leather seats or fabric? How does it smell? You want to see this goal as being achieved. That is the point of the animated step. It is also very important to any goal you set

Required\\xa0\\u2013 From what I have read about the hard method this amounts to your why. Why is this\\xa0goal important? Why is it required to be achieved?

Difficult\\xa0\\u2013 This goes along with the stretch goals. Your goal should be ambitus. You sometimes called a BHAG or Big Hairy audacious goal. Ok, it is good to have large goals. Yet this is where this method loses it for me because there is no timeframe. For success, I believe that a dream is only a goal without a deadline. You want a goal, not a dream.

The SMART Method

Specific\\xa0\\u2013 What is the goal? Instead of losing weight, you want to be specific, and say you want to lose 50 pounds. You want to make an extra $50,000, instead of making more money. You want your goal to be as specific as possible.

Measurable\\xa0\\u2013 When do you know when you have reached your goal if you are going to lose some weight? You achieved your goal if lose one pound so you want to have a measurable goal line. This way you know that you are making headway and it is easier to see your progress.

Attainable\\xa0\\u2013 You want to have an attainable goal. If you have never made a million dollars, how are you going to know how to make a million? Therefore, you want to try reaching a goal that is attainable like an extra $50,000 on top of the 50 you already make. If you weigh 300 pounds over your goal then it is going to take over a year to lose the weight if you don\\u2019t want to have surgery.

Relevant\\xa0\\u2013 Make sure your goal fits your abilities. If you have never climbed a mountain before it probably isn\\u2019t wise to scale Mt. Everest.

Timely\\xa0\\u2013 Set a deadline people reach their goals more often when they know they have a set amount of time. If not you are more likely to leave it until tomorrow.

However you do it, you want to make sure you write your goals down. The acts of writing your thoughts on paper make the goals more real in your mind. You also want to talk about your goals as if they have already happened. That will help keep the self-sabotage to a minimum though it will still happen.

How to set a goal

1. First, write out all the goals you would like.
2. Choose 3 that you want to attempt.
3. Think of those goals and imagine what it would be like if you achieved them.
4. Answer the reason why you want these goals. If it is to lose weight. You could possibly say something to the like to prevent diabetes and to live longer with your spouse. Find your, "why".
5. Write these goals down on paper using your handwriting. This very act helps your mind see that your thought is real.
6. Word your goal out so that it is as specific as you can be.
7. Write down that specific goal. Make sure you have a means of measuring your progress.
8. Give it a deadline
9. Talk about your goal to those who will actually help you. If you have a friend who likes to be a \\u201crealist\\u201d, you don\\u2019t need to tell them your goal. Tell those who are going to help you reach your goal.
10. Finally, take a step every day to reach that goal.

Important points to follow to help with achieving your goals success

Be OK with failing you will fail in your day-to-day attempts to achieve your goal. Try not to let that discourage you. Find a way to solve that problem and you will become better each time.

There are several different ways you can\\xa0keep your goals\\xa0present in your mind. I talk about a few ways you can remember your goals. One of the best ways is to add them to your affirmations list. You can also use post-it notes so that you can see them each day. However, try to keep your goals in the front of your mind that way you don\\u2019t wake up with it being November and realize you didn\\u2019t do any of your goals. I have done that many times

Cover Photo by\\xa0RUN 4 FFWPU\\xa0from\\xa0Pexels

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Emotional Discussion

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Responsibility, Why it is Important?

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We are missing the Connection

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How is Relaxed Male Going to change my mindset?

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The Relaxed Male Podcast Trailer

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