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b'In This Episode:\\n\\n\\n\\n* Why coach Reva Patwardhan counts her intrinsic sense of belonging as one of her top strengths* How \\u201cdeep processing\\u201d allows her to work with high-achieving women in unexpected ways* How she\\u2019s learned to work with her ADHD instead of against it* What she\\u2019s discovered at the intersection of neurodivergence and being a woman of color\\n\\n\\n\\n\\n\\nI think a lot about belonging.\\n\\n\\n\\nIn fact, \\u201cbelonging\\u201d is an ongoing conversation between our community advocate, Shannon, and I.\\n\\n\\n\\nWe talk about belonging because one of the biggest concerns that prospective Network members and new members have is whether they will belong. They ask if there are people like them in the community: people with a similar business model, people from the same industry, people who come from the same background they have.\\n\\n\\n\\nOn one hand, these questions are easy to answer. Typically we can say, \\u201cYes! There are people like you here.\\u201d But on the other hand, a sense of belonging isn\\u2019t just a factor of who you\\u2019re in proximity with.\\n\\n\\n\\nA sense of belonging isn\\u2019t situational. It\\u2019s intrinsic.\\n\\n\\n\\nAnd if through trauma, oppression, toxic relationships, injustice, or cruelty you\\u2019ve lost your sense of belonging, it doesn\\u2019t matter how much the people around you are like you. You can still feel separate and other.\\n\\n\\n\\nBelonging isn\\u2019t a switch you can turn on and off. At least not in my experience.\\n\\n\\n\\nOne of the threads of that ongoing conversation that Shannon and I have about belonging is indeed about my experience\\u2014and about how her experience is pretty different.\\n\\n\\n\\nA couple of years ago, we reached the joint revelation that we have different default settings when it comes to belonging. When she walks in a room, she assumes she belongs. And in a uncommonly positive result of confirmation bias, she typically starts to confirm her belonging in all sorts of social and situational ways.\\n\\n\\n\\nWhen I walk in a room of people\\u2014which I try to avoid at all costs\\u2014I assume I don\\u2019t belong. I assume I\\u2019m missing the memo on something everyone else has known for all time. I feel cut off and I shut down. My own confirmation bias starts to pick out all the reasons why I do not belong in that room with those people.\\n\\n\\n\\nWhile that probably sounds pretty awful, and it is, I believe that it\\u2019s also caused me to build a strength in leadership.\\n\\n\\n\\nAs a leader, I interact with a group in a different way. It\\u2019s understood that I am on the outside, not belonging in the same way to the group as others. And similarly, being on the outside, gives me a better perspective on the group and their challenges. So it works out pretty well.\\n\\n\\n\\nSebene Selassie writes about a similar phenomenon in her extremely excellent book, You Belong. Sebene examines the benefits of living in the margins of society. She writes, \\u201cIf we imagine each circle is made up of people who are facing inwards, the closer you are to the center, the less you see. Conversely, if you are in the outermost circles, you have the greatest perspective.\\u201d\\n\\n\\n\\nAre there real issues with being in the margins of society? Absolutely: lack of access to resources and lack of participation in decision-making chief among them.\\n\\n\\n\\nBut operating on the outside gives us perspective we can use to do real good in the world.'