148: Is spanking a child really so bad?
b'I\\u2019ve been thinking about producing this episode for several years now, and I always wished I wouldn\\u2019t need to do it.\\xa0 Then every few months I\\u2019d see a post in an online community saying something like \\u201cIs spanking really that bad? I was spanked and I turned out fine\\u201d and I knew that one day I\\u2019d have to do an episode on it - so here it is.\\n\\n \\n\\nMy guest, Professor Andrew Grogan-Kaylor, has studied and written extensively about physical punishment of children, and believes spanking should be considered an Adverse Childhood Experience (which is a marker of severe trauma).\\xa0 I mean, if you think about it, we are actually talking about physical abuse here: hitting another human being.\\xa0 We only call it spanking because it\\u2019s supposed to be controlled and as punishment for an infraction.\\xa0 But if my husband were to hit me in a controlled way as punishment for something I\\u2019d done wrong, would we still call it spanking?\\xa0 (And as Dr. Grogan-Kaylor notes, if we\\u2019re spanking our child we\\u2019re almost by definition not doing it in a completely controlled way, since we\\u2019re doing it because we\\u2019re frustrated and/or angry.)\\n\\n \\n\\nIn the episode we also discuss how, due to the way that a quirk in one researcher\\u2019s agenda aligned with changes in ethical rules governing experiments, that there\\u2019s actually scientific evidence from randomized controlled trials to support the efficacy of spanking at changing children\\u2019s behavior to make it acceptable to their parents!\\xa0 Now the rules have changed and wouldn\\u2019t permit spanking during an experiment, it isn\\u2019t possible to generate evidence against spanking.\\xa0 So advocates of spanking (and yes, there are some!) can honestly say that there is evidence of the highest quality in favor of spanking, and no evidence of that quality against it.\\n\\n \\n\\nAnd of course we have to ask ourselves: is compliance what we really want?\\xa0 Our instinctive response to that question might be \\u201cYes!\\xa0 I do want flipping compliance - and I want it now!\\u201d But I know many parents listening to the show have a goal to raise children who speak up when they see injustice, and who are internally motivated to do the right thing\\u2026and unfortunately focusing on making children\\u2019s behavior comply with our wishes works against that.\\n\\n \\n\\nBut that doesn\\u2019t mean the alternative is letting our child rule the roost.\\xa0 There are ways to get your needs met and also meet your child\\u2019s needs, without spanking, threatening to spank, punishing, giving Time Outs, withholding privileges, or any other tools like this.\\xa0\\xa0\\n\\n \\n\\nIf you\\u2019re reacting in big ways (spanking, yelling, frustration, etc\\u2026.) to your child\\u2019s difficult behavior right now, I invite you to join my Taming Your Triggers workshop.\\xa0 We\\u2019ll help you learn the real reasons why you\\u2019re feeling triggered (which aren\\u2019t really about your child\\u2019s behavior!), and what you can do to meet your needs - and your child\\u2019s needs as well. Join the waitlist to be notified when doors reopen.\\n\\n \\n\\nClick the banner below to learn more.\\n\\n \\n\\n\\n\\n \\n\\n \\n\\n \\n