Episode 140 – Who Do You Trust
“It's certainly not a skill that you would go develop, and then, you know, wear metal on your chest for being a great liar. One of the most important things about building your ultimate life is being trustworthy in understanding who you can trust and developing that trust. Who do you trust?” - Kellan Fluckiger
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What you are about to learn
How easy is it to give trust to someone? Or ourselves? This was difficult, and I’ve had an enormous struggle with trusting others, and also, I was not trustworthy, and those are related. This was because of the past I experienced when I was young. I learned to lie because it protected me from punishment. It became a habit so severely that I adopted the practice without even meaning to and never planned to do this. But I found myself doing is saying whatever seemed to be good. And that was one of the most challenging things for me to change; also, one of the most challenging things for me to realize was how much I lied. How much I said things that were not true.
I will ask you now. And that has to do with identifying whom you trust and whom you can trust. Can you trust someone you don't know? Or, can you trust your self? And so thinking about who you trust, let's start with yourself. One of the exciting things I work with people as a coach is for them to come face to face with how much they trust themselves. And as it turns out, a lot of us don't trust ourselves very much. A harrowing question. Because we realize that we don't trust ourselves very much, and that's sad because of all the people we should believe. We should trust ourselves, most of all, next to God. If we can't trust ourselves, what we say that we're going to do that we do, not just sometimes but every time. That means that then we assume others are the same. Because we don't see the world the way, it is.
We see the world the way we are. So if we are not trustworthy, we project that on everyone else. And if we can't trust ourselves, we tend to expect that lack of trustworthiness in every relationship and situation. That makes it difficult to create relationships. And we all know that relationships should be built with trust, whether it is your relationship to your spouse, children, or working relationship with your workmates or friends.
Do you trust God? Now, this gets both to not God's trustworthiness because that's infinite. But it goes back a bit to the first question: Can you trust someone you don't know? I don't know how to trust God if I don't know anything about God. If I don't know the intentions or the purposes a little bit at least, then it becomes harder to trust that being. That's one of the reasons that the spiritual portion of my morning ritual is so substantial. Reading sacred literature, spending considerable time in meditation and prayer, not only in the morning but often throughout the day, is the method that I've used to create and deepen a relationship with God. And it works. I’ve got to learn to trust myself. And I've got to learn to trust God completely. That doesn't mean that I don't fail. God never fails, but I do. And so then that involves a lot of forgiveness and a lot of willingness to start over and recommit and all that sort of stuff. But we have to learn to trust.
Key Takeaways
“How many places in your life do you have where you can talk to someone and say anything about anything and know that you will be accepted? Listen to no judgment, no fixing, just heard. And when I asked that question, quite often, I get an interesting reaction.”
“So, I want you to think about whether or not trusting yourself and the word that you give to yourself as something you want to work on as you create your ultimate life.”
“If you don't trust yourself very much, start small. Every time you speak a word, every time you say I'm going to hear the words I am going to, or I will and make careful notes. So the first step is to start paying attention, what you say you're going to do so that you are aware of your word, your word can't be your integrity, and be who you are, if you don't know if you're not aware of when you're speaking it. So step one is to be aware of and be very careful and intentional about everything that you speak. Then you can go about making sure that you keep that word. So Part one is to be a lot more careful with what you say that you'll do and the commitments you make.”
“Start With the smallest possible commitments, maybe it's something about taking care of your body or getting up doing some small thing that you have absolute control over. And then practice being your word. practice doing exactly what you say, until you can absolutely look yourself in the eye and say, “Yes, I live in integrity, I do what I say, and I am whom I seem, with no sneakiness around the corner.” So start small and practice that. That's enough of an assignment for this because you'll find out that number one, it can grow very quickly. And number two, you'll also perhaps be surprised at how difficult that is. So be attentive pay, pay attention, be attentive to your word, and make sure you do it starting with the smallest things.”
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